Thursday, September 29, 2005

A SILENT PRAYER

Stumps shattered and a dejected look
He trudged out slowly his head a slinging motion
Everyone thought the cause for his dejection was his dismissal
But only he knew the reason as he was headin on a war path just like a corporal

Deep down he heard a rumble and something was eating him away
The problem started when he expressed his feelings in the reeling heat of may
I asked him what did she say?
He said "Due to something called RELIGION I have to pay"

And today he tells me he has asked her for the Nth time
But all he got was Tresspasing one's religion is an unpardonable crime
To date she has remained his true friend
But he cannot accept this and is desparate not to reach THE END

An Idiot was he made by people whom he thought were his friends
Wiser now he is realising some of them were fiends
Scared he is to think about the future
For the possibility of her marriage is giving him a torture

Dreadful have been his thoughts as he calls himself a Lunatic
But to rise like the Phoenix has always been his characteristic
Hope my friend breaks barriers - Religion and higher
The Atheist that I am I offer a silent prayer

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

KAAPI OR CAPPUCINO?

The history and development of the beverage that we know as coffee is varied and interesting, involving chance occurrences, political intrigue, and the pursuit of wealth and power.Looks like the start u get in History Channel.According to one story, the effect of coffee beans on behavior was noticed by a sheep herder from Caffa Ethopia .He had noticed that his sheep became hyperactive after eating the red cherries and another legend gives us the name for coffee or "mocha" not anyway related to Mochi that shoe shop where u wud've to sell ur house to get a pair of shoes.By the way Mocha was the name of the town. The Turks were the first country to adopt it as a drink, often adding spices such as clove, cinnamon, cardamom to the brew.Turkish law makes it legal for a woman to divorce her husband if he fail to provide her with her daily quota of coffee. It was much later introduced in Arabia where it was gaurded as if it were some military plans.Coffee was believed by some Christians to be the devil's drink.It has another tale to it.The beans was boiled n drunk by Arab traders n they called it "QAWAH" .Anyone who has seen Mission Kashmir will agree with me.

Then it made it's way around to Italy were it was even Baptized by the then Pope.The Dutch become the first to transport and cultivate coffee commercially, in Ceylon and in their East Indian colony - Java, source of the brew's nickname.For all those s/w nerds it isnt the Java which u think.In Germany the derogatory term "KaffeeKlatsch" was coined to describe women's gossip at coffee affairs.Some scientist in South America produced the instant coffe n termed it Red E Coffee.Those in Chennai wud be familiar with a shop of this name in Nungambakkam n I guess another one in Chetpet.Nestle company invented freeze-dried coffee, developed Nescafe and introduced it in Switzerland.Birth of Nestle.
Question:wat does all this research on coffe prove?
Answer:I am really jobless someone plzzzzzzzz come online.

Well now everyone who has read this blog wud've been enlightened enuf n be ready to crack CAT.I got a reading comprehension which was similar to the paragraphs written above.No wonder I dint crack.Now coffee is something nice to listen.How's this for a take-KAAPI.Ya that's wat we tamilians call it.Kaapi is a must in every house in Tamilnadu.Even the Mylapore Mami's devour it.Any house u go or that matter a restaraunt they wud ask u "Sir, how about Narasus coffe?".Yes Narasus is the hot running brand for years but with products like "Idhu Bru ma" it's been falling down of late.But yes if ur a welcome visitor to a house in T.N. then u'll be provided food n then u finish the meal with a delicous coffee.Not that I am any big fan of it.And if ur someone who has come uninvited then there u go no food directly a coffee.Dont expect anyone to provide filter coffee if u go begging.Tamilians will give anythin 2 beggars not coffee.That's only for the athithi.This is a usual sitiuation in a house in T.N. esp a Brahmin household
Scene 1:Early morning 6:30 A.M.
"Pattu kaapi" This is bed coffee u clean ur mouth that no need to brush this has menthol in it which cleans ur mouth.C how v save money on toothbrushes n paste.As for people wearin braces 2 cups would do.
Scene 2:Morning 7:00 A.M.
After lazing around for a while n performing PRATAHA SANDHYAVANDHANAM another coffee this is one is as Saif says for the pressure.
Scene 3:Morning 8:00 A.M.
This is before u go 2 office as it makes u fresh n helps u to relax.
N then as the day goes one during the seista time to relieve the headache n after getting back home. Tiredness n lots of work are the reason n to end the day one in the night.This is again for not having brushed in the morning.This compensates n continues.For anything like cutting ur nails,having a shave,Scratchin ur hair they serve kaapi even when someone dies ,someone is born hey not 2 the baby which is born.That is the only thing which has been spared of kaapi.

Now not all the illads do this.But some form of the bean has to go in.So came about the make over from kaapi to cappucino.Well all this started with the launch of espresso machines.The name espresso is Italian in origin loosely translated, means a cup of coffee brewed expressly for you.Expresso is the number one alternate spelling related to enjoying the worlds most seductive coffee: espresso. I do not know the origin of this mis-spelling, but at least 1/4 of people searching for an expresso machine - putting it the right way.

WHAT IS CAPPUCINO?
Cappucino is one third expresso coffee, 1 third steamed milk and 1/3 milk froth with a bit of mud n clay. Capuchino is a similar drink made by men in light brown pants. Capucino, capuccino, cappachino?? Who knows. Well Cappuccino is named for the resemblance of its color to the robes of the monks of the Capuchin order. Now every coffe lover around the world wud've had a sip of cappucino.Even a guy like me has had it.So I expect everyone of u to have tasted it.Didnt anyone of u find anything wrong qith it? U can ask "Yes Newton,wat did u find?".The point is I found something but unfortunately not while I was drinking it.One day casually as I was going thru THE HINDU I found an article which stunned me.It's caption was something like this "CAPPUCINO DRINKERS HAVE AS MANY LIVES AS A CAT".Well I got curious n went through it n gosh I almost drowned in my own puke 'cos the previous day only I had a Cappucino.Well for all those sweet cappucino lovers here's a shock it contains cat's FAECES.I cudnt believe wat I was reading.At that time I thought poor me if I feel so bad how wud all those cappu fellows feel.I laughed heartily thinkin at that.It was like watching Rajnikanth dance on the tv with volume muted.People who dint belive wat I was sayin click here.U'll know the truth n will be definitely enlightened.Well I can imagine how u ppl must b feelin after readin that.All I can say is it happens even with the best.I feel like Sherlock Holmes who has had his man in his dragnet n is proudly lecturing him the ways he went about finding it.Well what u choose Kaapi or Cappucino?It's ur call - U can be a humble tamilian like me or have as many lives as a Cat's.
And And I am sorry I'll clear the question lingering on everyone's mind "Why dint Ashwin attend COFFEE WITH KARAN?"
Well I'll give u 2 good reasons:
1.I dont get along with guys who give the oomphs and the ouchs
2.He serves Cappucino not coffee. Now isnt that enuf.
P.S.:-ILLAD is the slang used by the BITSians and even the IITians to describe a tamilians.Like wise telugu people are called Gults and North Indians are called CHOMS-chapathi oriented men.
cyaaa ashwin

Monday, September 26, 2005

DEATH

Walking among the group I feel the eerie silence hanging over me
I looked at her face still and frozen
Hell would be better I thought
Instead of the guilt I had built up like a wall

Eyes downcast and carrying a lump in my throat
I was shaking all over just like a rudderless boat
Where was I when she needed me on her side
Fate played a cruel trick by changing the tide

Trembling hands and a running nose
I unvieled the shroud to see her strike a pose
Tears were a scarcity
But for the guilty soul it seemed to be a necessity

She was always there when I needed her the most
And we celebrated small victories with a toast
I can still see her corpse burning on the pyre
My heart stopped beating as if stuck in a mire

She left me in a state of nauseation
Only to be heightened by the smell of her own cremation
She always said no one cheats death
Neither good health nor the best of wealth

Never thought she herself would fall in the vicious circle
As I sing this melancholy strain my skin turns purple
But today as I look at her with a garland over her photo
Tears roll down my eyes and I feel "Free the guilt" is going to be my motto

Seers nor my tears will get her back
All I can do is think about her and hit the sack
With trembling hands as I finish this I still ask "Was it my fault or was it her's?"

Thursday, September 22, 2005

COMING OF AGE


I saw a movie a week ago.Am talkin about the latest flick from the Khan clan to hit the screens.Well am no Taran Adarsh to do a review n that 2 on Bollywood but I have my own reservations about that movie.It started of as usual with lots of naked dances on the usual beaches with blue water.Saif like Salman isnt searchin for reasons to get undressed - he is never dressed so that makes it pretty simple.Well coming to the theme of the movie - Concubinage,it cud happen but not I guess in India were like good people we are bound to grihakarya.Imagine going n tellin 2 ur dad "hey pop I have got sick of u,I think I really like her am gonna c were it's gonna go n end so am gonna concubinate" n before u knew wat's happenin Thud... wat was that a neat slap n there ends it.I donno about other pops but my pop would sure do that.N the climax a horrible one at that were abhishek looks more like a secret agent in a doc's robe n goes around peeping every hole he finds.gosh it was sick.I saw another bollywood incredible James.Now if any one critises salman for not wearin clothes am gonna kick them.U shud go n take a look at nisha kothari she wud put salman at shame.She wears all the brightest curtains, u see the one's dangling down from the ceilings at ur home.. man I never knew ramu was so short of money tearin curtains n sofa covers to dress his heroine.

Today seems to be a holy day for me.I came face to face with the joys of watchin water not come from the hand flush n the eternal bliss in using a tissue to wipe it off.yuukk.After that I walked out of the bathroom as coolly as u can get n was actin like a real pseud.My dad is sendin me shivers by threatening to cut my hair which is slowly growin like samson's.God knows wat 2 do with my dad.Me n my dad share a Laurel n Hardy kinda relationship.The catch here is both of us are fat he he.Here are some catchy one's
ASHWIN:Dad, wont it look cool if I keep that bird on my hand n go around.
DAD:Ya u wud look a like a stud if it shits in ur hand.
ASHWIN:Dad,am gonna milk that cow
DAD:Be careful it cud milk u too
God every time I say somethin I wud get hit in the butt right there.But it is real fun givin n takin very less of givin.
I just hate that term coming of age.The Indians seem to use it for everything.From the MAMI'S in Mylapore to Ravi Shastri at Bulawayo everyone seems to use it.Just look at all the contexts it is used:
MAMI:Am so happy for ritu she's finally come of age. Well I donno how ritu was feelin then.
Ravi Shastri:Well U jus look at the way Irfaan is bowlin I can tell u He's come of age.Wat the fuk did he attain puberty while runnin 2 his bowlin mark?I mean he's bowling bazookas at some hapless zimbabweans who have names like diseases n improvin his stats.N shastri tells he's come of age.It was as easy for pathan as was sleepin with men for cleopatra.bad one I guess.
N now have a look at taran adarsh.
TARAN:Hindi movies have finally come of age.Ya with movies like james n i'll give u a dialogue from that useless piece of shit.
VILLAIN(to the hero):"THU USKA DOODH PITA HAIN KYAA?" n rightly so he gets WHAM n ya hindi movies have come of age. Now compare this dialogue n the one from one of my favourite movies FIGHT CLUB.
Tyler Durden is saying, "The first rule of fight club is you don't talk about fight club."
"The second rule of fight club," Tyler yells, "is you don't talk about fight club."
Now u know wat is coming of age.
I guess enuf of enlightment n happy bloggin. n for all those of u who love to test ur I.Q. jus try this link <http://grant.robinson.name/projects/guess-the-google/> n the image on the top that's me he he.
ashwin

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

lost n found!!!

Well there is nothing more sweeter than losing something n after all ur die hard efforts u manage it 2 find it say rather get it.It's like u were sittin in discrete math lecture n u were holdin ur urine all through the lecture n then the lousy guy lets everyone free n u have a download...wow... that's the sort of tension u carrry along with u when u loose somethin u treasured a lot n when u get it back I neednt repeat wat i often say "Watever u try the last 2 drops are always in ur pants".wise saying rite.Even though u have a gr8 download there r the scars u cant prevent(u cant hide such scars).similarly even though u get back what u lost ur left with some unpleasant memories about that.

Well the most important thing- wat did i loose?It was my goddamn suitcase.Goddamned till then, the moment I lost it I knew it's enormity.It was not just a weight I was lifting.I had my degree certificates-the only thing 2 prove am another asshole among a buch of assholes,my cheque books(hey am earnin),my cbse certis,my clothes n most importantly my unddies.So many my's were there in that suitcase.The moment I landed in B'lore this catastrophy had occcured.I dint even have a undi 2 change n my friend quietly watchin all this(he was the real culprit) told I can the wear the same thing on the reverse side.I said wow wat sense of timing n wat advice.The suitcase had got misplaced n had moved away quietly to mysore along with the train.Only after a while did I realise it n the moment that happened all hell broke loose.

I remember using cultured language at my friends n ripe with anger I went n reported to the station master.Here's the conversation that took place b/w n the station master.
ASHWIN:Sir I lost my V.I.P suitcase.Blue in colour n has wheels too.
MASTER:Y the **** dint u also go along with the suitcase.
u have got 2 pity him.It was 5 in the mornin.
ASHWIN:I dint go sir that's y am reportin it is lost.
MASTER:wat the hell, are'nt u educated or wat?
ASHWIN:am educated a bit(err..)
MASTER:ya I can c ur a know it all engineer who doesnt know wat he does.
Well I thought of askin "How did u know I was an engg?" but wisely decided not to.
Then after lots of phone calls he told me to come back in the evenin n check out the status.The whole day my mind was only filled with 1 thing "Wen do I change my undi?"

With such unclear thinking n a temper as hot as ajay devgan's in HUM DIL DE CHUKE SANAM wen he find out his wife dotes on someone else.Y am I tellin all this?Ya the whole day I ws in bad spirits partly due to abdomen twitching.Well comin 2 abdomen twitching I donno how do the cricketers give the red cherry a real go at their crotch.The answer is pretty simple u dont want to be caught on television doin such things explicitly so they devised a tactic.genius huh these cricketers.Well there r exceptions 2 that also.Saurav ganguly was once caught in the act n this time he dint let go of it as fast as he wud do to his wicket but he went on n on each time more ferocious more dedicated n it was huge fun when he saw that on the giant screen himself.The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.Poor ganguly he is finding a place even in Ashwin's blogs.Bad times for Indian cricket......

After bitching around the whole day I rushed to the station sharply at 7:00 only to be informed that I had to come back at 11:00 to meet a policeman who wud be comin from Mysore with a bag that fitted my V.I.P's description.With enthu n alarm in equal proportion I went back to my room n prayed for the best .Fearin the worst I went back n to my dismay the policeman was there but not my suitcase.I was told that it was lying at a place called Maddur 45 from mysore n I had to go n personaaly pick it up.Well I was packed off immediately by the policemen into a train by 11:45 to maddur.It looked as desolete as the station in DIL SE(1 SCENE).The station master wasnt there n I was given over the top reception by the guy managing things at the station.He dint stop with that,he gave me comfortable n cosy accomodation on the platform bench.Wow I was having holiday of a life time.I curled up like a prematurely born child n even had an erection I mean due to the cold I cud feel my hair under my neck standin .

Daylight ushered in a new hope in my bleak life n to my utter joy I found my suitcase in all health n style n to top it all nothing was missing.I profusely thanked the station master n thought "not everyone are bad like me".
cyaa ashwin.

Monday, September 12, 2005

THE DENTIST


The person who has benefitted the most by the birth of his holiness Ashwin T Sundar has been the dentist.Right from my birth I was told that the gums on my upper jaw where a bit 2 low & my teeth wud jar out like a rhino's horn.Well to add 2 all this I fell down a couple of times directly on my face(like those in chaplin's films) & broke couple of my front tooth.And there I was having charming looks and looking as handsome as SHAKTHIMAAN with his tooth out n was promptly named BUGS BUNNY.Though I never thought much about my teeth the moment I stepped into coll my dad n mom pestered me to have braces around my teeth.

So alas in 3rd year of engg I was given such a reception by my friends as does a person get when he goes 2 receive the queens award of honour.In this case the award was pullin out couple a tooth which wudnt come out(thank god it wasnt the canine) & put with tiny peices of metal stickin 2 my tooth which wudnt budge even when pulled by a bulldozer.There it was,I was laid down with all sorts of restrictions on wat 2 eat,wat not 2 eat,how 2 bite,were 2 bite,wat 2 bite n all crazy stuff.All in all I had become a compulsive watcher as far as food was concerned.

But for a brilliant hogger like me the temptation was 2 much.I resisted the temptation for a month but one day when I saw a MURUKKU being served to me there goes everything and like rama had completed his vanavas I just climbed into the murukku but at the same time I cud hear metal clintering away.The more I bit the more I cud hear and like a arrow the string in the clip was shattered and I was spittin meatl pieces all over.This started to happen on a regular basics and the culprits ranged from murukku to apple.

The doctor was fed up with me and it was same with me too.So I took sabattical leave from the dentist after eleven months of irrregular treatment.With the help of my friend and a cutting plier (it is prettty versatile tool). I broke the ends of my string with a dentist's precision he he and I was a happy man again untill three days before where I broke the remainin part into shambles and I was looking like Mr.Bean with pieces of metal jutting out of my mouth courtesy an apple.So there I had to go back to meet my nemesis and he said the entire set had to replaced and the treatment to take 4 more months.
Icing on the cake-the bill was Rs.8000 only.God where is all my salary goin.

Moral of the story:-
1. Never put braces even if ur teeth seems to curve like an elephants tusk
2. If u still want to look like Jassy go to the welder not the dentist he cud do a better job at cheaper rates.
3. If u wear braces do not bite just stuff it in(Tried that once too)

cyaa ashwin

Friday, September 09, 2005

poet in me

hi this is my clumsy attempt at poetry.hope u get bugged after going through this.

Shadows lengthen and fall
Time seems to come to a stall
Buildings rise by high and tall
Clouds move around and cover them like a shawl
In between all this I stand numb and small
Watching the raindrops fall on one and all
Deep down within I hear a call
N off I take cover in the nearest mall
I could hear a familiar voice hum Pink floyd's WALL
And then I see that face I longed for
Amidst all the confusion I could feel a premonition
"Was this an illusion?" I ask myself
In between all this I stand numb and small
Watching the raindrops fall on one and all
Deep down within I hear a call
I had attained Niravana
I was in love

Hats off 2 ashwin.byee.
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