Sunday, December 25, 2005

IRIS

Puzzles,crypts,deciphering,decoding,google,imdb,freinds help.. these are the only things that I've been doing since friday.I must really thank my friend Sriram for asking me to try these puzzles or in the sense the klueLESS competiton of IIM Indore.I will tell you what exactly it is.It has 30 stages.I have given you the biggest clue 'cos I dint know how many were ther while I was doing.It was jus like walking on a highway without wearing my spex.There are clues given on the page in form of pictures or the clues are hidden in the source of the Internet explorer page.Dont worry all these things will be there in rules.It took whole of friday and friday nite upto late 3:30 in the morning and I finished it by 11 p.m. on saturday.No wonder I slept the whole day yesterday.Here's the link
http://www.iimi-iris.com/iris/irising/klueLESS

I dont have anything to write now or discuss with you.Try that link it's a really amazing one.U have to find the clues and type it in the address bar or proceed according to the information on the page.So all u people if anyone reading this page try it n if you are one of those who are ready for the battle go ahead it's real fun n any clues bank on me to give some.
signing off
ashwin

Sunday, December 11, 2005

WEEKEND MUSINGS

Something was troubling me throughout the day.I was feeling uneasy and restless.No I did not Pee in my pants,it's the sort of feeling when am not able to recollect something which had taken place.And there it came to me like a flash.It struck me as a jolt.How cud I ever forget this?Immediately I rummaged The Hindu and to my surprise I found nothing.Mebbe it cud've escaped my blind eyes but am pretty sure there was nothing mentioned.I did not find the sunday magazine to have a thorough check but according to what dad had said it seemed that it wasnt mentioned even there.Bunch of jokers I guess the media has become.As Aamir Khan rightly pointed out there is room only for sensationalism and nothing else.So wat if anyone mentioned or not am not gonna wait anymore.So I thought, make use of Online Journalism available to you and that's what am doing right now.It was exactly an year before, not exactly 365 but 366 days to be precise,on the 11th of december 2004 that the Nightingale - M.S.Subbulakshmi or MS as she is fondly called passed away.It really hurts me now that I was very near to the place of her death - Isabel Hospital in Mylapore and I dint even go to the hospital to pay my homages.Not that she was expecting me 2 do it.I was doing the Clean ur ass after u shit routine.Ya u got it rite,it was my final year project which was supposed to break laws of computational science but ended no where.Coming back to the matter at hand I was shocked at that moment when she passed away because me and my friends considered her as the near thing to perfection.She was a Saint and a Queen bundled into one and add to that a voice that could make u hang like a raindrop on the tenterhooks of a slanting roof.Such was the mesmerising effect her voice had the world over.No wonder Gandhi proclaimed her voice as the next best thing after freedom.My father was the person who introduced me to this world of declared divinty.He was a very big fan of MS and it was natural that even I started to listen to her songs.I think lots of credit must go to her for introducing Carnatic Music to the world when she sang at the UN convention I think in 1967.Even today her Vaishnava Janato and Bhaja Govindam cud make you sway.How cruel that such a person was initially not even given state honours after her death.Only when the President said that he wud be flying to Chennai did they make all arrangements in a hurry.One could argue that Sachin on saturday had bowled over India and the newspapers dont need a second invitation to publish news as sensational as this but a small column atleast cud've been devoted to her.Well who am I to blame everyone?I myself remembered this yesterday nite and the same thing might have happened elsewhere.But lets see if anyone else takes the cue from me and does something.A person who has been awarded the Padma Bhushan,Padma Vibushan and Bharath Ratna cannot be forgotten so easily.

But weekend was real fun.I found that there is something better than the combo of Vodka and Floyd.Vodka and Pulikaachal is woooooow.I guess I can start writing a book now.And for those who are wonder wat on earth is Pulikaachal(in Tamil) it is the paste u use to prepare Pulihora or Imli rice.Am not getting the name in english damn.Had couple of gulps and was in wonderland for a long time.The last thing you can ask a drunkard is "Tell me Wat happened Exactly yesterday Nite?".But this combo man I can never forget I suppose.After getting up we decided to watch Ek Ajnabee and I had to use all my fucked up persuasive skills to get Venkat to watch the movie.He was really irritating me and was behaving like a mom who had to urgently breastfeed her child.Somehow we managed to get hold of the tickets and even though I knew it was a remake of Man On Fire I wanted to watch it as the promos were very slick.And yaa AB dint disappoint anyone.He is simply mindblowing in the movie and the kid is even more better.Arjun Rampal tries to act very cool but cannot just make it.But you see these Hindi films they cannot even make a copy.They would try to prove their intelligence and somewere down the line they wud screw the movie.The second half is a bit of a drag but AB makes it up.Classic eg of AB bigger than the movie.Anyways worth a watch.I got hold of a book called Vernon God Little.


It won the Booker Prize in 2003 and man it sure rocks.My friend Vijay was the person who always spoke about that book and when he speaks about something highly it's definitely worth it.There's a story to the author of this book- DBC Pierre.Vijay told me DBC stands for Dirty But Clean.This guy was a big time drug addict and one day found himself fallen near some dustbin and the typical case of no money but hungry.The he had realised how low he had stooped in life and now look he has written one of the best books I've rad so far.Must match with Catch22,no 2 steps below that.I havent finished it but it's brilliant to say in the least.Hope the ending doesnt get screwed up like One night @ call center.Anyways do listen to MS songs.Every song will be a new experience.

P.S:- It's Thalaivar's Bithday,as he is called.So happy b'day Rajnikanth.

ashwin

Sunday, December 04, 2005

THE MIDDLE FINGER


How does it feel staring straight into this?It has hurt the pride n ego of many.Well the finger I have shown I mean the foto it is pretty small but the picture is bigger than that.We have seen many pictures of this all over the place.Be it on television or on a t-shirt it has caught the imagination as well as caysed outrage.I donno wat exactly it means now.Has many meanings,the primary one being fuck off or in the sense is used as the best humiliating weapon.It has become a sort of a tradition starting rite from skools where it is fashionable to show off ur middle finger and utter the f word.There was this incident regarding a girl at my bro's skool related to the middle finger.It seems a busty girl at my bro's skool had been the centre of attraction and for some unknown reason which I do not want to dwell upon was named CHAMELI.And guys do not need an initiative to call girls by names and there u go in the middle of the class some hero shouted "CHAMELI" and poor girl in a fit of rage showed the middle finger to the boy.LOL the boy was embarassed beyond words n the funnier thing was the teacher in the class had noticed wat had happened.And there u go here was one female who dint know wat it was n to the amusement of everyone she asked "wat does it mean?".Well all of u at some point wud've seen something as funny as this or even funnier.

But the thing is is pointing the middle finger a show of arrogance or contempt or a sign of sexual abuse or any other crap?Giving the finger was also known as "giving the bird".It was seen as the flight of the bird or something by the greeks and the bird was considered as an aggressive cut down.Any perverts like me who have stayed in a hostel wud've had the misfortune of watching a shitting,psycho adult movie called Caligula.Oops am revealing too many things about myself.It is about the roman emperor Caligula a pioneer in perversity who shocked his citizens and those watching the movie by asking his followers to kiss his middle finger and finally was assasinated by one of his subjects.Gees enuf of Caligula n perverse stuff but as a contradiction to it the church always frowned on the use of the middle finger as a perverse symbol 'cos it was considered holy during the mass.There was that other story about French soldiers expecting to win ,planned to cut the middle fingers of all captured British soldiers in order to stop them from drawing their famed English longbow.Much to the French astonishment the Englishmen won the war and began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at the defeated French.Now the finger is making headlines again due to our Indian coach Greg Chappell.I feel he was damn right in showing that finger to the Calcutta crowd which booed their own players.Well many feel he was not right n stuff but I sincerely hope he isnt punished for this 'cos I remember Saurav doing the same to a group of Australian supporters after India won a match there.Now I guess it's an Australians turn to show the same finger at the Kolkata public.Just c the impact,when the finger viewed on a wide range it can be quite devastating and LOL the Indian team manager, some wing commander guy told that chappell's finger was injured.Holy crap no wonder he is the manager. Remember that scene in LAGAAN where Aamir n his colleagues look up 2 the skies when the umpire raises his dreaded finger.Well that wud be quite a sught if all the umpires lift their middle fingers up.It wud create quite a ruckus I guess because ppl wud be guessing is he giving someone out or is he fingering the batsman or the bowler?Even better imagine when someone hits a six the umpire wud gloriously raise both hands and as if 1 wasnt enuf u wud c 2 there.Cricket wud definitely turn into a spectacle like football shud someone try all this.


The better eg of these happenings are Rose giving the finger to a certain Jack in Titanic.Better than these I will show u I have a couple of snaps of them.Here u go.



This was vice-president Nelson Rockefeller during his speech against some Senator I guess and the next yaa u shud've guessed none other than our smelly armpit George Bush.


The finger seems to be longer than his face.But the thing that was guessed at that time was Nelson was in first stages of Dementia and so that cud've been the reason for him 2 act so aggresively.But he died 2 yrs later.Same thing can be said about Bush, but the only difference is after 2 yrs he went on to become the US president.Irony I guess any finger poking asshole goes on to rule the world.Guess Laalu shud start following this in Bihar.He mite win the next election.And Mr.Bean is another eg at giving the middle finger but his misgivings bring a smile on ur face when u watch his funny antics.Some guy showed the finger to some judge and was sent behind the bars.Well all this middle finger concept,it being so intelligent cud've been only started by the Americans.None can beat us in giving gaalis Teri maaki.Hmm v Indians scold only the women I never heard theri baapki or something.It's only that men alone use this even women I have seen some use the same Maakiii,so yaa u got it right v Indians do not discriminate. But when it comes to shit,tits n fingers none 2 beat the Americans I guess.They r the best users of anything perverse.Pulp Fiction one of the all time best movies holds the distinction of using nax no of Mother F***** in a movie but I dont remember cing a finger there.And one middle finger which has still captured the imagination is this one


Guess whose it is?It is none other than than the Great Mathematician Galelio Galelei.Its been preserved till date in some museum in Italy.Some wierdy Bastard tore off the finger from his body but it's fitting that Galelio is still showing the finger to those who doubted that sun was the centre and earth revolved around it.As Chetan Bhagat puts it the Ultimate Indian male fantasy wud be to crack the skull of his boss but I think it wud be even better if v gave them the finger.Hey dont try it even if ur even remotely inspired by this inspid post.Before u give the finger to me I'll end this.

signing off

ashwin

Saturday, December 03, 2005

USELESS

I've been feeling pretty low in life.I have been writing lost in love poems,was watchin dud cricket matches,tried washin my clothes landed up being unsuccessful in that too.These days my favourite Ad on tv is Tata AIG Life Insurance,not because it is very creative or anything.It is jus that I have got tired of working in jus 4 months in an IT industry.Am already planning to retire.I have been consulting various people on how I should invest my savings of 350 bucks so that I can live peacefully after retiring.Well they all were unanimous in their reply - DADDY is the only solution.Seriously saving is tough n trying 2 save sucks.Well even though I am having a tough time at the office doing really difficult things like gobbling up sandwiches,presing Ctrl+Alt+Del on regular basis,cheking the charge on my mob every second,going to the rest room and shaking my hair n combing it again,calling up mom n asking her wats for dinner n lots a other things.But the thing which puts me apart from the rest is I have so many b'ful chicks earning hot cash by showing off their various skills at my office.There r 2 many 2 even count but alas cannot even speak 2 them.No am not dumb or anything.But the law of inverse proportions plays a significant part here.The law states that the better or the more b'ful category of girls wud always be with the lower or ugly proportion of the opposite sex.Boy many a time has my heart wailed,my ass burnt,all inner coals have been lighted when I c the usual scene happening.

There wud b that pretty beautiful gal standing across the cafeteria n I wud be in a vantage position to catch all her emotions n there out of n where like sunny deols dialogues at unwanted times,well his films itself suck so his dialogues too wud.Yaa out of no where this shame on the term "greek god" wud appear n walk away with her.Well that law has a flaw.Obvious the most handsome guy wud be with the most b'ful gal 'cos its a matter of prestige.But these gals they wud be both of them.Pretty intelligent females these section of b'ful gals are.They get 2 know sides of the coin called Manhood.But alas the ok category like me are ignored n stamped upon with ruthless akin 2 the Australian cricket side.And that 2 a south Indian guy n in that subset a Tamilian n in that subset of subset an iyer n in that dropdown listbox category of iyers - boy with braces n add 2 that a spex.Wow wat a sexy resume to impress a female.Now guys in this category find it the hardest 2 even get 2 smell the scent of a woman.The best possible thing for him 2 do is try a south Indian iyer female.That cud be acheived if:-
1.Highly qualified if not atleast more qualified than the female
2. In a good job n earning well
3. Doing Sandhyavandhanam on a regular basis
4.Should love vadumaanga n thairsaadam
Well the only thing going in my favour is the 4 point vadumaanga is a pickle and thair saadham is curd rice.All these females esp. good looking ones have this amazing memory in terms of mugging things through out their life n end up earning degrees bigger than their names esp. tamil iyer ones.I donno how their memory goes weak wen they act as if they dint recognise an ok looking fellow.And north indian females no chance,forget it.They r the strangest creations on earth.They will be with the rowdys gang only.They have this urge 2 make headlines n the way they can do it is to hang out with these so called dudes,not with thair sadhams.If anyone of these females by chance started to speak ur hindi skills will be put to extreme test 'cos they will not utter a word of english.And at that supreme moment a tamilian in his unimitable tamil accent wud be caught red handed n dutifully be shown the exit.Or even by chance u pass all these AgniParikshas,1 month before Raakhi itself u will be called Bhaiya n u wud revel in the glory of brotherhood.By the way any north indian female thinking of me,I have managed to get a list of things am useless at.Here I go:-
1.Using the comp n especially installing windows n using Microsoft applications.
2.Washing my clothes without tearing and bleaching them
3.Drinking water from a glass without spilling it on myself n guess were the water falls.... egzactly
4.Eating apples without breaking my braces
5.Trying to act like a seasoned IT pro
6.Driving bikes without the engine getting turned off atleast once... I drive Scooty also the same way In gearless case I fall down n make up for the engine loss
7.Athletics r for those who want 2 feel instant death,I was a record holder in Lemon n Spoon
8.Hopeless at Academics the only thing I remember till date is Pythagoras theorem 'cos once wrote 150 times imposition n had 2 repeat it for writing it 5 times wrong during the first imposition.
9.Cracking jokes are my strength.It generally brings a smile on their facs only after I have left the place.
20.Really useless in numbering.
10.The rising sun,the sound of the birds,the dew on the plants,the blossoming flower well I have seen all these a lot of times on Discovery never have I known early morning.
11.Have become more useless these days as I have even stopped watchin Discovery as it is being broadcasted in Hindi.
12.Handling children.I love children but any child who clings on to me invariably pisses n soils my clothes am the human toilet I guess.
13.My paintings r damn good.They wud look somewhere b/w a person puking in midst of a meal n a gorilla shitting
11.Again really useless in numbering things n even more useless at writing list of useless things.

byee n take care.
ashwin
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