Saturday, December 03, 2005

USELESS

I've been feeling pretty low in life.I have been writing lost in love poems,was watchin dud cricket matches,tried washin my clothes landed up being unsuccessful in that too.These days my favourite Ad on tv is Tata AIG Life Insurance,not because it is very creative or anything.It is jus that I have got tired of working in jus 4 months in an IT industry.Am already planning to retire.I have been consulting various people on how I should invest my savings of 350 bucks so that I can live peacefully after retiring.Well they all were unanimous in their reply - DADDY is the only solution.Seriously saving is tough n trying 2 save sucks.Well even though I am having a tough time at the office doing really difficult things like gobbling up sandwiches,presing Ctrl+Alt+Del on regular basis,cheking the charge on my mob every second,going to the rest room and shaking my hair n combing it again,calling up mom n asking her wats for dinner n lots a other things.But the thing which puts me apart from the rest is I have so many b'ful chicks earning hot cash by showing off their various skills at my office.There r 2 many 2 even count but alas cannot even speak 2 them.No am not dumb or anything.But the law of inverse proportions plays a significant part here.The law states that the better or the more b'ful category of girls wud always be with the lower or ugly proportion of the opposite sex.Boy many a time has my heart wailed,my ass burnt,all inner coals have been lighted when I c the usual scene happening.

There wud b that pretty beautiful gal standing across the cafeteria n I wud be in a vantage position to catch all her emotions n there out of n where like sunny deols dialogues at unwanted times,well his films itself suck so his dialogues too wud.Yaa out of no where this shame on the term "greek god" wud appear n walk away with her.Well that law has a flaw.Obvious the most handsome guy wud be with the most b'ful gal 'cos its a matter of prestige.But these gals they wud be both of them.Pretty intelligent females these section of b'ful gals are.They get 2 know sides of the coin called Manhood.But alas the ok category like me are ignored n stamped upon with ruthless akin 2 the Australian cricket side.And that 2 a south Indian guy n in that subset a Tamilian n in that subset of subset an iyer n in that dropdown listbox category of iyers - boy with braces n add 2 that a spex.Wow wat a sexy resume to impress a female.Now guys in this category find it the hardest 2 even get 2 smell the scent of a woman.The best possible thing for him 2 do is try a south Indian iyer female.That cud be acheived if:-
1.Highly qualified if not atleast more qualified than the female
2. In a good job n earning well
3. Doing Sandhyavandhanam on a regular basis
4.Should love vadumaanga n thairsaadam
Well the only thing going in my favour is the 4 point vadumaanga is a pickle and thair saadham is curd rice.All these females esp. good looking ones have this amazing memory in terms of mugging things through out their life n end up earning degrees bigger than their names esp. tamil iyer ones.I donno how their memory goes weak wen they act as if they dint recognise an ok looking fellow.And north indian females no chance,forget it.They r the strangest creations on earth.They will be with the rowdys gang only.They have this urge 2 make headlines n the way they can do it is to hang out with these so called dudes,not with thair sadhams.If anyone of these females by chance started to speak ur hindi skills will be put to extreme test 'cos they will not utter a word of english.And at that supreme moment a tamilian in his unimitable tamil accent wud be caught red handed n dutifully be shown the exit.Or even by chance u pass all these AgniParikshas,1 month before Raakhi itself u will be called Bhaiya n u wud revel in the glory of brotherhood.By the way any north indian female thinking of me,I have managed to get a list of things am useless at.Here I go:-
1.Using the comp n especially installing windows n using Microsoft applications.
2.Washing my clothes without tearing and bleaching them
3.Drinking water from a glass without spilling it on myself n guess were the water falls.... egzactly
4.Eating apples without breaking my braces
5.Trying to act like a seasoned IT pro
6.Driving bikes without the engine getting turned off atleast once... I drive Scooty also the same way In gearless case I fall down n make up for the engine loss
7.Athletics r for those who want 2 feel instant death,I was a record holder in Lemon n Spoon
8.Hopeless at Academics the only thing I remember till date is Pythagoras theorem 'cos once wrote 150 times imposition n had 2 repeat it for writing it 5 times wrong during the first imposition.
9.Cracking jokes are my strength.It generally brings a smile on their facs only after I have left the place.
20.Really useless in numbering.
10.The rising sun,the sound of the birds,the dew on the plants,the blossoming flower well I have seen all these a lot of times on Discovery never have I known early morning.
11.Have become more useless these days as I have even stopped watchin Discovery as it is being broadcasted in Hindi.
12.Handling children.I love children but any child who clings on to me invariably pisses n soils my clothes am the human toilet I guess.
13.My paintings r damn good.They wud look somewhere b/w a person puking in midst of a meal n a gorilla shitting
11.Again really useless in numbering things n even more useless at writing list of useless things.

byee n take care.
ashwin

5 comments:

The optimist from utopia said...

hey dont discourage fellow tamil brahmins.. of course me an iyengar but still.. The very li'l hope that I had has been washed away.. damn you!!

But then I dunt hav braces and I CAN install windows. I am pretty good at numbering as well :D So I hav a better chance.. Sam did tell me u were a despo soul but then.. this is the hieght of desperation.

May your soul rest in peace..

AMEN!!

ganty said...

huh... u know what just stick to the love lost poems.(hehe)
And dude i guess ur effort seems a bit small before a certain sidin vadukut
google for
"travails of single south indian men" +"sidin"
read the post;its really really pop in the blogosphere and i wudnt be surprised if u havent already read it

jp/sekar/ramji(RMT) said...

hey u told ur ass burnt...upload those burnt pieces pic in TITANZORG

Anonymous said...

hey Rapunzel!!!only if u don something about those lovely locks,u wud feel a lil less useless.
kuzzy

Anonymous said...

u know wat ... this post is the result of either of these two thins for sure ..
1. ur trying to emulate (in the silliest ways poss ) Sidin and his pic of single southh ind men
OR
2. ur trying to shout from the top of the world that U R AVAIBLE ,SINGLE and INSANELY DESPO by posting this blog ..

NITYA .

There was an error in this gadget