Sunday, October 02, 2005


"12:30 ki Apparama Onnum Saapidadhe,Purinjidha".Those were the exact words my mom uttered when I left home for office.It means Do Not Eat Anythin After 12:30.Well wat do I tell,today seems to be a lunar eclipse or something n my mom is pretty strict about such things.She has been saying these words since yesterday.I remember the first blog I had written here.It was about college life esp. hostel life n stuff.The reason I started to write was out of sheer frustration.I needed an emotional outlet.I wanted a place where I cud say what I felt n put things in my perspective n the best thing was I was not saying all this 2 myself.I felt I was discussing it with people around.It was not a diary entry that I was making.The frustration in me seemed to have orchestrated to such levels that I started to write pretty frequently.

A frustrated soul can think in so many ways I've found that.There is that anger which stems from within which only U can feel.It has become a sort of a phenomenon I guess with me.Everything I saw ,I felt,I heard all of them seemed to increase the frustration.The nature of politics,the Indian team not doing well,rains,droughts,death,communal riots,shops opening late closing early,the barber cutting more hair than I wanted him to,breaking a pimple while combing my hair,my braces,continous usage of Alt+Ctrl+Del n god knows many more.With passage of time Frustration seethed in more due to the reason - none to inspire me nor cud I inspire somebody.There was a useless good for nothing feeling building up n growing like a cancer inside me.But yesterday seemed to cure me of everything.I felt I had taken re-birth again.It was the perfect start to the day.As u know it was a Sunday n to my happiness I had got up late after sleepin early.I needed this I guess.By the time I brushed my teeth n seated myself in the sofa it was 10:00.

It was then that the sunday magazine of THE HINDU caught my eye.I am a guy who wud first read the sports page n then read anythin else.But yesterday I got hold of the magazine n saw what had caught my eye.It was an article on Gandhi.It was october 2 his birthday I shud've expected something to appear in the newspaper about him but I was surprised when I had a look.There was a staue of his clad in his customary dothi but the thing was it was in the heart of Atlanta.It was situated in the Martin Luther history museum.I was always an admirer of people who could provoke such mass reactions among people.Rajnikanth,Kamal,MGR,Amitabh,Sachin to name a few.But I even admired another man who cud provoke such a reaction which even all the people which I have mentioned above together wudnt be able to manage.Yes am talkin about Gandhi.I was never a believer of his ideals nor worshipped him.Nor that I do now.There was admiration for the way he carried himself n asked others also to carry themselves in any situation.Onle line in that article which left my heart pounding was "Oh,was he the guy who took on the might of the British Empire?".
It reminded me of the last scene from one of my favourite movies "Hey Ram" where the crowd tries to attack Ghodse after he killed Gandhi even U can c Kamal having a go at his pistol.But at that moment Om Puri stops everyone saying this is the time to prove ourselves by not indulging in any violence against Ghodse.Well that sums up the man as a whole.

N after reading all that I felt numb n I found myself watching SWADES another gr8 movie.Some of the scenes in the movie really tug at ur heart.And as if the icing on the cake I got hold of Illayaraja's Thiruvasagam.I have heard the songs once but yesterday after Swades I took a patient hearing of it n yo there was I at another level.Though I dint understand much I cud feel an elevated sense of happiness.A man with no music knowledge wat so ever today with the help of the best sound engineers in the world has given shape to a grand symphony.The best thing about it was it was done by an Indian.Wat was I waiting for all these days?Wat was I searching and Where was I looking for it?There was an overwhelming sense of shame in me which had replaced all the frustration.The statement "Oh,was he the guy who took on the might of the British Empire?" was made by an some American if not many.The shame was I needed someone from some other country to tell me "Why all the frustration when u urself are to blame?".The fact is that V have totally been totally eclipsed from seeing the light.When v ourselves have forgotten people who made our country proud then where do v go.Y do i c only depression,Y have I forgotten people who inspired a whole generation,Y r their ideals no longer alive.Well yesterday I made a honest admission -Never blame,Try to do it urself.I have been tryin to look for inspiration outside when all I had to do was peep inside.The frustration was just a mask for not looking inside an excuse to blame others.Well am very happy 'cos am feeling again what I hadnt been feeling for quite some time "PROUD TO BE AN INDIAN!".

And on a lighter note I saw someone had put up a comment asking wat "Cogito Ergo Cum".Well if anyone thought it is some Rocket Science am sorry it's a just an ugly remake of a very old cliche.The actual saying is Cogito Ergo Sum which means I think,Therefore I am.It was made by the famous mathematician and philosopher Rene Descartes.With help from my friend Avinash and the net I arrived at this title.N I neednt explain wat cum is or do I need to?So there was the title.
cyaa ashwin


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Gowri Shankar said...

i know abt u very well n how u used 2 get frustrated 4, u left many things in that list,u get frustrated:
1.if the food is not good
2.if the movie u watch is not good
3.if the songs u hear are not good
and many more...............

talking abt gandhi, i hope u remember the incident when bai was reading his autobiography n i got the book 4m him and made u 2 read a particular chapter alone...!

whenever i think abt gandhiji, that very matter comes to my mind!!!
Anyway, itz great blogging 4m u. Keep it up!

Anonymous said...

dei i know u forget yourself what ur doing many at times..though speaking of GANDHI does mean tht ull follow his principles.AS usual ur gonna forget tomorrow.and why the hell u wrrite such things and make urself impressive....anyway good blogging

sekar said...

Dei what title is this its like Regu's Noes