Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Hitchhiker’s guide to the perfect lemon juice



1. Buy a couple of lemons from the market. Do not try to bargain as you will get nothing from trying to bargain for a couple of them, in fact you might get your lemons squeezed for that.

2. Cut the lemon in two. Ensure that you do not cut your fingers while doing that.

3. Do not try to squeeze the half cut lemon with your own hands. You will have the juice sprayed all over the table which will leave you only with water to drink.

4. Do not check if the lemon is fully squeezed by placing it close to your eyes in order to closely observe for any remaining pulp. Citric acid in your eyes is not fun.

5. Once you have cleaned your face thoroughly, squeeze the remaining lemons with the squeezer. If you are looking at maximum ROI from the lemon, imagine you are squeezing your arch enemy’s or for that matter Sreesanth’s lemons. The harder you squeeze, the more you get.

6. Now add salt and sugar in indirect proportion to your IQ. The lower the IQ, the more salt and sugar you keep adding.

7. Now add water and look. Add more water and keep looking. Since you belong to the Mensa tribe, you will be definitely able to predict the concentration of the juice by just staring at it.

8. Now taste.

9. Spit.

10. Taste Again.

11. Spit.

12. Chances are it might be too concentrated. Now add water.

13. Taste.

14. Add more water and some more.

15. Now you have a bowl full of lemon juice which looks and tastes somewhere between an IV and piss.

16. Do not ask the wifey to taste your masterpiece and more importantly do not ask for her opinion.

17. Now, go get some apples.

1 comment:

quartyc said...

when I read the title..hitchhiker's guide...I was expecting instruction no. 42 for nirvaana... Lemon squeezing...reminds me of the holy baang effect!

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