Sunday, December 25, 2005

IRIS

Puzzles,crypts,deciphering,decoding,google,imdb,freinds help.. these are the only things that I've been doing since friday.I must really thank my friend Sriram for asking me to try these puzzles or in the sense the klueLESS competiton of IIM Indore.I will tell you what exactly it is.It has 30 stages.I have given you the biggest clue 'cos I dint know how many were ther while I was doing.It was jus like walking on a highway without wearing my spex.There are clues given on the page in form of pictures or the clues are hidden in the source of the Internet explorer page.Dont worry all these things will be there in rules.It took whole of friday and friday nite upto late 3:30 in the morning and I finished it by 11 p.m. on saturday.No wonder I slept the whole day yesterday.Here's the link
http://www.iimi-iris.com/iris/irising/klueLESS

I dont have anything to write now or discuss with you.Try that link it's a really amazing one.U have to find the clues and type it in the address bar or proceed according to the information on the page.So all u people if anyone reading this page try it n if you are one of those who are ready for the battle go ahead it's real fun n any clues bank on me to give some.
signing off
ashwin

Sunday, December 11, 2005

WEEKEND MUSINGS

Something was troubling me throughout the day.I was feeling uneasy and restless.No I did not Pee in my pants,it's the sort of feeling when am not able to recollect something which had taken place.And there it came to me like a flash.It struck me as a jolt.How cud I ever forget this?Immediately I rummaged The Hindu and to my surprise I found nothing.Mebbe it cud've escaped my blind eyes but am pretty sure there was nothing mentioned.I did not find the sunday magazine to have a thorough check but according to what dad had said it seemed that it wasnt mentioned even there.Bunch of jokers I guess the media has become.As Aamir Khan rightly pointed out there is room only for sensationalism and nothing else.So wat if anyone mentioned or not am not gonna wait anymore.So I thought, make use of Online Journalism available to you and that's what am doing right now.It was exactly an year before, not exactly 365 but 366 days to be precise,on the 11th of december 2004 that the Nightingale - M.S.Subbulakshmi or MS as she is fondly called passed away.It really hurts me now that I was very near to the place of her death - Isabel Hospital in Mylapore and I dint even go to the hospital to pay my homages.Not that she was expecting me 2 do it.I was doing the Clean ur ass after u shit routine.Ya u got it rite,it was my final year project which was supposed to break laws of computational science but ended no where.Coming back to the matter at hand I was shocked at that moment when she passed away because me and my friends considered her as the near thing to perfection.She was a Saint and a Queen bundled into one and add to that a voice that could make u hang like a raindrop on the tenterhooks of a slanting roof.Such was the mesmerising effect her voice had the world over.No wonder Gandhi proclaimed her voice as the next best thing after freedom.My father was the person who introduced me to this world of declared divinty.He was a very big fan of MS and it was natural that even I started to listen to her songs.I think lots of credit must go to her for introducing Carnatic Music to the world when she sang at the UN convention I think in 1967.Even today her Vaishnava Janato and Bhaja Govindam cud make you sway.How cruel that such a person was initially not even given state honours after her death.Only when the President said that he wud be flying to Chennai did they make all arrangements in a hurry.One could argue that Sachin on saturday had bowled over India and the newspapers dont need a second invitation to publish news as sensational as this but a small column atleast cud've been devoted to her.Well who am I to blame everyone?I myself remembered this yesterday nite and the same thing might have happened elsewhere.But lets see if anyone else takes the cue from me and does something.A person who has been awarded the Padma Bhushan,Padma Vibushan and Bharath Ratna cannot be forgotten so easily.

But weekend was real fun.I found that there is something better than the combo of Vodka and Floyd.Vodka and Pulikaachal is woooooow.I guess I can start writing a book now.And for those who are wonder wat on earth is Pulikaachal(in Tamil) it is the paste u use to prepare Pulihora or Imli rice.Am not getting the name in english damn.Had couple of gulps and was in wonderland for a long time.The last thing you can ask a drunkard is "Tell me Wat happened Exactly yesterday Nite?".But this combo man I can never forget I suppose.After getting up we decided to watch Ek Ajnabee and I had to use all my fucked up persuasive skills to get Venkat to watch the movie.He was really irritating me and was behaving like a mom who had to urgently breastfeed her child.Somehow we managed to get hold of the tickets and even though I knew it was a remake of Man On Fire I wanted to watch it as the promos were very slick.And yaa AB dint disappoint anyone.He is simply mindblowing in the movie and the kid is even more better.Arjun Rampal tries to act very cool but cannot just make it.But you see these Hindi films they cannot even make a copy.They would try to prove their intelligence and somewere down the line they wud screw the movie.The second half is a bit of a drag but AB makes it up.Classic eg of AB bigger than the movie.Anyways worth a watch.I got hold of a book called Vernon God Little.


It won the Booker Prize in 2003 and man it sure rocks.My friend Vijay was the person who always spoke about that book and when he speaks about something highly it's definitely worth it.There's a story to the author of this book- DBC Pierre.Vijay told me DBC stands for Dirty But Clean.This guy was a big time drug addict and one day found himself fallen near some dustbin and the typical case of no money but hungry.The he had realised how low he had stooped in life and now look he has written one of the best books I've rad so far.Must match with Catch22,no 2 steps below that.I havent finished it but it's brilliant to say in the least.Hope the ending doesnt get screwed up like One night @ call center.Anyways do listen to MS songs.Every song will be a new experience.

P.S:- It's Thalaivar's Bithday,as he is called.So happy b'day Rajnikanth.

ashwin

Sunday, December 04, 2005

THE MIDDLE FINGER


How does it feel staring straight into this?It has hurt the pride n ego of many.Well the finger I have shown I mean the foto it is pretty small but the picture is bigger than that.We have seen many pictures of this all over the place.Be it on television or on a t-shirt it has caught the imagination as well as caysed outrage.I donno wat exactly it means now.Has many meanings,the primary one being fuck off or in the sense is used as the best humiliating weapon.It has become a sort of a tradition starting rite from skools where it is fashionable to show off ur middle finger and utter the f word.There was this incident regarding a girl at my bro's skool related to the middle finger.It seems a busty girl at my bro's skool had been the centre of attraction and for some unknown reason which I do not want to dwell upon was named CHAMELI.And guys do not need an initiative to call girls by names and there u go in the middle of the class some hero shouted "CHAMELI" and poor girl in a fit of rage showed the middle finger to the boy.LOL the boy was embarassed beyond words n the funnier thing was the teacher in the class had noticed wat had happened.And there u go here was one female who dint know wat it was n to the amusement of everyone she asked "wat does it mean?".Well all of u at some point wud've seen something as funny as this or even funnier.

But the thing is is pointing the middle finger a show of arrogance or contempt or a sign of sexual abuse or any other crap?Giving the finger was also known as "giving the bird".It was seen as the flight of the bird or something by the greeks and the bird was considered as an aggressive cut down.Any perverts like me who have stayed in a hostel wud've had the misfortune of watching a shitting,psycho adult movie called Caligula.Oops am revealing too many things about myself.It is about the roman emperor Caligula a pioneer in perversity who shocked his citizens and those watching the movie by asking his followers to kiss his middle finger and finally was assasinated by one of his subjects.Gees enuf of Caligula n perverse stuff but as a contradiction to it the church always frowned on the use of the middle finger as a perverse symbol 'cos it was considered holy during the mass.There was that other story about French soldiers expecting to win ,planned to cut the middle fingers of all captured British soldiers in order to stop them from drawing their famed English longbow.Much to the French astonishment the Englishmen won the war and began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at the defeated French.Now the finger is making headlines again due to our Indian coach Greg Chappell.I feel he was damn right in showing that finger to the Calcutta crowd which booed their own players.Well many feel he was not right n stuff but I sincerely hope he isnt punished for this 'cos I remember Saurav doing the same to a group of Australian supporters after India won a match there.Now I guess it's an Australians turn to show the same finger at the Kolkata public.Just c the impact,when the finger viewed on a wide range it can be quite devastating and LOL the Indian team manager, some wing commander guy told that chappell's finger was injured.Holy crap no wonder he is the manager. Remember that scene in LAGAAN where Aamir n his colleagues look up 2 the skies when the umpire raises his dreaded finger.Well that wud be quite a sught if all the umpires lift their middle fingers up.It wud create quite a ruckus I guess because ppl wud be guessing is he giving someone out or is he fingering the batsman or the bowler?Even better imagine when someone hits a six the umpire wud gloriously raise both hands and as if 1 wasnt enuf u wud c 2 there.Cricket wud definitely turn into a spectacle like football shud someone try all this.


The better eg of these happenings are Rose giving the finger to a certain Jack in Titanic.Better than these I will show u I have a couple of snaps of them.Here u go.



This was vice-president Nelson Rockefeller during his speech against some Senator I guess and the next yaa u shud've guessed none other than our smelly armpit George Bush.


The finger seems to be longer than his face.But the thing that was guessed at that time was Nelson was in first stages of Dementia and so that cud've been the reason for him 2 act so aggresively.But he died 2 yrs later.Same thing can be said about Bush, but the only difference is after 2 yrs he went on to become the US president.Irony I guess any finger poking asshole goes on to rule the world.Guess Laalu shud start following this in Bihar.He mite win the next election.And Mr.Bean is another eg at giving the middle finger but his misgivings bring a smile on ur face when u watch his funny antics.Some guy showed the finger to some judge and was sent behind the bars.Well all this middle finger concept,it being so intelligent cud've been only started by the Americans.None can beat us in giving gaalis Teri maaki.Hmm v Indians scold only the women I never heard theri baapki or something.It's only that men alone use this even women I have seen some use the same Maakiii,so yaa u got it right v Indians do not discriminate. But when it comes to shit,tits n fingers none 2 beat the Americans I guess.They r the best users of anything perverse.Pulp Fiction one of the all time best movies holds the distinction of using nax no of Mother F***** in a movie but I dont remember cing a finger there.And one middle finger which has still captured the imagination is this one


Guess whose it is?It is none other than than the Great Mathematician Galelio Galelei.Its been preserved till date in some museum in Italy.Some wierdy Bastard tore off the finger from his body but it's fitting that Galelio is still showing the finger to those who doubted that sun was the centre and earth revolved around it.As Chetan Bhagat puts it the Ultimate Indian male fantasy wud be to crack the skull of his boss but I think it wud be even better if v gave them the finger.Hey dont try it even if ur even remotely inspired by this inspid post.Before u give the finger to me I'll end this.

signing off

ashwin

Saturday, December 03, 2005

USELESS

I've been feeling pretty low in life.I have been writing lost in love poems,was watchin dud cricket matches,tried washin my clothes landed up being unsuccessful in that too.These days my favourite Ad on tv is Tata AIG Life Insurance,not because it is very creative or anything.It is jus that I have got tired of working in jus 4 months in an IT industry.Am already planning to retire.I have been consulting various people on how I should invest my savings of 350 bucks so that I can live peacefully after retiring.Well they all were unanimous in their reply - DADDY is the only solution.Seriously saving is tough n trying 2 save sucks.Well even though I am having a tough time at the office doing really difficult things like gobbling up sandwiches,presing Ctrl+Alt+Del on regular basis,cheking the charge on my mob every second,going to the rest room and shaking my hair n combing it again,calling up mom n asking her wats for dinner n lots a other things.But the thing which puts me apart from the rest is I have so many b'ful chicks earning hot cash by showing off their various skills at my office.There r 2 many 2 even count but alas cannot even speak 2 them.No am not dumb or anything.But the law of inverse proportions plays a significant part here.The law states that the better or the more b'ful category of girls wud always be with the lower or ugly proportion of the opposite sex.Boy many a time has my heart wailed,my ass burnt,all inner coals have been lighted when I c the usual scene happening.

There wud b that pretty beautiful gal standing across the cafeteria n I wud be in a vantage position to catch all her emotions n there out of n where like sunny deols dialogues at unwanted times,well his films itself suck so his dialogues too wud.Yaa out of no where this shame on the term "greek god" wud appear n walk away with her.Well that law has a flaw.Obvious the most handsome guy wud be with the most b'ful gal 'cos its a matter of prestige.But these gals they wud be both of them.Pretty intelligent females these section of b'ful gals are.They get 2 know sides of the coin called Manhood.But alas the ok category like me are ignored n stamped upon with ruthless akin 2 the Australian cricket side.And that 2 a south Indian guy n in that subset a Tamilian n in that subset of subset an iyer n in that dropdown listbox category of iyers - boy with braces n add 2 that a spex.Wow wat a sexy resume to impress a female.Now guys in this category find it the hardest 2 even get 2 smell the scent of a woman.The best possible thing for him 2 do is try a south Indian iyer female.That cud be acheived if:-
1.Highly qualified if not atleast more qualified than the female
2. In a good job n earning well
3. Doing Sandhyavandhanam on a regular basis
4.Should love vadumaanga n thairsaadam
Well the only thing going in my favour is the 4 point vadumaanga is a pickle and thair saadham is curd rice.All these females esp. good looking ones have this amazing memory in terms of mugging things through out their life n end up earning degrees bigger than their names esp. tamil iyer ones.I donno how their memory goes weak wen they act as if they dint recognise an ok looking fellow.And north indian females no chance,forget it.They r the strangest creations on earth.They will be with the rowdys gang only.They have this urge 2 make headlines n the way they can do it is to hang out with these so called dudes,not with thair sadhams.If anyone of these females by chance started to speak ur hindi skills will be put to extreme test 'cos they will not utter a word of english.And at that supreme moment a tamilian in his unimitable tamil accent wud be caught red handed n dutifully be shown the exit.Or even by chance u pass all these AgniParikshas,1 month before Raakhi itself u will be called Bhaiya n u wud revel in the glory of brotherhood.By the way any north indian female thinking of me,I have managed to get a list of things am useless at.Here I go:-
1.Using the comp n especially installing windows n using Microsoft applications.
2.Washing my clothes without tearing and bleaching them
3.Drinking water from a glass without spilling it on myself n guess were the water falls.... egzactly
4.Eating apples without breaking my braces
5.Trying to act like a seasoned IT pro
6.Driving bikes without the engine getting turned off atleast once... I drive Scooty also the same way In gearless case I fall down n make up for the engine loss
7.Athletics r for those who want 2 feel instant death,I was a record holder in Lemon n Spoon
8.Hopeless at Academics the only thing I remember till date is Pythagoras theorem 'cos once wrote 150 times imposition n had 2 repeat it for writing it 5 times wrong during the first imposition.
9.Cracking jokes are my strength.It generally brings a smile on their facs only after I have left the place.
20.Really useless in numbering.
10.The rising sun,the sound of the birds,the dew on the plants,the blossoming flower well I have seen all these a lot of times on Discovery never have I known early morning.
11.Have become more useless these days as I have even stopped watchin Discovery as it is being broadcasted in Hindi.
12.Handling children.I love children but any child who clings on to me invariably pisses n soils my clothes am the human toilet I guess.
13.My paintings r damn good.They wud look somewhere b/w a person puking in midst of a meal n a gorilla shitting
11.Again really useless in numbering things n even more useless at writing list of useless things.

byee n take care.
ashwin

Sunday, November 27, 2005

HIGH HOPES

Sitting high on a hilltop I watched the cattle graze
Suddenly I saw her silhouette,but she vanished without a trace
I rushed downwards on my knees stumbling and falling
To my dismay I saw her with someone else and my heart was left wailing

She always told "You are my best friend"
Little did I realise that with girls this was always the trend
Fool I was to press on the matter
Because she had warned me - Someday your dreams would shatter

I landed up with a job and was really inspired
Little did I know that something had already transpired
I told her "I really love you"
She said do not tell all this as I was not even in the queue

"What the hell do you mean?"I shrieked
It was you and only you that I ever seeked
I put down the phone with a bang
Only to feel something shoot up like a pang

Today I try to find myself and feel all alone
She is far away from me in a world unknown
Someone said life is like a mountain with many slopes
Strange it is that at such a time I am listening to Pink Floyd's High Hopes

Sunday, November 20, 2005

LEFT OR RIGHT

Well well whoever doubted vaguely or completely about my literary skills especially writing,u neednt doubt it anymore.The article which I wrote n sent to my friend for the IIM Indore bloggers competition was put to its place i.e. as expected it dint win a prize and poor friend of myn Anoop was left wondering y did I ask him 2 write?So my dear friends I really pity ur patience 'cos u have 2 bear with me and my style of scribbling.Anyways today morning precisely from 10:30 - 1:00 I underwent a self esteem depriving test called CAT.Whoever thinks ur really intelligent plzz do try this 'cos u will find out the truth very fast.U neednt attend quizzes or by heart the encylopaedia but do write the CAT.After going thru the paper I felt even more worse than being rejected by a girl.1100 bucks for having a look at St marys church.If there was a window of an opportunity it was blown away very quickly by a b'ful lady who by the virtue of pure misfortune got to sit beside me.Now its not everyday that a b'ful gal comes n sits beside Ashwin.And when there was nothing to look in the paper I wisely thought otherwise.Half the time I was gawking at her and saw something very strange.I dont know whether it came actually to her or did she practise it for the sake of CAT.If it was for CAT I sincerely hope that she gets thru.She was marking the OMR sheet with her left hand and was using the eraser with her right hand.It was so continuous n rythmic.It was a very simple thing but I was amazed at the ease with which she was managing to do it.

This got me thinking.I was always amazed at the differences which arise when u do things the left or right.Simply staing it u find so many things which when percieved or done or when ur in the left or the right zone cud mean many things.Simple way to start, in India its always stated as a rule in the book to keep to ur left where as u do the same thing in US n u cud land up with a TICKET against ur name.When someone eats with the left hand v look at him in a disgusted way.Dont ask me U know why?Well if u still dint understand Americans dont have that problem.All this has been brought about due to so many factors but the main thing being superstitions brought about by religions. Centuries ago, the Catholic Church declared left-handed people to be servants of the Devil. For generations, left-handers who attended Catholic schools were forced to become right-handed.And from then on left was considered as woman and right as man.So woman is the devil huh.Crap I guess even though to an extent its definitely true.So many things these days like wearing a watch on the left side or the right side is a fashion statement.Wat's the difference?I guess I wont understand.And one more incident I remember from wat happened in my flats.A girl tied Raakhi on my left hand and I became the clown of the moment when my friends told that Raakhi on the left hand is tied for only their woh woh.And plzz solve this puzzle for me.A guy, if he wears a stud in which ear becomes a gay?Theres some more drama to it like if it is on left side durin nite ur a gay.Now females wear bigger studs or earings on both ears.so FEMALE=MALE+GAY.This is even more rubbish than my logic.

In almost every Indian movie I have a seen a scene of the good for nothing bride entering the house first slamming her right leg in.Well I have even seen it live.Jesus christ himself famously qouted "not let thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth".And how did I forget this?Everyday v c this scene in front of our eyes.The typically shy girl resting her head on the right shoulder of a guy and holding his right hand.The real reason is v guys keep our purse in the right pocket of our pant.Hmm got it now atleast be careful.Atlast I cud decipher something but anything I do generally is towards the useless.Thank god these ppl havent taken this left or right syndrome to obsession levels.Imagine hunks like Salman build only their right hand muscles and right side chest.That wud be quite a sight.The Roman word for "left" is "sinister", and the phrase meaning "masturbation" is translated to "left-handed whore".Now when did a guy turn into a whore?So do not trust any left handed males.He might after all turn out to be a whore.Now again there's the left brain and the right brain syndrome which is the only thing true 'cos it has been proven and accepted.Wat about Da Vinci then?He cud paint with his right hand and write something at the same time with his left hand.I guess all equations vanish if u consider him as an example.But ppl have found a clever way of tackling this also-Exceptions are not examples.Ironic it is that a left handed guy lambasted even in this blog is sending shivers down my spine by almost promising to comeback.Enuf of left n right I guess.When viewed separately ur brain imagines so many things with them or even worse contorts them into a series of unfathomable expressions.But watch it in sync like the girl who did it sitting beside me u'll know it's value and it's effect.Or even better the March Past which the Army is so proud of is a smooth sequence of these two things.View them together u'll know it's beauty or else u will have 2 read blogs such as these.I guess u wud be wiser for the thought.But one thing which is still beautiful even when it is single is a child sucking his left thumb.I have never seen a child suck his right thumb so far.Now y is that?
ashwin

Sunday, November 13, 2005

GARAM MASALA

Weekend weekend wow I really craved for this and yo I got it and guess wat I made use of quality time available to me.No I did not come back to office to finish something nor did I prepare Gung ho for CAT.It was becoming quite a fashion for all leading personalities even for idiots like Tamil actor Prashant to tell that "I am presently gobbling up the The Da Vinci Code,It's an amazing book".Well I never knew from where and when these guys all of a sudden started to behave like critics of Vikram Seth.Gosh it was hurting me and irritating me to find all these fools who act in movies which confirms my stand that they are indeed fools.It was irritating me because being an okay sort of a reader I cud not get hold of the da Vinci code for nearly one and a half years.But that bad streak was put to an end,when I not finding anything worthwhile to accompany me to the loo hurried off to Crossword joint at Shoppers Stop.Hurried because I was a man in a real hurry.I managed to come back with the book faster than wat Ganguly does at the wicket and resigned myself to the smell of Odonil and The Da Vinci Code.I was dumbstruck to say the least after reading 280 pages of the book.I just cud not get my hands off the book.I know wat u perverted minds are thinking right now.Did that asshole come out of the loo or not?

I did come out after 20 pages and its not my graveyard anyway.But really such compelling reading I guess this is the second best book in my rankings after Catch 22 even though I have not finished it.The fact that amazed me more was I read the remaining braindead novels of his Digital fortress,Angels and demons and one more sick one,I do not remember that name.When I read each of those books I thought wat sort of shit does this guy write when he is acclaimed to be a great writer.Ya I got that other novel of his Deception Point.I can say with a hint of arrogance that the last novel that I mentioned was even more worse than my blog.I just cud not believe what I was reading when the Da Vinci code was in my hand.I cud not understand so many things and had to take the help of the net a couple a times.That was the only time I guess I left my prized posession.Seriously anyone reverred in the field of symbols or iconography plzzz do enlighten me.But the weekend just did not pass by only with Da Vinci and his inner world.There is the match b/w India and South Africa coming up and I was trying desparately to get tickets.Again luk has not been on my side lately and I have not been able to push the matter further.Along with the iconographers someone having couple a tickets plzz do help me.I almost forgot to mention I did watch Garam Masala as the title suggests.I initially was unwilling to go to the movie because of 4 reasons:-
1.The director was Priyadarshan who according to me falls in third in list of worst personalities ever, the first two being Charu Sharma and Anu Malik in random order.U decide who shud be placed first and second.After Anumalik he is the biggest Copycat I have ever seen.His formula is simple copy hit Tamil comedy movies and thats what he did with Herapheri and Hungama.Everytime he has tried something original like Lesa Lesa in tamil or Kyun Ki in Hindi he has shown his true Aukaadh
2.It was rated as excellent by my brother who has given the excellent rating to movies such as Mujse Shaadi Karogi,Jis Desh Mein Ganga Behta Hain and innumerous other movies.He is good at rating tamil MEGA serials also.Want to know more about him?
3.The movie was being screened at IMAX.Now Imax is a place that has the feeling hip attached only to the name.Once u step inside it u will find the entire jobless section and the marvadi housewives and all the lovesick pairs inside.Its quite a sight to behold.I have always had a feeling Dawood is hiding somewere there.
4.There was Akshay Kumar in it whose sincere attempts at acting turns out into a comedy like his Khiladi series and not to mention the braindead dumbo John Abraham whose acting skills are as good Parthiv Patel's Catching skills behind the stumps.

Surprised was I when I saw the movie.It looked like PriyaDarshan's original effort 'cos there was some sick comedy too.But on the whole it was pretty ok.Just leave ur brains out when u enter the hall and it is 3 hrs of timepass.Akshay Kumar was surprisingly ok but John like Geoffrey Boyott says was getting no were.Again Priyadarshan proved he still is the worst around by offering limited scope to one of the best comedy actors around Paresh Rawal.And the songs were also surprisingly ok in the sense u dint have 2 go to the restroom each time a song came on but they were repetitive as like any hindi song.Anyways its a bit of fun and some timepass.For a weekend its pretty gud timepass.
signing off
ashwin

Thursday, November 10, 2005

READ THIS

I got a strange request from a friend of myn doing his M.B.A at IIFT Delhi.He was participating in the IIM Indore Bloggers competition which is open for all the B-Schools I guess essentially.The topic was "ARE BLOGS AN ALTERNATIVE FOR CONVENTIONAL MEDIA?".Ya the thing was he wanted me 2 write something on this topic and send it to him.I call this strange because having known him from my childhood I knew that his literary skills were pretty good.So I was thinking poor guy my friend he is willingly gonna loose his shot at glory.But anyways the crazy blogger that I am I wrote an article for him and he has sent it to the competition.The best thing about the competition is there is no screening.All entries are scanned and only the winner and the runner are announced.So I guess me n my friend are saved of maanabhangam.Anyways its nothing wrong to hope as long as u hope for the best.Have a look at what I wrote and put in ur comments as u have always done.Here it goes:

Weblogs or blogs as they are shortly called or affectionately called or lazily called are slowly but silently gaining importance as far as freedom of thought is concerned.There was always the case of "He is talented Machan but no one knows anything about his talent".It's obvious that you cannot sit atop a rickshaw and with a loudspeaker to ur mouth keep barking"I am talented" nor can your friend do that for you.I have personally seen many people whose scribblings were as silken as Ganguly's drives,but the sad part was hardly anyone knew that the person with so and so name could write.If anyone who was talented enough to screw words in the appropriate way wanted to show his or her expertise always had to go through a channel - The Media.In such cases there was a huge chance that you could go unnoticed or your work not reaching everyone.But all that was set right when weblogs came into existance.Imagine even a Whacko like me getting a chance to express myself.Now all of a sudden due to Blog Rennaisance you find a large no of Whackos but mind you mostly creative ones.The thing is what you wanted to say in your own style has been delivered.It is there for everyone to see and it is upto people to decide what they think of your scribblings.

In this sense the topic whether Blogs are an alternative to conventional media assumes higher importance.All of a sudden there is an excitement.This is due to the fact that to discuss such a topic am not speaking but writing ,to put it even better terms I am blogging.Blogs are getting more and more important in the sense that it is the first big step towards unleashing your creativity.When you are writing something for a newspaper or a magazine or for some news channel there's always the fear of filteration.Words could be told in a different way or published in some other way for any no of reasons and in the end you would be left wondering like Ganguly "What went wrong?".Now a days for every website you seem to have a place for blogs.Now why is that when already information is available?You have articles by people like Peter Roebuck,Nirmal Shekar and Mike Marquesse on sports and a variety of things and all these are available in the print media .But even then on the net you would find blogs on all such stuff which are available freely and are read by a large contingent of people and which are really good.The thing is for a blog creativity is the limit.Only that particular person is responsible for all he has written.Neither are u answerable to anyone nor can anyone question you.Precisely that is the place were telling that blogs can revolutionise or replace conventional media ends.There is so much that every person would want to tell.We love newspapers for the nice fact that they are precise and give necessary details because that is what is permitted to write.But imagine a situation where you want some international news, all the recent one's and all the tidbits.IF blogs were the only source at that time just imagine the chaos that would happen each person writing filthy articles like this one and havin a go at Ganguly almost once in every para and where is the news.Or imagine India wins a match and no media available only blogs.Wat do we do?How do we know what's Rahul thinking?Yaa very simple ask him to write a blog after every match that would be real cool.Imagine if Ganguly had blogged his tiff with Chappell instead of tellin it out.How would anyone ask him what actually happened?Write another blog I guess.Yaa but it would have been helpful in cases like Vivek Oberoi's tantrums.He would have tried to blog the entire episode and in sheer frustration building in due to the slow realisation of his poor English would have saved everyone's time.It happens once in a while.There would be no more speeches by Bush to the public- Thank god for that.He would blog his entire speech out and no would even give it a half read.In no sense can a blog replace conventional media.There cannot be even half thoughts of anything as catastrophic as that happening.It would be like Ganguly coming back to the team and scoring runs all over again.It is as simple as that.Media symbolises the freedom to push,to peep,to show the truth and everything one can name.With power comes respnsibility,once that is understood it is safe to reconcile to the fact that blogs cannot replace conventional media.Its a tough thing for all the bloggers to accept but that's what it is.But do remember the first step towards unleashing creativity is always the blog.For a blogger it will always remain his first love.

signing off
ashwin

Sunday, November 06, 2005

GOVINDA GOVINDA

Hii people back after a long layoff.It was real fun till last friday when I had to pack my bag and go 2 tirupathi.Everything was perfect.Flight takin off at right time,landing without any fuss,picturesque environment greeting us when we landed.I cudnt have asked for anything more.Little did I realise the horrors of visiting the costliest God on the planet.Found out that VIP passes were as good as Ganguly's comments on Chappell and it would be of no use.So unceremoniously we were packed off from Tirumala back 2 Tirupathi.Took tickets went back,stood in q for 4 hrs,sacrificed food water and dint even urinate only to be out of the SANCTUM SANCTORUM as fast as Ganguly's stay at the wicket.Also found out a way to take frustration out of your system.Just go and get a job as security gaurd at that place.U can do anything to the pilgrims.Pull them, push them,shove them and repeat these steps again in increasing order of frustration.Do all the above things harder if ur more frustrated.So it keeps going on and on.U shud thank ur stars if u get out of that place in one piece.Since this was the first and this wud be the last time also.So anyone planning for Tirupathi do not think ur VIP's u will be put in ur place very fast.Take a bottle of scent with u very very necessary.Mentally prepare urself for getting mauled physically and guys if ur shy do not go 'cos there wud be lots a oomphs n aahs and girls if ur the typical Indian nari who wud take her slipper out even if a male fingernail falls on her then it's not the place to be.U can peacefully bide ur time at the loo.

Well u can consider all this as a joke or some pain in the neck writing.But seriously u must be there to know how they treat people within the temple premises.I saw some physically handicapped people too being handled the same way.Just cant imagine the plight of all thosee poor people standing in the DHARMA DARSHAN Q waitin for days together only to be swatted out like a irritant musquito.Agreed there's a huge crowd but I guess it cud've been handled in a better way.I guess am bitching about this 'cos if the VIP pass had been accepted I wudnt have spoken about all this.It was a rude wake up call which I certainly dint enjoy.I guess I will settle for Birla Mandir from now.There seems to be no difference at all and when u can relax and have a breathtaking view from there why rush 2 Tirupathi.There were many other things which were disturbing.Everywere in the town I found hoardings of MEGASTAR Chiranjeevi as they call him here.I dont have anything against hoardings of cine actors but the thing he was certifying THUMS UP.Who the hell is he to certify that a drink is good when it has been proved by reputed govt. bodies that it is as good as Harpic.Just imagine the effects it will have on innocent people who believe in their heroes blindly.And if MEGASTAR was doing this at state level another guy has taken this up a notch further.Aamir khan is stamping his authority on Coke.These guys are so sick.They wud tell anything for money I guess.God knows wat else is in stock.Mebbe u wud've Hrithik campaigning for Ganguly and sayin "OLD IS GOLD".Ads have always been a powerful weapon as far as capturing a persons imagination is concerned.Our govt seems to be the funniest they ban all sorts of things, but when something comes up against wat they themselves have clarified there is no action taken.For international brands u have guys like these and now one may see people like Sunny Deol certifying brands like gutkha.In that sense I think hats off 2 KamalHaasan for never being sucked into ads.Same even 2 Rajni.I guess all these people must be sent to Tirupathi without VIP passes.Everything wud be rectified.So from now I guess if my brother troubles my mom she wud scare the hell out a him by tellin "GOVINDA GOVINDA".Thinkin about Govinda I wish he certifies any of these controversial brands.Am speakin about Coolie no 1 Govinda.The brand wud never sell 'cos ppl wud definitely know its a sick joke.
P.S:-I still remain the samson even though many swords were out to cut my hair and I forgot today is Kamal's birthday so happy b'day Mr.KamaHaasan
cheers,
ashwin

Saturday, October 29, 2005

GOD IS BACK


Cricket is my Religion and Sachin is my God.Well u wud've seen all such banners when u go to watch a cricket match involving India.It's the same with me also and my God is back and he is back in spanking fashion.If anything was more eagerly awaited than Diwali it was Sachin's comeback.The way he has done it calls for some extra crackers n add to the pollution.But seriously it atleast calls for a Vodka.Wat 2 say about a man who has made ppl cry, laugh and when the ball misses the bat on those rare occasions it does the entire country is on the edge.He makes people like me to pray.Yes ladies and gentlemen Sachin is back n he is back with a bang.And as they say Ganguly's absence seems to be the icing on the cake.More than Sachin coming back or Rahul taking over I think it is ganguly's absence which seems to be the real fillip for this team.I hope it stays this way unlike those days where a Ganguly fart wud also make headlines.Each time a wicket fell the opposition bowlers wud be licking their lips in anticipation on wat is to come.I think Ganguly of late has contributed to other teams rather than his.It's not like the SMS jokes in which he leaves in a hurry.He jumps,cries,wails,shouts and happily consumes atleast 45 balls for those 20 runs of his.Agreed that he played a pivotal role in getting India back on track but it has come a whole cycle n it's time to step the rot.I think Atapatu might be cursing Rahul silently for not picking Saurav as he cud find himself in Ganguly's position if the current series is any indicator.

On the personal side it has been very disappointing as I have 9 days of leave and am not able to go 2 Chennai to meet my friends.Rain has really wreaked havoc in these parts.I think Hyd has taken the cue from Chennai and all trains are being cancelled or their travel time is long enuf to celebrate ur honeymoon.I think any newly married chicks take my advice and go for a trip to anywhere but it shud be thru Andhra.The cheapest way to celebrate honeymoon.Well take on look at this

Just have a look at the way the street has been completely inundated.That wud be a cool place to set up dinner.I dont know why it's always like this in India.Either it rains so heavy that u have to pee every hour or it doesnt rain at all n under the heat ur made to sweat.I guess this is the reason for goitre in the country.Excessive loss of salt-loss of Iodine.A poet gets disturbed by his surroundings.The same has happened with me.But even in b/w all this I can manage a small smile n sense of triumph.Thank you for the entertainment-Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar.
signing off
Ashwin

Monday, October 24, 2005

one night @ the call center

Well u guessed it pretty right.I was waiting for this book and I had read somewere on the net that it wud be releasin on oct 25 ,so naturally I was surprised when I got a call from my friend saying that he has purchased it.There was such an urge in me,I dont think I'll have this sort of a drive even before my first night.But screw that guy who has building bridges,filling cement and screwing my mouth.Ya I was at the dentist and had to contain myself.Once the ordeal had finished I just Vroomed on my activa straight into Odyssey n got hold of my catch like a bounty hunter.

Just tell me how would u feel when ur dressed up like a king for the party of ur life and ur stuck in traffic due to rains and get drenched all over or better when ur peacefully reading The Hindu in the loo ur dad knocks bang on the door and ur peace is ruined.Sadly that's how I felt when I finished reading the book.I would thank my dad if he screamed at me for reading this at the loo.It starts of in brilliant fashion in the typical chetan bhagat way.Lots of crisp comments n crystal clear way of putting things and giving a definite dose of trying to peep into a woman's mind.All these were the characteristics of his previous book.They definitely are there here.The first 225 pages exactly to say present the reader a wonderful exhibtion of creative writing.But from then on no one exactly knows wat's happening around neither did he I suppose.People do have their beliefs but the climax was turned into something which Ramanand Sagar would have been proud of.I think Ekta Kapoor is already itching to make a movie n screw every Indian.Gosh a movie wud be better instead of a soap.It is a story about 6 people working in a call centre their struggle,their ambition,their helplessness everything brilliantly told .I just wish those 40 pages werent there.Making a movie were everything is shown in frames n were one scene co-relates to another like Pulp Fiction and any of Mani Rathnam's movies is in itself a great art of telling a story.And imagine to write in suuch a fashion.It's almost unbelievable.It seems to come so naturally to him.He has got such control over his craft.Anyways I dont want to tell anything more n spoil ur mood.U ppl must be already cursing me n some might have already thought of crucifying me but it's definitely worth a read the first 224 pages.Well after that it's upto u.Anyways do read n temme how it is.And dont forget my blogs in between all this.
signing off
ashwin

Saturday, October 22, 2005

FAMILY O MELODRAMA!

Today was a real nice day .No office,but like a fool woke up early to realise it was a saturday n returned to my slumber n happily woke up at 10.My dad asked me 2 do a strange thing today.I was asked to attend the parent teacher meeting at my bro's school.I always wanted to have a look at his school-Little Flower Junior College n yaa I was damn happy to speak the typical elder brother style.He was throwin such looks at me for screwing him there.I still remember these happenings wen I was at school.Ok Ok I wont get bak 2 school.But I definitely have to speak about my family tree.I was thinkin about something to write,then it struck me y dont I continue the nomenclature part of my story.

Anyone who doesnt know my roots just scroll down n u'll find one blog on Initial.Yaa my dad's birth place was Thiruvaiyaru.A quite village with no roads n limited electricity near Tanjore.Well it has a changed a bit u have roads,by roads I mean Roads between pitholes.So anyone wanting to test their driving skills r welcome.But yaa as the climate started to get hot here my mom wud punish us by taking us every summer to Chennai.Chennai is a place were u sweat more than u pee.My mom's famiy was a moderate one with she being the eldest n 3 bro's n a sis to follow.I still remember making my uncle mad every time to take me 2 exhibition,rajnikanth movie and ofcourse beach.Thinking about all that god I cannot imagine the things I have done eating everyone's brain out.Man children r very cute n I love playing with them but 2 think if in future I add to this small population by some numbers n they all turned out 2 be more worse than me.whoa.Tha's 2 much 2 think of.I loved going out on walks with my grandpa.He got me Matka Kulfi always.He was the only person who cud tolerate me even though I named him appu-It was the elephant which was the symbol of Asian game which took place at New Delhi in 1987 I think.Come every summer my mom dragged me along with her and v used to cover the length and breadth of Tamilnadu.

My dad's family was a big one.They were a total of 7.I shud say 5 now.Couple of them have ceased to exist.But yaa they were n are a typical brahmin household u can find.Every year I used to go 2 my village my uncle wud b thrilled to c me.It was a typical village u cud find ppl shitting on the roads n if u knew them they wud coolly even say a hi to u.Most of the morning was spent in sitting before puja n praying n stuff.There never was a shortage of sound at that place.All my cousins wud b there n I as usual was the only person playin spoilsport always.Every year at that place u had a festival called SAPTHASTHANAM .For around 10 days the place wud be very colourful with ppl pulling big chariots all around the village.I loved the elephant rides there.But whoever wants to try that be careful wear pants not shorts 'cos the elephant's hair wud poke u right into ur crotch.Many a time have I been a victim of the elephant crotch syndrome.OOH I shudnt be sayin all this god knows wat the girls r thinking about me now.The best thing was the foos there.U name the variety u wud find it.And another thing was all my uncles names ended with an "AN".Even my dad's.Now this has nothing to do with ANNIYAN.I always loved munching the Black halwa which was sold for 25p n the THEN MITAAY meaning honey chocolate.And anoher thing common there was Paneer Soda.Not many at Hyd know of the existance of such a drink.No its definitely not better than Vodka but its a worth a gulp at the cost of a BACKFIRE.And I forgot to mention it, I used to look so handsome those days no braces around,wearing shorts smaller than the one's Saif wears n hair like Fido Dido.Anyways that was a bit about my native place n a bit about my family.Drop in ur comments as u always have.
signing off
ashwin
P.S.:I got my passport and u know wats my name there ASHIWIN SUNDAR THIRUVAIYARU.Now will anyone tell me wat shud I do to correct this.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

GOLU


Well this was the blog I had been waiting to put up for quite some time.Eagerness to blog is directly proportional to joblessness.But I dint blog for a week or so in the middle that doesnt mean all my sweat and blood had dried up but as I had mentioned before it was due to BSNL'S outstanding dial up connection that I cudnt put up this blog.Hurrah broadband has atlast arrived at home.But even then it's just like the Indian cricket team ,whoever be the captain we would be proud losers.It took me 30 min to upload this 2Mb foto.But I hope this is a new start as far as my net connection is concerned.

All of u can c the foto I guess unless ur naturally blind like me.Anyways that is wat the tamilians call golu.Every year during the festival of Navaratri it is a tradition for many tamilians esp. Brahmins to put up everything they have ,mainly dolls in a series of steps.As the tradition goes it shud be only in odd numbers starting from 3.It goes upto 15.Again the no of steps put is directly proportional to the joblessness of the women in the Brahmin household.U must have got a faint idea as to wat my mom must be doin now.This year it was pretty small only 5 steps.Generally she is around the inverted nose mark-Seven.But as u can c my mom is a real businesswoman.The first thing u'll notice wen u c the foto is Tupperware.In this way she has managed to pump up her sales during these 10 days in the pretext of calling all women for golu.But anyways she does her creativity take all forms during these 10 days.U can c that chariot on the extreme left corner yup that was her creation.And on the floor she has created a park n sows some seeds also in them n they on constant watering blossom into some plant not yet known to biologists.It grows only at Flat no.403.But it tastes pretty ok.My mom remains busy most of the time,so wenever I am hungry I jus go n graze around there.

The best thing about Navaratri is supposed to be Dandiya.Being a Tamilian I have the pleasure of seeing many b'ful aunties n their more b'ful daughters fill my home with their presence.And I make sure that I am there at home gawking at them.Hmmm coming to Dandiya.The first time I managed to shrug off my social inhibitions n hit the dance floor was wen I was in 9th.I had gone to some Gujarati samaj for Dandiya n wow at that age were every female looks b'ful ,it was Ashwin In Wonderland.Lots of Gujarati Pottis doing the hip n the hop.And so immediately I jumped into the cordon and started to use the sticks as if they were lathis in a policeman's hand.And ya at some time I was bound to make contact ,no not with the sticks but on some female.I swung them with all my might only to find them go n strike a woman in her mid 40's straight on her forehead.She gave me a look which matched that of a person who hasnt done her motions for atleast 10 days.And as it happens wen a woman is hurt the manliness in every man comes to the fore.I was asked 2 leave unceremoniously by a man who resembled a sewage cleaner.Alas that was it I had to back out n after that the next chance I got to make amends was at Aurangabad again but this time my dad n mom were around so I behave d like a good boy and made the exit.

I was jus praying for one for more chance jus like the way Saurav is doin now for a place in the team n yo after 5 years it fell staright into my lap.There was this Dandiya dhamaal at my office.After hours of hard work one needed this.N I was shocked wen I saw that the entire corporate strength were trying to squeeze themselves onto a small ground.As fast as relief items disappearing during an earthquake,the sticks for dancing were gone.And as usual pride wounded I was watching silently as many ppl were forging relations n having a ball.Alas I thought it wud be a DIL HI DIL MEIN or better said Kadhalar Dhinam in Tamil were me the hero dancing like the wind wud find a heroine, if not Sonali atleast a Munniamma.But am not jealous of that guy kunal.Guys like him can find gals like Sonali only on the net.But as the event proceeded it seemed like a buffalo bathing exercise rather than dandiya n the DJ was doin one f***** up job of playin balle balle mundiya soniya stuff.But I had to prove to the world even I was a Homosapien made of blood a.k.a Nirmal Shekar.So I let my social side dominate n there I was dancing like Shammi Kapoor, my bellowy hair cutting thru everyone.Due to subdued body movements and an increasing waistline I was damn tired n wat did I achieve doin all this in the end?I puked everything 'cos I jumped so much and wasted 72 bucks on an auto to take me home.Well someone plzz teach me Dandiyaa.
signing off
ashwin

Thursday, October 13, 2005

ISKOOL

Well I donno the exact term for wat I am gonna say.No it isnt Writer's Bloc.The thing is I have a topic n I have the necessary resources also for putting up another stupid blog.But the lesser I speak about BSNL dial up connection the better I think it wud be.So after desparately putting lots of man hours over the last week on sendin a mail via BSNl I have given up n given up the topic too.The only thing which would be resolved in a flash was LOGOUT.I donno how did that happen.So after cursing my system,BSNl connection n my stupidness at not even having winzip and proudly working on a system which boasts of having windows98 I took my mind off n went to attend a dance program.U guessed it right, yes I put up another splendid show of Ignorance.It was a dance program performed by my friends sister.N yo like an expert I announced in a calm way-she dances Bharatnatyam very well.My friend gave me one of his SHUT UR MOUTH looks n told me that it was Kuchipudi.Well wat the hell,I dint find a difference nor can I, it's like asking a Musquito to bite correctly on ur ass.None the less I got bored as I usually do n got into a conversation with one of my junior who studied at my school.

Hmmm my journey towards attaining wisdom started at the age of 3 when I was put into a school called Cluny.I remember as a kid, finger in my mouth catching hold of my mom's pallu I went crying to school.But whoa I stopped crying immediately when a girl called Rosy came n sat next 2 me n started to speak 2 me.That was the only time I think in my life had a girl volunteered to sit beside me leave alone talking.After that it was like a seesaw, the moment I went and sat beside a female yo she wud pop out.Guess it was my sweat.Even now I think it is.And after that I entered into a reallly reputed school which boasted of having 2 branches.I was in the branch which cud support only till 5th std.But I fell so much in love with that school that I tried my level best to flunk in my 5th grade.But fate had it's say and I was promoted.The thing I hated 2 go to the other school was it ,was lying in some jungle and access to that jungle was only by school bus which wud arrive sharply at 7:00 in the morning to disturb my wet dreams.Yaa I had realised by then that other than trees n buildings there was soemthing called girls to look at.Although telling it in public in school was considered a sin.The moment I got down from the bus I cud hear a bee buzzing in my ear.No it was my HM who had slapped me for pushing another guy while getting down. I was thrilled at seeing a huge campus where I cud run around without the fear of my shorts fallin down or being pulled by someone else.In 1 month itself I was made class monitor.Class monitor is a psycho who derives pleasure seeing his fellow mates beaten up for no good reason.Talkin loudly,eatin during class,talkin2 girls-How dare he do that wen I myself didnt.Anything u cud find like eating with others spoon,giving wrong answers wen teacher asks something,the class monitor has to make a note down n the more he collects the more pleasure.In between all this the biggest sin of them all was giving shakehand 2 a girl.It wud bring down a fatwa.All the class boys were united on this front n the person involved in such activities were shunned from the boys community.Obvious the girls also wudnt accept him so poor guy was left somewere in the middle.

Another thing about school was each one tryin to impress the teacher in the hope that u wud be awarded more marks n someday wud land up as some house captain.But all that dreams were shattered wen my teachers drove home the point that I wasnt born for studying n getting marks.N the parent teacher meeting wud ignite the psychic intent of every teacher.I cud see the burning desire in every teacher of myn.They were vociferous in their attacks against me n my dad wud coolly nod his head n take me home.We wud laugh over their musings.The name of my school was D.A.V. Public ISKOOL that was the way the cleaners wud pronounce it.V had a peculiar way of speakin at skool "Arre chimping,Oh shining" all this was used wen someone wore a new dress or got a new scale anything new even a new GF.And the biggest bad words at skool were ur bummm,ur penn.The stress is on m and n.V loved playin KhoKho at skool.Y we loved it was most of the times girls n boys used to play it together n v wud kick the girls as hard as v cud n shout "Kho".That was the only occasion were u cud a touch a girl without thinking n blinking twice.The worst time to be at shool was during Raakhi.Girls all of a sudden would surround u like bees n in the most pleasin manner tie it n go away.There were 4 groups in my skool.No I wont tell their names u'll curse me even more .As usual I tried hard but always won only the participating certificate.But as we started to grow there were lessons in biology which started to interest us.Girls wud ask for combined study on such topics 'cos they dint understand anything.And the social reformers that v were v taught them everythig v knew.Everyone was happy n enlightened n the wisdom of Ashwin T Sundar was spreadin like wild fire.The most poplular thing at that time was @jokes.N yo I had a repository of them thanks to my sardar flatmate.Everyone blossomed from buds to flowers during the excursion which marked a turning moment in many a career.V were face to face with the teachers n all the boys n girls together created a cozy atmosphere n yo @jokes flyin all over.V sure flunked our exams due to the enthu generated by them.But all in all it was a memorable experience.My skool was my first love.There is a felling of nostalagia running thru u wen u think about ur skool.Desparately dying to have another go at skool life.Signin off.
ashwin

Thursday, October 06, 2005

WOW HYDERABAD

After staying for 4 years at a hostel,I did not know whether I missed my home or Hyderabad more.But as Joseph Keller pointed out there's a catch in everything.I definitely missed home but I had mixed feelings about the city where I was brought up into a fine individual coupled with power of writing blogs which wud test the limit of stupidity.Ya everything about this place fascinates me be it the cobbler at charminar or the S/W nerd at Hitec city.Alas this isnt Aamchi Mumbai where I cud've given a Ramgopal Varma start "Yeh sheher kabhi sotha hi nahin".Well I cant say something like that but any blog without a description of this fascinating place wud be incomplete.So let me move on.

Hyderabad was the gift of the Nizams.No it wasnt that they donated it as such to India.They built it to suit their own wishes n voila Hyderabad was born.The capital of the state of Andhra Pradesh, Hyderabad is the fifth largest city in India with an ancient civilisation and culture.Ok I'll cut the crap everywhere u find this rich in culture,every city has it's own civilisation blah blah.The rate at which it's growin it mite overtake other cities in terms of size due to the ever increasing inflow of s/w nerds.U have more S/W cos here than hospitals that's the reason U c all hospitals crowded here. N it is divided by 1 big really big swimming pool n the other side is called secunderabad it's twin.I really donno the concept of twins neither the geographic one nor the biological one.The only thing similar wud be people spitting paan n lots of traffic n Chai dukaans.Well u can find out a Hyderabadi even from a milling crowd.Here is wat u need to look at:
1.Paan in mouth n spitting it all around him sometimes even on him
2.Cleaning his mouth with Irani chai
3.Whenever he opens his mouth u wud find a "NAKO" comin out
Irani chai is a must for any true Hyderabadi.At no two places does the tea taste the same. And at no one place does the tea taste different. Well wat the hell no one here knows how Irani chai actually tastes like to tell the truth.Each one says his is the original,another sign u can use to trace a Hyderabadi.Well do tell me if u find the real one.N I forgot 2 mention that swimming pool is called Hussain Sagar.It's basically a collection of all the sewage in the city.U can find Buffaloes havin a cool bath n every Dhobi's life depends on this lake.It has got also lots of mud,clay,paint courtesy the Ganesh Immersion.N I forgot a bit of water.N the coolest thing about the people here is every attraction is on this lake.Even Lord Buddha hasnt been spared.U have boating ,surfing,parasailing all on this wonderfully clean place smelling better than a collection of Public toilets.Heard there's a theme park gonna come up on it's shore.I cant wait to bath in it's waters.The latest attraction has been the IMAX opposite to the lake.It started of with fanfare but now has became a huge public toilet with scores of ppl comin in for the AC.N ya u have necklace road beside the lake runnin around 8km n yaa wonderful place in the evening lots a musquitoes,nice smell around,lots a girls n u have hotels there which give u a gr8 view of all the sewage around.

One more thing u cant miss here are the Bus Drivers.5 yrs they were criticised for stoppin the bus even when someone scratched their hair on the road now it seems it's their turn .They do everything to kill u.U neednt climb a roller coaster to find out wat I am tellin.Jus climb the buses here at peak hours u'll have a whale of a time.N the Autowallas r pretty ok here except that they r mostly drunk n u can hear "Maikyo***" often from thier mouth.N the good thing is they use their Meters but recently Chennai's influence has been rubbing off on tehse guys as well.Well well how cud I ever forget this.Telugu Movies.If ever u wanted to c all the colour combinations jus have a look at the heroes here.Pink shirt n a purple pant or better Yellow shirt n red pants.Wow that shud be some captivating watching.Everything is a hit here.All u need to do is associate urself with some actor in someway.Even posing as a illegal child wud do the trick.Next step get Trisha to act in the movie definitely with clothes,songs u neednt worry anything wud do any sharma,prasad anyone wud be enuf no Mozart needed to please ppl here.Lots of gaalis n fights n yo u end up with a perfect recipe.I'll give u an eg.The movie name is Balu abcdef.Can any rational humanbeing guess wat the hell that is?A Boy Can Do Everything For Girl.Now u get the picture I guess.N the best thing is all the heroines wud be from the north even Iran that far.As far as physique is concerned no body n all required more flab wud help.

N u have the Birla Mandir a beautiful piece of architecture.Lots of marble stones cool n shiny n provides a Gr8 view from the top in case u willing to.Lots of nice gods present to pray.More the no of Gods more does one's wishes grow.All in all it's a nice wishing place.N u have the majestic Golconda Fort.It's really huge huger even then Andrew Flintoff.U need to be at top physical condition if ur plannin to visit the fort.Heard that's the reason y Laxman doesnt come here.Well u have around 700 god knows how many steps to climb.Kids wud really love it there for the history out there.The best thing about that king was he had uncountable no of wives.N so u can imagine how many children.No wonder India's population started to grow dramatically in the 17th century.It's highest point at Hyderabad U can c literally everything from the top.If ur as blind as me or u've got a power of something of the order of -5 then it's a critical waste of time.Then u have the film city.Once u have a look at that u'll know the power of money.I think it's as big as the moon lots of attractions enuf to kill a lazy guy.The only problem is Indian film makers do not like anything that's good n innovative so this has been used more for tourist rather than for shooting purposes.

Then u have the Musi river n the only good thing about it is,it isnt smelly like Chennai's Cuvam.A river it's called but u wud hardly find water in it.Then there's wat people call still the real Hyderabad-Charminar.It's a beautiful monument with 4 towers lookin on all directions n once u get into it it's no more b'ful only pigeoon shit can u smell.It has the famous Mecca masjid behind it.Mostly populated by the Muslim community it has sadly caught the eye for riots,spoiling the region's very own charm.But tourists neednt worry it doesnt take place often mebbe once in 6 months.Name the thing n u wud find it there.Antyhting from Peshawari Suits to the famous Hyderabadi Pearls u can lay ur hands on it.U have the Madina Haleem which is available in the month of Ramzan.Unfortunately being the vegetarian I havent been able to taste the essence of Hyderabad - The Hyderabadi Biriyani.It has become so famous that it has been sold everywhere on the same name.N then u have the railway stations which r famous for the Eunuchs n the Imbliban Bus stand known more for pinchin asses syndrome - pick pocket.N then u have all these s/w cos huge ones all of them in a single area.U can find me there.There's no beach here so they r plannin to get one half of marina into hyderabad.Land has been already allocated n they say the plan is to throw stones into marina so that they can divert it one day here.Real ambitious one.Mebbe I cud never eat the Biriyani here but u must taste Gokul chat here if ur a real hogger.Ppl dont mind u eating as long as u dont fart on their faces.So crazy are ppl here for the food here n u have the kolhapuri's here which wud lend a royal image to ur legs.It is the land of the Azharuddins,Laxmans,Sanias,Gopichands n so many more not gettin any more yaa it's comin urs truly.Well wat ever be the changes around this place one thing definitely hasnt changed Hyderabad Rocks.
P.S:I may have missed out many things that's 'cos this blog was already gettin huge.Plzz do comment as u always have.
ashwin

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

A FOOL

Seeing her walk across the road
I saw those eyes glance furtively at me
Surprised was I by the intensity of her look
That I thought her face would be descriptive enough to fill in a book

Days passed by and I always caught that glance
Furtive and strange,her demeanour always threw me in a trance
I was dying to see that face behind that veil
Marching forward I asked her what is in there that u arent willing to reveal?

Acting as busy as a bee she ignored me and left the place
To my horror she called 2 policemen & saw her finger point at my face
They looked like bears and I dint even know how to climb a tree
Oh no wat was happening,I was almost about to pee

Then I could feel a hard hand touch me & shake me up
I woke up with a start only to c my dad stooping over his customary tea cup
Bursting out into a laugh I wiped off my drool
And then realised a fool always remains a fool

Sunday, October 02, 2005

ECLIPSED

"12:30 ki Apparama Onnum Saapidadhe,Purinjidha".Those were the exact words my mom uttered when I left home for office.It means Do Not Eat Anythin After 12:30.Well wat do I tell,today seems to be a lunar eclipse or something n my mom is pretty strict about such things.She has been saying these words since yesterday.I remember the first blog I had written here.It was about college life esp. hostel life n stuff.The reason I started to write was out of sheer frustration.I needed an emotional outlet.I wanted a place where I cud say what I felt n put things in my perspective n the best thing was I was not saying all this 2 myself.I felt I was discussing it with people around.It was not a diary entry that I was making.The frustration in me seemed to have orchestrated to such levels that I started to write pretty frequently.

A frustrated soul can think in so many ways I've found that.There is that anger which stems from within which only U can feel.It has become a sort of a phenomenon I guess with me.Everything I saw ,I felt,I heard all of them seemed to increase the frustration.The nature of politics,the Indian team not doing well,rains,droughts,death,communal riots,shops opening late closing early,the barber cutting more hair than I wanted him to,breaking a pimple while combing my hair,my braces,continous usage of Alt+Ctrl+Del n god knows many more.With passage of time Frustration seethed in more due to the reason - none to inspire me nor cud I inspire somebody.There was a useless good for nothing feeling building up n growing like a cancer inside me.But yesterday seemed to cure me of everything.I felt I had taken re-birth again.It was the perfect start to the day.As u know it was a Sunday n to my happiness I had got up late after sleepin early.I needed this I guess.By the time I brushed my teeth n seated myself in the sofa it was 10:00.

It was then that the sunday magazine of THE HINDU caught my eye.I am a guy who wud first read the sports page n then read anythin else.But yesterday I got hold of the magazine n saw what had caught my eye.It was an article on Gandhi.It was october 2 his birthday I shud've expected something to appear in the newspaper about him but I was surprised when I had a look.There was a staue of his clad in his customary dothi but the thing was it was in the heart of Atlanta.It was situated in the Martin Luther history museum.I was always an admirer of people who could provoke such mass reactions among people.Rajnikanth,Kamal,MGR,Amitabh,Sachin to name a few.But I even admired another man who cud provoke such a reaction which even all the people which I have mentioned above together wudnt be able to manage.Yes am talkin about Gandhi.I was never a believer of his ideals nor worshipped him.Nor that I do now.There was admiration for the way he carried himself n asked others also to carry themselves in any situation.Onle line in that article which left my heart pounding was "Oh,was he the guy who took on the might of the British Empire?".
It reminded me of the last scene from one of my favourite movies "Hey Ram" where the crowd tries to attack Ghodse after he killed Gandhi even U can c Kamal having a go at his pistol.But at that moment Om Puri stops everyone saying this is the time to prove ourselves by not indulging in any violence against Ghodse.Well that sums up the man as a whole.

N after reading all that I felt numb n I found myself watching SWADES another gr8 movie.Some of the scenes in the movie really tug at ur heart.And as if the icing on the cake I got hold of Illayaraja's Thiruvasagam.I have heard the songs once but yesterday after Swades I took a patient hearing of it n yo there was I at another level.Though I dint understand much I cud feel an elevated sense of happiness.A man with no music knowledge wat so ever today with the help of the best sound engineers in the world has given shape to a grand symphony.The best thing about it was it was done by an Indian.Wat was I waiting for all these days?Wat was I searching and Where was I looking for it?There was an overwhelming sense of shame in me which had replaced all the frustration.The statement "Oh,was he the guy who took on the might of the British Empire?" was made by an some American if not many.The shame was I needed someone from some other country to tell me "Why all the frustration when u urself are to blame?".The fact is that V have totally been totally eclipsed from seeing the light.When v ourselves have forgotten people who made our country proud then where do v go.Y do i c only depression,Y have I forgotten people who inspired a whole generation,Y r their ideals no longer alive.Well yesterday I made a honest admission -Never blame,Try to do it urself.I have been tryin to look for inspiration outside when all I had to do was peep inside.The frustration was just a mask for not looking inside an excuse to blame others.Well am very happy 'cos am feeling again what I hadnt been feeling for quite some time "PROUD TO BE AN INDIAN!".

And on a lighter note I saw someone had put up a comment asking wat "Cogito Ergo Cum".Well if anyone thought it is some Rocket Science am sorry it's a just an ugly remake of a very old cliche.The actual saying is Cogito Ergo Sum which means I think,Therefore I am.It was made by the famous mathematician and philosopher Rene Descartes.With help from my friend Avinash and the net I arrived at this title.N I neednt explain wat cum is or do I need to?So there was the title.
cyaa ashwin

Saturday, October 01, 2005

GOING MOBILE!

Well my creativity seems to be at it's lowest ebb.I have started to look at the owl as a thing of beauty.just kidding.But seriously speaking I wasnt in any mood to blog.It was not running out of topics, just that I felt I was working too much.He He.The most important contribution of Modern Science to the mankind has been the discovery of the MOBILE phone.Well I must put it as the 2nd most important one.For me the first one will always remain the condom.But none of us can ignore the fact that the Mobile culture is growing on us even on Mohinder Amarnath who became famous for sayin I have only a lap not a laptop when asked about his technical expertise for holding the post of Indian coach.Well he sure does hold a Mobile I saw that for sure.

But the point is not only Amarnath but everyone seems to be having one.Even I have one for the record.It has just made it's presence omnipotent,especially in the Student community.
U'll c a guy or a gal from college coming to write an exam without a pen but not without an mobile.Now everyone knows y they do that.Saw MunnaBhai rite.A mobile is mightier than the word.U have all sorts of these moblies lightweight,heavy,feather weight even my weight.My dad used to hold one, that oldest phone which even Adam wud've desisted from using.He held that as if it were an MBE but due to increasing resistance within the family he disposed it and he took another one.Me n my dad r not tech savvy people but even in the hands of such people ur getting used to c a mobile.N my mobile even has a torch.Wat do i do with that?Find treasures in my mouth I guess which is aleady brimming with cement n holes.I have a bsnl phone at home.It acts even as a mobile.Simple,the moment u lift the reciever the cord which attaches the reciever n the phone comes out n ur left speakin 2 urself.

U can listen 2 a song,record ur own voice,watch movies,surf on the net,play 3D games god wat n wat not.But all this doesnt seem to satisfy the Delhi guy n yo he uses the other option MMS n well look wat's happened.That's the flip side.But the most irritating thing about the mobile is the SMS 'cos even I fell a prey for it.Not anymore 'cos am bak to Hyderabad where instead of sendin sms I cud've a decent lunch.Chennai is the place to be in if u want to have the real benefit of a cell phone.U have every scheme there pay n dont use,pay n useless,paymore useless,dont pay dont use name the crap u'll get it.All the couples at my college used to get themselves an add on card.N as usual the guy had to make the purchase n the add on was his sweety.N u cud speak on it for hours no billing.This became popular among staff also guy gettin the female teacher an add on card.Hey he was learning his tuitions.And the sms schemes dont ask it's free.A recent survey conducted by a reputed institution has indicated that due to free SMS married couples have stopped talkin 2 each other.
here's an eg:
HUSBAND:can v lay down the foundation for having children tonight?
WIFE:Y nite now itself jus come down to the kitchen naa,it's only a 300 Sq. foot walk from ur study.
Well well if they r so lazy I donno how Chennai still contributes in a handsome way to the Indian cause.V'll dig into that some other day.

But the worst thing is neither can u throw it away nor live peacefully with it.It's like ur drafter.
Drafter remember engg.drawing 1 year hmmm. Real pain in the d ass wasnt it.Fortunately I never had a Mobile when I was at college. Simple hostels r known for the grand ways in which ur things cud be stolen.U had a gang even better than Daniel Ocean's.Due to such gangs, my friends I have seen always ended up cursing everyone n Mobiles were first on their hit list.Do not think am too intelligent I lost Money if not a mobile.My friend had a brand bew 6600 which is broader than me n whoa he lost a whopping 14k on that.Add to that the new one he has got now 16k.Thankfully due to the curse of the devil he has completed his engg.N u can judge a person just by the way he is glued to his mobile.An even more efficient speed is to loook at the way his messages fly.
CASE 1:slow enuf for u to have a tea,eyes searching for the keys,poor guy doesnt know about the dictionary,gives up n asks u 2 type the message.Such guys generally loose their GF'S.
CASE2:is getting used to the dictionary is embedding all the bad words he knows into it.Has time only 2 scratch his ass wen he's hooked up.
CASE3:Well these r the SMS nerds.U have one look at them it wud be like watching a tennis match from the side rows.Eyes wud be moving faster n more faster n the fingers matching them frame 2 frame.Most likely to abuse u if disturbed.
CASE4:Well these r the people who give u a complex.Tell u that ur fit for nothing n that title wud be added to u disgracefully even
in the field of SMS.These r the kind who say "Hi machan" wave to u with their left hand offer u a smile.Well wat's wrong about them then?The thing is they wud be typing an SMS actually n act like speakin to u.Jerks is the only word I can find for those kinda people.I have seen many of my friends having twisted their necks havin a sour ass n broken nails,butter fingers,aching limbs.Achin limbs well my hostel dint have western toilets.Well all this is due
to the different poses they find themselves in while typing a message.People have started to use it even in the bathrooms just
to prove that even they work.Not only here but even Rahul,Saurav,sehwag,Sachin all of these n many more have been used to woo people n they have been a part of the network fights.Well Saurav again seems to be an exception.Due to his exemplary performance in the recent past he has been asked to step down n take care only of pre-paid duties.Post paid I heard mite land up with Greg.

And now it isnt hep to have earphones plugged to ur ears while driving no more OH HUMDUM SUNIYO RE.U can c a guy his ass wud be on the seat n his head wud be tilted so far towards the left u cud cut his hair n go.Yes ofcourse he wud speakin on his mobile.N the thing which makes me sick r these ringtones.Each time I hear to a sound buzzing I think it's my phone n VOILA my hand goes below I mean it's in my pant pocket.I have become so sensitive to these sounds that even a cockroach farting seems to be a ringtone n off my hands go down.If the same trend continues ppl will start doubtin if I have piles.And as if all this was not enuf udesparately pick ur mobile n make a call .One of the rare occurances.The best thing about my Dad havin a mobile is I can give him a missed call.Ya coming back to the point u pik ur phone dial ur friends no n wat do u hear "MANGAL MANGAL".This is the last nail in the coffin according to me u call to talk ur friend n all u hear is someone barking.Sorry that song is pretty good but imagine if someone has "AASHIQ BANAYAA AASHIQ BANAYAA" .Wat does ur friend do?He doent pik up the phone for a couple a minutes n ur left to rut in hell.N then he asks "GAANA MAST THA NA".Shit I am gettin a ring on my mobile ya am sure it's my mobile got 2 answer it or else at the ohter end "DIL CHAHTA HAI"
cyaa n happy weekend.
ashwin

Thursday, September 29, 2005

A SILENT PRAYER

Stumps shattered and a dejected look
He trudged out slowly his head a slinging motion
Everyone thought the cause for his dejection was his dismissal
But only he knew the reason as he was headin on a war path just like a corporal

Deep down he heard a rumble and something was eating him away
The problem started when he expressed his feelings in the reeling heat of may
I asked him what did she say?
He said "Due to something called RELIGION I have to pay"

And today he tells me he has asked her for the Nth time
But all he got was Tresspasing one's religion is an unpardonable crime
To date she has remained his true friend
But he cannot accept this and is desparate not to reach THE END

An Idiot was he made by people whom he thought were his friends
Wiser now he is realising some of them were fiends
Scared he is to think about the future
For the possibility of her marriage is giving him a torture

Dreadful have been his thoughts as he calls himself a Lunatic
But to rise like the Phoenix has always been his characteristic
Hope my friend breaks barriers - Religion and higher
The Atheist that I am I offer a silent prayer

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

KAAPI OR CAPPUCINO?

The history and development of the beverage that we know as coffee is varied and interesting, involving chance occurrences, political intrigue, and the pursuit of wealth and power.Looks like the start u get in History Channel.According to one story, the effect of coffee beans on behavior was noticed by a sheep herder from Caffa Ethopia .He had noticed that his sheep became hyperactive after eating the red cherries and another legend gives us the name for coffee or "mocha" not anyway related to Mochi that shoe shop where u wud've to sell ur house to get a pair of shoes.By the way Mocha was the name of the town. The Turks were the first country to adopt it as a drink, often adding spices such as clove, cinnamon, cardamom to the brew.Turkish law makes it legal for a woman to divorce her husband if he fail to provide her with her daily quota of coffee. It was much later introduced in Arabia where it was gaurded as if it were some military plans.Coffee was believed by some Christians to be the devil's drink.It has another tale to it.The beans was boiled n drunk by Arab traders n they called it "QAWAH" .Anyone who has seen Mission Kashmir will agree with me.

Then it made it's way around to Italy were it was even Baptized by the then Pope.The Dutch become the first to transport and cultivate coffee commercially, in Ceylon and in their East Indian colony - Java, source of the brew's nickname.For all those s/w nerds it isnt the Java which u think.In Germany the derogatory term "KaffeeKlatsch" was coined to describe women's gossip at coffee affairs.Some scientist in South America produced the instant coffe n termed it Red E Coffee.Those in Chennai wud be familiar with a shop of this name in Nungambakkam n I guess another one in Chetpet.Nestle company invented freeze-dried coffee, developed Nescafe and introduced it in Switzerland.Birth of Nestle.
Question:wat does all this research on coffe prove?
Answer:I am really jobless someone plzzzzzzzz come online.

Well now everyone who has read this blog wud've been enlightened enuf n be ready to crack CAT.I got a reading comprehension which was similar to the paragraphs written above.No wonder I dint crack.Now coffee is something nice to listen.How's this for a take-KAAPI.Ya that's wat we tamilians call it.Kaapi is a must in every house in Tamilnadu.Even the Mylapore Mami's devour it.Any house u go or that matter a restaraunt they wud ask u "Sir, how about Narasus coffe?".Yes Narasus is the hot running brand for years but with products like "Idhu Bru ma" it's been falling down of late.But yes if ur a welcome visitor to a house in T.N. then u'll be provided food n then u finish the meal with a delicous coffee.Not that I am any big fan of it.And if ur someone who has come uninvited then there u go no food directly a coffee.Dont expect anyone to provide filter coffee if u go begging.Tamilians will give anythin 2 beggars not coffee.That's only for the athithi.This is a usual sitiuation in a house in T.N. esp a Brahmin household
Scene 1:Early morning 6:30 A.M.
"Pattu kaapi" This is bed coffee u clean ur mouth that no need to brush this has menthol in it which cleans ur mouth.C how v save money on toothbrushes n paste.As for people wearin braces 2 cups would do.
Scene 2:Morning 7:00 A.M.
After lazing around for a while n performing PRATAHA SANDHYAVANDHANAM another coffee this is one is as Saif says for the pressure.
Scene 3:Morning 8:00 A.M.
This is before u go 2 office as it makes u fresh n helps u to relax.
N then as the day goes one during the seista time to relieve the headache n after getting back home. Tiredness n lots of work are the reason n to end the day one in the night.This is again for not having brushed in the morning.This compensates n continues.For anything like cutting ur nails,having a shave,Scratchin ur hair they serve kaapi even when someone dies ,someone is born hey not 2 the baby which is born.That is the only thing which has been spared of kaapi.

Now not all the illads do this.But some form of the bean has to go in.So came about the make over from kaapi to cappucino.Well all this started with the launch of espresso machines.The name espresso is Italian in origin loosely translated, means a cup of coffee brewed expressly for you.Expresso is the number one alternate spelling related to enjoying the worlds most seductive coffee: espresso. I do not know the origin of this mis-spelling, but at least 1/4 of people searching for an expresso machine - putting it the right way.

WHAT IS CAPPUCINO?
Cappucino is one third expresso coffee, 1 third steamed milk and 1/3 milk froth with a bit of mud n clay. Capuchino is a similar drink made by men in light brown pants. Capucino, capuccino, cappachino?? Who knows. Well Cappuccino is named for the resemblance of its color to the robes of the monks of the Capuchin order. Now every coffe lover around the world wud've had a sip of cappucino.Even a guy like me has had it.So I expect everyone of u to have tasted it.Didnt anyone of u find anything wrong qith it? U can ask "Yes Newton,wat did u find?".The point is I found something but unfortunately not while I was drinking it.One day casually as I was going thru THE HINDU I found an article which stunned me.It's caption was something like this "CAPPUCINO DRINKERS HAVE AS MANY LIVES AS A CAT".Well I got curious n went through it n gosh I almost drowned in my own puke 'cos the previous day only I had a Cappucino.Well for all those sweet cappucino lovers here's a shock it contains cat's FAECES.I cudnt believe wat I was reading.At that time I thought poor me if I feel so bad how wud all those cappu fellows feel.I laughed heartily thinkin at that.It was like watching Rajnikanth dance on the tv with volume muted.People who dint belive wat I was sayin click here.U'll know the truth n will be definitely enlightened.Well I can imagine how u ppl must b feelin after readin that.All I can say is it happens even with the best.I feel like Sherlock Holmes who has had his man in his dragnet n is proudly lecturing him the ways he went about finding it.Well what u choose Kaapi or Cappucino?It's ur call - U can be a humble tamilian like me or have as many lives as a Cat's.
And And I am sorry I'll clear the question lingering on everyone's mind "Why dint Ashwin attend COFFEE WITH KARAN?"
Well I'll give u 2 good reasons:
1.I dont get along with guys who give the oomphs and the ouchs
2.He serves Cappucino not coffee. Now isnt that enuf.
P.S.:-ILLAD is the slang used by the BITSians and even the IITians to describe a tamilians.Like wise telugu people are called Gults and North Indians are called CHOMS-chapathi oriented men.
cyaaa ashwin

Monday, September 26, 2005

DEATH

Walking among the group I feel the eerie silence hanging over me
I looked at her face still and frozen
Hell would be better I thought
Instead of the guilt I had built up like a wall

Eyes downcast and carrying a lump in my throat
I was shaking all over just like a rudderless boat
Where was I when she needed me on her side
Fate played a cruel trick by changing the tide

Trembling hands and a running nose
I unvieled the shroud to see her strike a pose
Tears were a scarcity
But for the guilty soul it seemed to be a necessity

She was always there when I needed her the most
And we celebrated small victories with a toast
I can still see her corpse burning on the pyre
My heart stopped beating as if stuck in a mire

She left me in a state of nauseation
Only to be heightened by the smell of her own cremation
She always said no one cheats death
Neither good health nor the best of wealth

Never thought she herself would fall in the vicious circle
As I sing this melancholy strain my skin turns purple
But today as I look at her with a garland over her photo
Tears roll down my eyes and I feel "Free the guilt" is going to be my motto

Seers nor my tears will get her back
All I can do is think about her and hit the sack
With trembling hands as I finish this I still ask "Was it my fault or was it her's?"

Thursday, September 22, 2005

COMING OF AGE


I saw a movie a week ago.Am talkin about the latest flick from the Khan clan to hit the screens.Well am no Taran Adarsh to do a review n that 2 on Bollywood but I have my own reservations about that movie.It started of as usual with lots of naked dances on the usual beaches with blue water.Saif like Salman isnt searchin for reasons to get undressed - he is never dressed so that makes it pretty simple.Well coming to the theme of the movie - Concubinage,it cud happen but not I guess in India were like good people we are bound to grihakarya.Imagine going n tellin 2 ur dad "hey pop I have got sick of u,I think I really like her am gonna c were it's gonna go n end so am gonna concubinate" n before u knew wat's happenin Thud... wat was that a neat slap n there ends it.I donno about other pops but my pop would sure do that.N the climax a horrible one at that were abhishek looks more like a secret agent in a doc's robe n goes around peeping every hole he finds.gosh it was sick.I saw another bollywood incredible James.Now if any one critises salman for not wearin clothes am gonna kick them.U shud go n take a look at nisha kothari she wud put salman at shame.She wears all the brightest curtains, u see the one's dangling down from the ceilings at ur home.. man I never knew ramu was so short of money tearin curtains n sofa covers to dress his heroine.

Today seems to be a holy day for me.I came face to face with the joys of watchin water not come from the hand flush n the eternal bliss in using a tissue to wipe it off.yuukk.After that I walked out of the bathroom as coolly as u can get n was actin like a real pseud.My dad is sendin me shivers by threatening to cut my hair which is slowly growin like samson's.God knows wat 2 do with my dad.Me n my dad share a Laurel n Hardy kinda relationship.The catch here is both of us are fat he he.Here are some catchy one's
ASHWIN:Dad, wont it look cool if I keep that bird on my hand n go around.
DAD:Ya u wud look a like a stud if it shits in ur hand.
ASHWIN:Dad,am gonna milk that cow
DAD:Be careful it cud milk u too
God every time I say somethin I wud get hit in the butt right there.But it is real fun givin n takin very less of givin.
I just hate that term coming of age.The Indians seem to use it for everything.From the MAMI'S in Mylapore to Ravi Shastri at Bulawayo everyone seems to use it.Just look at all the contexts it is used:
MAMI:Am so happy for ritu she's finally come of age. Well I donno how ritu was feelin then.
Ravi Shastri:Well U jus look at the way Irfaan is bowlin I can tell u He's come of age.Wat the fuk did he attain puberty while runnin 2 his bowlin mark?I mean he's bowling bazookas at some hapless zimbabweans who have names like diseases n improvin his stats.N shastri tells he's come of age.It was as easy for pathan as was sleepin with men for cleopatra.bad one I guess.
N now have a look at taran adarsh.
TARAN:Hindi movies have finally come of age.Ya with movies like james n i'll give u a dialogue from that useless piece of shit.
VILLAIN(to the hero):"THU USKA DOODH PITA HAIN KYAA?" n rightly so he gets WHAM n ya hindi movies have come of age. Now compare this dialogue n the one from one of my favourite movies FIGHT CLUB.
Tyler Durden is saying, "The first rule of fight club is you don't talk about fight club."
"The second rule of fight club," Tyler yells, "is you don't talk about fight club."
Now u know wat is coming of age.
I guess enuf of enlightment n happy bloggin. n for all those of u who love to test ur I.Q. jus try this link <http://grant.robinson.name/projects/guess-the-google/> n the image on the top that's me he he.
ashwin

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

lost n found!!!

Well there is nothing more sweeter than losing something n after all ur die hard efforts u manage it 2 find it say rather get it.It's like u were sittin in discrete math lecture n u were holdin ur urine all through the lecture n then the lousy guy lets everyone free n u have a download...wow... that's the sort of tension u carrry along with u when u loose somethin u treasured a lot n when u get it back I neednt repeat wat i often say "Watever u try the last 2 drops are always in ur pants".wise saying rite.Even though u have a gr8 download there r the scars u cant prevent(u cant hide such scars).similarly even though u get back what u lost ur left with some unpleasant memories about that.

Well the most important thing- wat did i loose?It was my goddamn suitcase.Goddamned till then, the moment I lost it I knew it's enormity.It was not just a weight I was lifting.I had my degree certificates-the only thing 2 prove am another asshole among a buch of assholes,my cheque books(hey am earnin),my cbse certis,my clothes n most importantly my unddies.So many my's were there in that suitcase.The moment I landed in B'lore this catastrophy had occcured.I dint even have a undi 2 change n my friend quietly watchin all this(he was the real culprit) told I can the wear the same thing on the reverse side.I said wow wat sense of timing n wat advice.The suitcase had got misplaced n had moved away quietly to mysore along with the train.Only after a while did I realise it n the moment that happened all hell broke loose.

I remember using cultured language at my friends n ripe with anger I went n reported to the station master.Here's the conversation that took place b/w n the station master.
ASHWIN:Sir I lost my V.I.P suitcase.Blue in colour n has wheels too.
MASTER:Y the **** dint u also go along with the suitcase.
u have got 2 pity him.It was 5 in the mornin.
ASHWIN:I dint go sir that's y am reportin it is lost.
MASTER:wat the hell, are'nt u educated or wat?
ASHWIN:am educated a bit(err..)
MASTER:ya I can c ur a know it all engineer who doesnt know wat he does.
Well I thought of askin "How did u know I was an engg?" but wisely decided not to.
Then after lots of phone calls he told me to come back in the evenin n check out the status.The whole day my mind was only filled with 1 thing "Wen do I change my undi?"

With such unclear thinking n a temper as hot as ajay devgan's in HUM DIL DE CHUKE SANAM wen he find out his wife dotes on someone else.Y am I tellin all this?Ya the whole day I ws in bad spirits partly due to abdomen twitching.Well comin 2 abdomen twitching I donno how do the cricketers give the red cherry a real go at their crotch.The answer is pretty simple u dont want to be caught on television doin such things explicitly so they devised a tactic.genius huh these cricketers.Well there r exceptions 2 that also.Saurav ganguly was once caught in the act n this time he dint let go of it as fast as he wud do to his wicket but he went on n on each time more ferocious more dedicated n it was huge fun when he saw that on the giant screen himself.The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.Poor ganguly he is finding a place even in Ashwin's blogs.Bad times for Indian cricket......

After bitching around the whole day I rushed to the station sharply at 7:00 only to be informed that I had to come back at 11:00 to meet a policeman who wud be comin from Mysore with a bag that fitted my V.I.P's description.With enthu n alarm in equal proportion I went back to my room n prayed for the best .Fearin the worst I went back n to my dismay the policeman was there but not my suitcase.I was told that it was lying at a place called Maddur 45 from mysore n I had to go n personaaly pick it up.Well I was packed off immediately by the policemen into a train by 11:45 to maddur.It looked as desolete as the station in DIL SE(1 SCENE).The station master wasnt there n I was given over the top reception by the guy managing things at the station.He dint stop with that,he gave me comfortable n cosy accomodation on the platform bench.Wow I was having holiday of a life time.I curled up like a prematurely born child n even had an erection I mean due to the cold I cud feel my hair under my neck standin .

Daylight ushered in a new hope in my bleak life n to my utter joy I found my suitcase in all health n style n to top it all nothing was missing.I profusely thanked the station master n thought "not everyone are bad like me".
cyaa ashwin.
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