Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Vijay Mallya says KF gives more Buzz than Google Buzz

Liquor baron Vijay Mallya has proclaimed that his beer, King Fisher gave a bigger buzz than Google Buzz.

"Having KF during a hot summer afternoon gives a better buzz than anything else including Google's".
"You also need not have any net connection to get this buzz", he added, thus showing off his immaculate knowledge of the IT space.

Moments after this news was announced other premier international brands like Budweiser started proclaiming that their beer gave the best buzz leaving Google's Marketing Team wondering whether their beer, errrr their brand was getting diluted.

Meanwhile Salman Khan has come out in support of Vijay Mallya, stating, "I truly agree with Vijay as I personally know the buzz which KF gave me on that fateful night when I cursed Aishwarya and ran over some pavement dwellers". He also said that RC Bangalore was the best team at the IPL.

Cricketer Muralitharan has responded to Salman's comments saying that Chennai Super Kings were the best team. Teary eyed he said, " I can never forget that journey on that bus". When informed that topic in question was Google Buzz, the latest Gillette Mach 4 Super Blade Anti-Social tool from Google, he was not available for comments.

In his inimitable way Ravi Shahtri has made himself available for comments even when it was not required. Commentating in the Ind Vs SA match he said, "There is only change in the Indian team with Laxman coming in and Shreesanth has missed the bus" and also for the sake of humour added," A hundred is a hundred is a hundred, at the Eden".

Friday, February 12, 2010

Aamir Khan to act in My Name Is Also Khan (MNIAK)

The First Idiot of Bollywood is all set to act in Karan Johar's latest movie My Name Is Also Khan (MNIAK). This is the first time a director has two latest movies as MNIK has just hit the screens with the Shiv Sena bowing to the public demands for release of the movie. The viewership though would be limited only to Ajmal Kasab - The Cute Terrorist. Bala Sahib has defended this move of his by saying, " This is the best punishment we can give to Kasab. He will surely turn Autistic by end of the movie and will hence help spread hope, joy, brotherhood etc."

This news has come as a major shock for Shahrukh Khan as it broke his bubble of being the supreme narcissist on the face of this planet. Well informed sources say that Karan Johar was forced into making this movie due to Aamir's idiotic behaviour during the premiere of MNIK. "Is my name not Khan too? Is my name not Khan too?", he went on screaming and added " Where is justice in this world? Even I want to state the obvious and tell to the world that My Name Is Also Khan".

Facing a potentially embarassing situation, KJ acted on the spot and came up with this 2 minute poster of My Name Is Also Khan.

When informed that the poster had more than a uncanny resemblance to MNIK, KJ brushed off the suggestions saying,"You know my latest trend in movie making. I make the same movie again with different actors like how I did with New York and Kurbaan".

"This time I have gone ahead a step and decided to morph the poster itself as I have other commitments with SRK", he also added for good measure. This led to a huge commotion in the press room as there was a sudden rush of actors like Salman Khan, Saif Ali Khan, Imran Khan etc. thumping their chests and screaming "My Name Is Also Khan". This led to the fastest signing of MoU's with the various actors to make the sequels of My Name Is Also Khan. The sequels, KJ announced would be done in descending order of stupidity thus giving Salman the privilege of being the lead in My Name Is Also Khan - II. Rumours are already afloat with regards to Zaheer Khan being offered the lead in the 16th Edition of MNIAK.

The news of MNIAK and it's sequels have trigerred off a panic wave in Pakistan with reports of violence being reported from various parts of the Pakistan Cricket Board (PCB). According to reports just coming in from Pakistan, players like Ex-Future Captain Younis Khan has accused India of once again neglecting Pakistani players and Pakistanis in general,in no particular order. Lalit Modi in hiss ussual lissping sstyle hass denied any involvement in thiss inssident.

In a completely unrelated incident Evander Holyfield, the former heavy weight boxing world champion is in talks with Rakesh Roshan for his latest venture "He Bit My Kaan".

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Shiv Sena Protests against release of Valentine's Day in New York

Mumbai based political party Shiv Sena has decided to protest against the release of the Hollywood movie Valentine’s Day starring Jessica Alba. This is in complete contrast to their usual stand of attacking only Autistic people like SRK, Big B within the country. When contacted, Balasahib father of Udhav Thackrey and Udhav Thackrey son of Balasahib, said

“We will not allow the western culture to affect western countries too from now. Enough is enough. So far we have been against anything related to Valentine’s Day and someone has the balls to make a movie on that name. We are going to destroy all movie halls in Mumbai protesting the movie’s release in New York”.

“But Baba was that not for MNIK”, said an always confused looking Udhav.

“Shut Up. We are jobless here in Mumabi. No one is giving us a damn these days and hence we have to go global”, beamed an excited Balasahib.

“For how long can we be only in Mumbai and India, I have also never seen US and in this way we can extend our vote bank too”, told Baba in complete ingnorance of the fact that only Indian Citizens err Mumbai Citizens could vote for him. When pointed to this Even-a-10thclass- school- kid-knows-it-fact, Baba in his inimitable style reeked off a completely unrelated “Mumbai Jalega” threat.

Baba also gave a detailed power point presentation to a shell-shocked media in which he outlined the strategy to capture the US market, the excerpts of which are produced below.

“We are going to make all the people who are going to watch Valentine’s Day watch MNIK too.”

On asked whether did he not protest against the release MNIK in India, Baba retorted back saying, “ Who ever will watch that movie will become autistic for sure due to SRK’s extra ordinary overacting which even surpasses the non-maratha actor Shivaji Ganeshan. We want to save India errrr Mumbai from becoming Autistic. We are doing our motherland a service and also want to show that we Marathi’s are second to none at using Office 2007”.

When queried on the small issue of transportation of thousands of Shiv Sainiks to the US, Bala Sahib replied saying, “ If they do not let us in there Mumbai jalega and all the costs will be borne by SRK”, which left journalists wondering if this was the Marketing Plan which the great Prof. Arindham Choudary of IIPM fame had proposed to SRK in favour of him hosting the most Expensive B-School Quiz ever in India.

In a completely unrelated incident, Pakistan’s former Captain Imran Khan voiced his support for the release of My Name Is Khan in Pakistan. Other people like the Other Khans of Bollywood, Akram Kham ( Ex. Chubby Bangladeshi Captain),Wasim Khan (Terrorist in the movie Roja), Khan Abdul Gaffar Khan expressed their solidarity for the movie thus increasing the Narcissism Quotient (NQ) of the world by 10 basis points.