A railway station to me is one of the most fascinating places to be in.Every emotion,every reaction,even the slightest twinge of the muscle can be seen and felt at any railway station.The Secunderabad railway station is no different from any of it's fellow stations.Enter ino it during the peak evening time you will be engulfed in a sea of humanity along with it's residue 'sweat'.No deo can work wonders at railway stations unless and until say its of the kind like Ooty.The moment you enter the platform ou can see the Red army doing their job.The porters are really one of their kind.I happened to spot an old porter standing beside me and I asked him politely "Miyaan s2 coach kahan pe aayega?".Pat comes the reply "Chashme pehen ke bhi dikhta nahin hain kyaa tere ko?,woh dekh oopar woh board pe lite jal raha hain,wahan se patah kar le....".There was silence for a brief moment as he was sizing me up and I was more than relieved that his tirade was over and then as if as an after thought he says "Kandol" and quietly moves away.Well as he suggested I found s2 quite comfortably.It was then that I looked into my ticket and to my utter disgust found that my seat no was 72.Not again I cursed myself.The toilet jinx seemed to continue.How ever hard I try, beating all laws of probability my seat always ends up just beside the toilet where people come and stand all the while spitting pan or taking their shirts off to get their sweat off.No second thoughts about where all that smell goes.Right from class VII the jinx had started.My class was just next to the rest rooms(I'll refrain from saying toilet) and there it was till 10th.It was temporary respite for a couple of years during higher secondary but the jinx caught on at college.
Every train journey from then seemed to be either in seat no 1-8 or 64-72 and now I was cornered again as usual.Wondering whether I should tie a kerchief around my nose like a terrorist,I silently slipped my baggage under the seat and settled down.As it happens you always dream of having a hot chick beside you but such things happen only in movies and in Chetan Bhagat's novels.I was just scanning the people around me.There was this loud mouthed kid who was sayin things which was making me LOL.It was the chachi of that kid I guess who was repeatedly asking her "Beti,Pakistan kahan pe hain?" and that kid hardly 4 years old looks here and there as if to see whether her mom is watching her slowly whispers back "Mere skirt ke andar" and chuckles.Laughter everywhere.A hand comes out of no where and thud it lands on the child's cheek.Her mom shrieks "Bhabhi use bigadiye mat!"(Dont spoil her, as if she already isnt).The child now is really angry and she shoots back "Pakistan mere skirt ke andar hi hain,main aise hi chillaoongi".Laughter changes to howling.Her mom is left red faced in embarassment.Kids do trouble man!All this laughter was dying down slowly in the constant whirring of the engine.It was time to go.You could see faces of expectancy,anguish,fear everything around people as they sent off their beloved one's.Well atlast I thought,the train started to move late as usual by 10 minutes.Everyone was quite except for that kid who was still foul mouthing Pakistan.I was laughing silently.I dont know if all the trains would have good engine drivers but every train would definitely have a TT who would accept a bribe.That's the only advantage of sitting beside the entrance I would rather say as you can see all the under the table dealings.There was once this arguement over what TT abbreviated to and there were different full forms coming out and then came the master one.One of my friends calmly said "I know what TT is...".He gave a pause to as if signify his point and then said "Ticket Ticket".Kraaaa Thooooooooooo everyone did in unison.The ticket collector for my compartment looked more like a groundnut seller than a TT.I dint know whether he was checking tickets or selling them.As he was checking everyone's ticket he asked the 4 year old kid "beti tumhare Mummy papa kahan hain,ticket dekhna hain".Pat came the reply.Howling once again.The TT cursed himself and left.
There not many things you can do while sitting in a train and that too when you are in the stomach stirring presence of the Indian Railways toilet.So I decided it was time for music and videos.So I just slipped my Ipod on and started to watch Virrumaandi.Everything was going fine.There were some curious faces around me who were trying to fathom what it was.One guy said it was a T.V. and the other seemed to say it was a computer.People were just throwing glances at it as they crossed and went to the toilets or for a fag.It was sometime later that the mother of the kid realised that there was a way to handle her child.She smilingly looked at me and said "Dekho uncle T.V. dekh rahe hain,tum bhi jaake dekho".Fuck you pot head whose uncle am I.And for people who dont know about Virumaandi,it is a KamalHaasan movie and I neednt tell you what wouldnt be there in a kamal movie.It was just one of the scenes where kamal is sitting on the steps leading into a well and talking with the heroine,that the kid and her mother peep over my shoulder to see the T.V.And then there goes Kamal.Teary eyed,kamal gives a long smooch to the heroine.Long enough for the mother to throw a glance at me which I thought said something like "You child rapist asshole!".I cudnt do anything other than say "Chalo doosri picture dikhaata hoon"(I'll show u another movie).Her mom pulled her kid away and must've thought "this guy is some sophisticated kidnapper,he'll take video and photo of my kid and do something with it".Well what do I say?There was a middle aged couple travelling with me.It was then that I observed there were more no. of people than the no. of seats.It was dé·jà vu.I knew what was going to happen and what was coming.
In all likelyhood I would be asked to exchange my seat with someone sitting at the last compartment.People asking me to exchange seats thought it was very simple carrying my luggage all the way.They asked me stating reasons like I am youth(one second unc(u)le and next youth!) and I was single and blah blah.That was what exactly happened.
Middle Aged Woman(MAW):Are you travelling alone?
Me:No,me and my baggage
MAW:Oh,ur so funny..he he..Just like my hubby..i like funny people
Me:Sorry ur hubby is staring at me
MAW:Oh thats alrite.. c na me and my hubby have different seats..my hubby cant do without me..
There from the corner of my eye I saw her hubby looking at her and I thought it said something like "Lying bitch,she needs me for blowing her air pillow"
MAW:See we are old ppl and my coach is s14.... can u shift there?you are youth(Yuck) and u dont have any b'ful wife like me..so shift there na...
Me:yaa ok I'll move.
I was already thinking "s14 is a 1km jog..donno if i'll make it".So I started to bid farewall to my journey mates and as I was searching for my water bottle I muttered to myself "Were is the bottle?I kept it here only".Pat came the reply, this time almost in a robotic tone.Howling once again.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Line of Fire
Note:- This is my first attempt at writing a story(serious one).And another warning - it is terribly big.So hope you have the patience to read it and enjoy it.
"Shit,Not so fast",he thought.He was lying by the bushes,deep cuts over his hands courtesy the barbed wires.He was trapped in what they called the Chakravyooh.There was no escaping this time.But this was what he wanted all through these six months.He had always found himself ways to get killed but everytime it missed by a whisker.People around him mistook it for courage and valour.He had always walked right into death's mouth only to come unscathed each time.After all no one knew the reason behind his madness.There was always this veil of bravery and love for one's country shielding him.His madness was hidden behind that.That was what he loved the most-A place to hide.A place where no one knew his burning inner desires.A place where he could bury himself and his fears.He felt desparate by each passing day.It was just not happening for him.He had thrown himself thrice into the pitch of the battle hoping he would die and his misery would end.But for all his efforts he ended up saving 3 lives of his fellow countrymen."Bastards" he thought,when the squadron leader announced his name was being sent for the gallantry awards.An award to kill,an award to save and an award for getting killed.Same award for all fucking reasons."Fuck these awards", he kept murmuring."Even the Govt. seems to be propogating death" albeit it was others lives which mattered for the govt. unlike his.
As he was lying by the bushes,crawling all over his wounds his reasoning power seemed to go down.All he could think of was September 13.He remembered everything all too clear.He was a happy go lucky individual who even had the good fortune of falling in love with a wonderful girl.But that day everything fell apart from the seams."Pick the call,Pick the call" he was shouting for the nth time.This was his 21st call in the last 15 minutes.But either the call was cut or the phone was left buzzing.And then she picked the call and to his dismay all she uttered was "It is over,tell your parents and keep telling yourself also".He shook with horror when he realized the full impact of her statement.His mind was racing.What had gone wrong?What grave mistake did he do?Then it struck him.In his anxiety to make the road clear for him to live with her he had informed about their affair to all and sundry.Her father was getting the news through everyone except the guy."Thats it" she and her father decided.They decided to put a full stop to all this drama once and for all.Her dad informed him in no plain terms that he could never marry his daughter and when he said "But your daughter loves me" then come the bolt which left him high and dry at that moment.His love, in more plainer terms than her dad told "I never loved him,It was he who kept calling me even though I was against it".That was the final nail in the coffin.The issue was settled once and for all.All he had inside him was rage and an urge to finish himself.He tried calling her to explain himself and ask for a reason but all he got was "This Number is not accepting any calls at this moment,Please try again later".He kicked the turf,sent hate mails to her and called her a bitch.She replied back saying "You call the girl you were supposed to be madly in love as a bitch.There is nothing anymore".Once a bitch always a bitch, he cursed and spat.The bathroom was his refuge.He dint know whether it was the tears or the shower which was washing him.In sudden impulse he grabbed the Harpic bottle and thought he would wash down his intestines with it.But all he could do was fling the bottle away in frustration.The truth was out.In his own eyes he felt he was not man enough to take his own life.
The war was out.Blood was being spilled like water from a water tanker.The country needed more men.More men to kill,more men to die so that more awards could be given away.War according to him was the most cowardly and saddistic act ever known to mankind where unknown people kill known and unknown people.It was the perfect place for a coward like him to hide.He knew he would be definitely killed.And for all you know he might end up with a medal around his corpse which would instill false prestige in one's near and dear to him.The thought excited him.What a way to get killed.Which man would love to get his face unmasked and show his coward side to the world.He decided that was it and enrolled for the war under the garb of fighting for his country.Everytime he heard news that enemy was advancing his pulse would race and he would let out a satisfied smile.But alas it was not that simple.Getting killed in a war by the enemy wasnt happening for him.The bullets always dodged him.He never seemed capable of stepping on a landmine and neither could an enemy kill him bare handed when he was cornered all alone.It was getting to him.It was now or never.Within two days the Nothern Infantry would be moving in.Once that happened the enemy would definitely be vanquished.They wouldnt be able to even god damn fart without them being detected.
This was his best chance.He along with another proud patriot had been sent to monitor the enemy's weapon positions and artillery strength.But the proud patriot in an over zealous attempt to count the no. of pimples on his enemy's forehead put himself directly in the line of fire.He could see what had happened and just about caught a glimpse of a guard taking aim at the patriot."This is my chance", he told to himself between gritted teeth.He lunged at the patriot and pulled him down.It was exactly at that time he felt someone stab a hot iron rod through his chest.He was shot.Another shot was fired and it caught the patriot right on the head.He looked up in horror at the patriot.It was then that he realised that he had been the first one who had been shot.He felt his chest with his right hand and he saw blood oozing out."Shit,Not so fast",he thought.He was lying by the bushes,deep cuts over his hands courtesy the barbed wires.He was scared,he was frightened.There was no escaping this time.But this was what he wanted all through these six months.And now when confronted with it he was not experiencing pleasure nor was he seeing angels pouring wine down his throat.It was not that he did not want to die but he wanted to live for sometime,just some more time god damnit,he cursed silently.He wanted to die in the hospital bed not here.He wanted to see her for one last time.He wanted to embed her voice in his head for one last time.He couldnt die now,not now.Crawling over his battered body he evaded them one by one.His survival instincts were at the peak.He was dodging the bullets now.They seemed so near but he cared less.Battered and bruised he reached his batallion crawling all the way and gave the information to his commander.
He was rushed to the medical camp in a jiffy.As news about his heroics spread so did the word spread among his near and dear one's that their hero was breathing his last.His father arrived unshaven and with unkempt hair along with his mother who resembled a ghost.They knew they were loosing their precious gem.As his father patted his hair all he said was "I want to see her once dad.Take this as your son's last wish."By this time even she had heard the news about her love being in his last stages.She had mixed emotions.She dint want him to die but knew it dint matter if he lived as far as their relationship was concerned.She knew she had gone too far now to accept him back and her father's word was her holy grail.Then she heard her phone buzz and when she answered it she heard the voice of a broken man "Please come down once and speak to my son for a moment."She packed her bags and along with her father left to the medical camp.She pulled the screen and ducked into the dimly lit make shift tent.There she saw him,his eyes transfixed on her.He looked pale but there was no mistake of the fire in his eyes.She stooped forward and held his hand.He cried like a boy who got separated from his mom in the carnival.Atlast he said to himself.He looked up at his father gratefully for granting his last wish.He felt his hand slip away from hers.His whole body started to curl upwards.His breathing was heavy and he was trying to breathe with his mouth open.There he saw it.He saw tears rolling down her cheeks as she was clutching him.The pain was now beyond any measurable parameters.There was one final upward curl and he flopped downwards slowly.Her shrieks seemed to be like loud ambulance sirens to him.It was echoing and the intensity was reducing.And then one drop of tear trickled down her cheek into his gaping mouth.He felt the angels pouring wine down his throat.The dying man had got his last drop of water.And then there was silence.His hand fell away as if in slow motion from hers.His eyes were closed.He was gone.
May his soul rest in peace.
Amen
"Shit,Not so fast",he thought.He was lying by the bushes,deep cuts over his hands courtesy the barbed wires.He was trapped in what they called the Chakravyooh.There was no escaping this time.But this was what he wanted all through these six months.He had always found himself ways to get killed but everytime it missed by a whisker.People around him mistook it for courage and valour.He had always walked right into death's mouth only to come unscathed each time.After all no one knew the reason behind his madness.There was always this veil of bravery and love for one's country shielding him.His madness was hidden behind that.That was what he loved the most-A place to hide.A place where no one knew his burning inner desires.A place where he could bury himself and his fears.He felt desparate by each passing day.It was just not happening for him.He had thrown himself thrice into the pitch of the battle hoping he would die and his misery would end.But for all his efforts he ended up saving 3 lives of his fellow countrymen."Bastards" he thought,when the squadron leader announced his name was being sent for the gallantry awards.An award to kill,an award to save and an award for getting killed.Same award for all fucking reasons."Fuck these awards", he kept murmuring."Even the Govt. seems to be propogating death" albeit it was others lives which mattered for the govt. unlike his.
As he was lying by the bushes,crawling all over his wounds his reasoning power seemed to go down.All he could think of was September 13.He remembered everything all too clear.He was a happy go lucky individual who even had the good fortune of falling in love with a wonderful girl.But that day everything fell apart from the seams."Pick the call,Pick the call" he was shouting for the nth time.This was his 21st call in the last 15 minutes.But either the call was cut or the phone was left buzzing.And then she picked the call and to his dismay all she uttered was "It is over,tell your parents and keep telling yourself also".He shook with horror when he realized the full impact of her statement.His mind was racing.What had gone wrong?What grave mistake did he do?Then it struck him.In his anxiety to make the road clear for him to live with her he had informed about their affair to all and sundry.Her father was getting the news through everyone except the guy."Thats it" she and her father decided.They decided to put a full stop to all this drama once and for all.Her dad informed him in no plain terms that he could never marry his daughter and when he said "But your daughter loves me" then come the bolt which left him high and dry at that moment.His love, in more plainer terms than her dad told "I never loved him,It was he who kept calling me even though I was against it".That was the final nail in the coffin.The issue was settled once and for all.All he had inside him was rage and an urge to finish himself.He tried calling her to explain himself and ask for a reason but all he got was "This Number is not accepting any calls at this moment,Please try again later".He kicked the turf,sent hate mails to her and called her a bitch.She replied back saying "You call the girl you were supposed to be madly in love as a bitch.There is nothing anymore".Once a bitch always a bitch, he cursed and spat.The bathroom was his refuge.He dint know whether it was the tears or the shower which was washing him.In sudden impulse he grabbed the Harpic bottle and thought he would wash down his intestines with it.But all he could do was fling the bottle away in frustration.The truth was out.In his own eyes he felt he was not man enough to take his own life.
The war was out.Blood was being spilled like water from a water tanker.The country needed more men.More men to kill,more men to die so that more awards could be given away.War according to him was the most cowardly and saddistic act ever known to mankind where unknown people kill known and unknown people.It was the perfect place for a coward like him to hide.He knew he would be definitely killed.And for all you know he might end up with a medal around his corpse which would instill false prestige in one's near and dear to him.The thought excited him.What a way to get killed.Which man would love to get his face unmasked and show his coward side to the world.He decided that was it and enrolled for the war under the garb of fighting for his country.Everytime he heard news that enemy was advancing his pulse would race and he would let out a satisfied smile.But alas it was not that simple.Getting killed in a war by the enemy wasnt happening for him.The bullets always dodged him.He never seemed capable of stepping on a landmine and neither could an enemy kill him bare handed when he was cornered all alone.It was getting to him.It was now or never.Within two days the Nothern Infantry would be moving in.Once that happened the enemy would definitely be vanquished.They wouldnt be able to even god damn fart without them being detected.
This was his best chance.He along with another proud patriot had been sent to monitor the enemy's weapon positions and artillery strength.But the proud patriot in an over zealous attempt to count the no. of pimples on his enemy's forehead put himself directly in the line of fire.He could see what had happened and just about caught a glimpse of a guard taking aim at the patriot."This is my chance", he told to himself between gritted teeth.He lunged at the patriot and pulled him down.It was exactly at that time he felt someone stab a hot iron rod through his chest.He was shot.Another shot was fired and it caught the patriot right on the head.He looked up in horror at the patriot.It was then that he realised that he had been the first one who had been shot.He felt his chest with his right hand and he saw blood oozing out."Shit,Not so fast",he thought.He was lying by the bushes,deep cuts over his hands courtesy the barbed wires.He was scared,he was frightened.There was no escaping this time.But this was what he wanted all through these six months.And now when confronted with it he was not experiencing pleasure nor was he seeing angels pouring wine down his throat.It was not that he did not want to die but he wanted to live for sometime,just some more time god damnit,he cursed silently.He wanted to die in the hospital bed not here.He wanted to see her for one last time.He wanted to embed her voice in his head for one last time.He couldnt die now,not now.Crawling over his battered body he evaded them one by one.His survival instincts were at the peak.He was dodging the bullets now.They seemed so near but he cared less.Battered and bruised he reached his batallion crawling all the way and gave the information to his commander.
He was rushed to the medical camp in a jiffy.As news about his heroics spread so did the word spread among his near and dear one's that their hero was breathing his last.His father arrived unshaven and with unkempt hair along with his mother who resembled a ghost.They knew they were loosing their precious gem.As his father patted his hair all he said was "I want to see her once dad.Take this as your son's last wish."By this time even she had heard the news about her love being in his last stages.She had mixed emotions.She dint want him to die but knew it dint matter if he lived as far as their relationship was concerned.She knew she had gone too far now to accept him back and her father's word was her holy grail.Then she heard her phone buzz and when she answered it she heard the voice of a broken man "Please come down once and speak to my son for a moment."She packed her bags and along with her father left to the medical camp.She pulled the screen and ducked into the dimly lit make shift tent.There she saw him,his eyes transfixed on her.He looked pale but there was no mistake of the fire in his eyes.She stooped forward and held his hand.He cried like a boy who got separated from his mom in the carnival.Atlast he said to himself.He looked up at his father gratefully for granting his last wish.He felt his hand slip away from hers.His whole body started to curl upwards.His breathing was heavy and he was trying to breathe with his mouth open.There he saw it.He saw tears rolling down her cheeks as she was clutching him.The pain was now beyond any measurable parameters.There was one final upward curl and he flopped downwards slowly.Her shrieks seemed to be like loud ambulance sirens to him.It was echoing and the intensity was reducing.And then one drop of tear trickled down her cheek into his gaping mouth.He felt the angels pouring wine down his throat.The dying man had got his last drop of water.And then there was silence.His hand fell away as if in slow motion from hers.His eyes were closed.He was gone.
May his soul rest in peace.
Amen
Thursday, September 14, 2006
CEASED TO EXIST
Hanging between life and death like a raindrop perched on the edge of a rooftop..I do not know which side is life and which side is death..what do you call such a stage?Am just a dead man counting the no. of wounds on his body wishing it would heal.But how would something heal after you die?Nothing heals after death neither does it during life..What wud it be like to lie dead waiting to get mummified?Do you call it death or rebirth?What is it that makes people live even after they die or die when they live?We sense death,smell death,fear death and even die but we still live on..What do I call this?Life or death?Offline Online Invisible Visible does any of these things matter?A dying man wants just two drops of water but he hasnt got it..not that he would have lived because of it..but he still manages to live..Or does he?He manages to oscillate..What do I call this?Life or Death?Whats life when death awaits and what's the use of shouting and kicking when the medical examiner has pronounced you dead?Who is ready to listen?Who is Who to pronounce life and death when something exists between that and beyond that..What is the cause in trying to live after you die?Why dint you try dying when you were living?May be someone would have heard you then...may be not..But were you living first as a matter of fact?If you were what were you doing?If not then is it that you are dead?Somethings are unknown and are better undefined...I existed but there is no record of it..I wanted those 2 drops but I never got it..Now what do I call this?Life death or injustice?Is it possible to die without those two drops or is it worth living for those two drops and then die..But in between all this there is something... and again there is something beyond all this..Something all of us feel when we live and even when we die..We even feel it when waiting for those two drops either to die to live or live to die?You choose it...life death or the other unknown quantity suffocation...We live in suffocation and we also suffocate to death..I do not know yet what to call this stage?All I know is I am suffocating but which side I am still trying to find, but I may cease to exist by then....
Sunday, July 30, 2006
MAN ON THE TOR
Out there somewhere on the moor
I see a man lurking in the shadows
Eyes glistening and fear written all over his face
He mopped his brow and continued his work at a hare's pace
Burning with curiosity I inched forward,a Lantern in hand
In the prevailing darkness I could figure out he was digging the land
The terrain was ragged and it was a steep climb up the hill
Somewhere there was the man on the tor & the moon behind him standing still
Heart beating faster I inched closer to the stranger
Seeing the shovel and knife in hand I sensed danger
A sense of overwhelming dé·jà vu was all that I was feeling
And it heightened into a climax which sent my senses reeling
He was digging a grave for the person he had slain
When he turned to look back there was only fear and pain
His features his gait all seemed familiar and striking
I was stunned I was looking at a mirror and that moment of truth sent my hair spiking
Hands trembling & trying to touch him I asked "Who are You?"
"You are me and I am You"
Looking down into the grave I saw in horror to see myself lying dead
What was I doing there when I was supposed to be lying on the bed
I realised I had sold my soul and was digging my own grave doing things I hated
The truth dawned upon me and for this I must thank 1 man before the feeling gets abated
And there far beyond I see him guiding me - "THE MAN ON THE TOR"
I see a man lurking in the shadows
Eyes glistening and fear written all over his face
He mopped his brow and continued his work at a hare's pace
Burning with curiosity I inched forward,a Lantern in hand
In the prevailing darkness I could figure out he was digging the land
The terrain was ragged and it was a steep climb up the hill
Somewhere there was the man on the tor & the moon behind him standing still
Heart beating faster I inched closer to the stranger
Seeing the shovel and knife in hand I sensed danger
A sense of overwhelming dé·jà vu was all that I was feeling
And it heightened into a climax which sent my senses reeling
He was digging a grave for the person he had slain
When he turned to look back there was only fear and pain
His features his gait all seemed familiar and striking
I was stunned I was looking at a mirror and that moment of truth sent my hair spiking
Hands trembling & trying to touch him I asked "Who are You?"
"You are me and I am You"
Looking down into the grave I saw in horror to see myself lying dead
What was I doing there when I was supposed to be lying on the bed
I realised I had sold my soul and was digging my own grave doing things I hated
The truth dawned upon me and for this I must thank 1 man before the feeling gets abated
And there far beyond I see him guiding me - "THE MAN ON THE TOR"
Sunday, March 26, 2006
BEING CYRUS
It was a good experience to watch a movie at the PVR.I mean the effects and the seating are better than what one has at IMAX.IMAX looks more of a terrorist hub than a movie paradise.Getting straight to the point watched quite a lot a movies over the weekend..some of them were previously seen ones.But the one I want to talk about is the one mentioned in the title.There was so much of hype surrounding this movie.I actually came to know about this movie when I was at PVR for the first time to watch Taxi no 9211.It had scripts from the Israel film festival saying it was a great movie and stuff.So naturally I was intersted in watching the movie.And things like having a 90 min running time and the theme What happens when you let a stranger in..all these things added to the drama.I havent got the directors name by heart yet..it's some homi or homo whatever.But the thing what I heard about him was that he was a cinematographer by profession.Well that was the first thing that struck me when I saw the movie.The visuals,the shots the angles,the way Saif is introduced lying down in a bunch of leaves dirt all over his pant all these promised a lot.But the initial promise cannot be held through out the film.People who have seen Ek Haseena Thi would agree with me that Saif's performance as a bad guy was much better there.The story revolves around two Parsi Families which has been shot extensively in Panchgani and Mumbai.Its a typical Parsi house large rooms,antique furniture.Add to that a master in pottery portrayed by Naseerudin Shah.He does it with real ease.You dont even feel he is trying to act.Bomman Irani is the real show stealer.And gosh I never knew he was so fat.Fatter than me also!His is a worthy performance indeed.And remember Simone singh..the girl who tries to woo Saif in Kal Ho Naa Ho by slipping a ring in the champagne.She looks stunning and does her job quite nicely.The film drags basically and you fell 90 min as very lenghty.The lesser spoken about Dimple Kapadia the better I guess.All I can say is physically she has become very loose and her performance is as bad as it can get-Drown in your own puke types.She is very loud and spoils the entire show.On seeing the promos I was epecting something like Ramu's Kaun..but this gets no way near it.And I saw Memento at last.All I can say is Ghajini should be banned.I felt like puking on the movie when I saw it even without watching Memento.Now I feel everyone should puke together on Ghajini and Aamir is totally out of his brians I guess to remake Ghajini.I think it was Surya's most stupid performance..shaking his head all over..But being cyrus I would advice for a VCD,potato chips and some drinks..thats it..
Friday, March 17, 2006
HOLI HAII
The road seemed to be peacefully quiet and all I could feel was the wind blowing across my face and the ruffling of the leaves.Everything was so strange.Was I drunk?There were hardly people out on the roads not even the buffalo who always gave me a strange look and dumped dung indicating his love for me.The indecissive woman who dint know if a single packet of Parle-G was enough for her kindergarten kids also seemed to be missing.I was wondering had her sons packed her off to school.Atlast I saw the buffalo and was waiting for the customary shit-off.It was then that I realised that one of the horns of this shit producing mammal was coloured.It was something like pink and green.It was then it struck me.Holiii fuckk.My job has been screwing my senses numb but I never thought it wud take me down to this level.I was the only asshole who was working even on Holi.As a kid I remember being scared of playing holi.The reason was I was a thin little kid(long long ago) and was immensely intimated by so many people running around crazily.It seemed to be like a war.The only thing I dared to do was take a colour chalk peice and immerse it in water and throw it on my mother.My mom would be proud of her little kid playing holi with her.But as my age grew so did the body and the feeling of intimidation seemed to be vanishing away.I dont remember when exactly but I think it was class 6 or 7 that I started to play with colours.Not that there was any rule that holi was supposed to be played only after reaching puberty.From that moment on I loved to play holi.It was one day when I could get away with anything.Even the eves dint mind me that day..that was a real bonus.
There was this religious practise of filling up balloons with coloured water and firing it like missiles all around the place from my terrace.If it hit someone u would have to encounter pleasantries even though it was holi.So the safest persons to hit were the dogs and the buffaloes.Many guys had this vision of turning Shahrukh on the day of holi.Some of them would plan extremely brilliant things like using the gulal as sindoor thinking they would win over their girl in the heat of the moment.He He..it never got anywere.It ended up only in a tight slap.But the beauty was you could apply some more and shout holi haii..no one were left with answers for these antics.It was a rule that none should be spared and one could see many people transforming into cartoon figures.If you are as smart as vijaykanth then god save you..sorry even holi cant affect such people.Their tales of valour and courage are well known.People keep asking why holi isnt played with the same fervour in Tamilnadu.There was a time when people used to play holi even there with the same intensity.But on one holi Vijaykanth a.k.a Captain decided to hit the streets.And guess what he drank what ever was sprayed at him.It still remains a world record for drinking 5 million gallons of coloured water in a day spread across a state.The previous record was held by J.Jayalalitha who drank a record 3.5 million gallons.She says thats the reason she's so slim.No wonder people out there dont play holi that much 'cos before they start playing everything is over.So to beat JJ's record was quite some achievement.When asked about how he managed to acheive such a colossol feat all he had to say was it was just like drinking Madras Municipal Corporation water+Rasna..wow that was real cool..he even added the secret of his colour was holii..sorry for deviating from the topic.But for those of you who do not know who captain is,he is the 3rd biggest comedian in the Indian Film Industry.The first one being Mithun and the second Sunny Deol.Deol edges out captain for the sole reson that he remakes captains films in Hindi.
Here are some FAQ's on holi..
1. What is a Pichkaari:It is a very sophisticated instrument developed in the early 18th century
for injecting an elephants ass.It wasnt very useful there so people decided to use it here but even its time is running out as Captain proved it impotent
2.Why every Hindi movie has a Holi Song:The basic thing is everyone wants to enjoy the director the hero the heroine so wen u have a holi song in the name of colours they end up doing Raam Jaane..and if the director is someone like Subash Ghai he would have a rain dance to wipe all the colours off,the reason being simple.He neednt wash all those clothes hence saving the cost on Ariel and wooing audience on the name of rain dance.
3.What is the average cost of Gulal:It mite just cost more than a condom..I think
4.Then y dont they play in Chennai:Reason has been mentioned above,not that TN is money stricken but the thing that captain has attributed Gulal as the secret for his Kashmir Apple colour,the ppl of chennai have started to throw mud on each other as a sign of playing holi
5.What would happen if I drank the holi water:You would become as smart as captain..so dont try it
6.Why do people play holi:In india you do not need reasons for celebrations..but historians the festival was celebrated to mark the release the world famous newspaer Deccan Chronicle which carried the following as its headlines in the opening edition "Boy and Pig have sex - A snake called Anaconda is born"
7.What is Baang:Oh no how did I ever forget to mention this....
I dont know if I got the speeling of Baang of rite but I know for sure what it can do.Baang is one of those queer Indian preparations which is considered divine on the day of holi and illegal during the rest of the year.A holi without Baang is like Morse Code without dots and dashes.It's suposed to contain some narcotics bundles along with badam and pista.It gives such an effect that you can count the bones in your spine forward when you look down.Another practise which took place was the holika.It was the bonfire.As holi generallz arrived in the mid of march in Hzd generallz things start to get heated up at that time.So u feel like a fool going around those fires and feel even more hot.Well in my flats there were so many people that there was a mad scramble for the holika.Rest assured that we would either put out the flames by our collective stink or someones balls would go for a roast.There are many stories about Baang.But the one which always comes to my mind is the one that happened at my hostel.My friend irrespective of my warnings had 2 balls of baang and was rendered into a bumbling bag of laughable shit.He kept smiling and laughing as if he had won the Olympic medal for India.But gosh he dint stop with that.He went to the loo all alone...well thats what he does generally but on that special day he was so attracted by the floors of the hostel bathroom that he decided to fall flat on his face thinking he could balance himself like Rajnikanth..but alas he lost a tooth.In memory of that incident we dug up a grave and put to rest his tooth that had suffered all these years .Whenever he smiled it looked like a check post with only one-half blocked and the remaining empty.It looked like a cave with Stalagmites and stalagtides.And he was compared with one tooth monsters and it was like a bridge for air to go in.He had a real chance of being the only human to carry an extra channel to take in air.But inspite of our requests he got himself a dupicate which is as good as a chewing gum.And baang has this strange thing of making a person do the same thing in a loop.Imagine if Sunny deol had baang my god he would uttering Pakistan Murdabad and keep screaming through the night.As to what I did this holi I played a bit at office until the security had to come over and politely inform us that this a S/W firm not some playground.Well we S/W guys are one unprivileged class...Happy belated holi...
cheers
ashwin
There was this religious practise of filling up balloons with coloured water and firing it like missiles all around the place from my terrace.If it hit someone u would have to encounter pleasantries even though it was holi.So the safest persons to hit were the dogs and the buffaloes.Many guys had this vision of turning Shahrukh on the day of holi.Some of them would plan extremely brilliant things like using the gulal as sindoor thinking they would win over their girl in the heat of the moment.He He..it never got anywere.It ended up only in a tight slap.But the beauty was you could apply some more and shout holi haii..no one were left with answers for these antics.It was a rule that none should be spared and one could see many people transforming into cartoon figures.If you are as smart as vijaykanth then god save you..sorry even holi cant affect such people.Their tales of valour and courage are well known.People keep asking why holi isnt played with the same fervour in Tamilnadu.There was a time when people used to play holi even there with the same intensity.But on one holi Vijaykanth a.k.a Captain decided to hit the streets.And guess what he drank what ever was sprayed at him.It still remains a world record for drinking 5 million gallons of coloured water in a day spread across a state.The previous record was held by J.Jayalalitha who drank a record 3.5 million gallons.She says thats the reason she's so slim.No wonder people out there dont play holi that much 'cos before they start playing everything is over.So to beat JJ's record was quite some achievement.When asked about how he managed to acheive such a colossol feat all he had to say was it was just like drinking Madras Municipal Corporation water+Rasna..wow that was real cool..he even added the secret of his colour was holii..sorry for deviating from the topic.But for those of you who do not know who captain is,he is the 3rd biggest comedian in the Indian Film Industry.The first one being Mithun and the second Sunny Deol.Deol edges out captain for the sole reson that he remakes captains films in Hindi.
Here are some FAQ's on holi..
1. What is a Pichkaari:It is a very sophisticated instrument developed in the early 18th century
for injecting an elephants ass.It wasnt very useful there so people decided to use it here but even its time is running out as Captain proved it impotent
2.Why every Hindi movie has a Holi Song:The basic thing is everyone wants to enjoy the director the hero the heroine so wen u have a holi song in the name of colours they end up doing Raam Jaane..and if the director is someone like Subash Ghai he would have a rain dance to wipe all the colours off,the reason being simple.He neednt wash all those clothes hence saving the cost on Ariel and wooing audience on the name of rain dance.
3.What is the average cost of Gulal:It mite just cost more than a condom..I think
4.Then y dont they play in Chennai:Reason has been mentioned above,not that TN is money stricken but the thing that captain has attributed Gulal as the secret for his Kashmir Apple colour,the ppl of chennai have started to throw mud on each other as a sign of playing holi
5.What would happen if I drank the holi water:You would become as smart as captain..so dont try it
6.Why do people play holi:In india you do not need reasons for celebrations..but historians the festival was celebrated to mark the release the world famous newspaer Deccan Chronicle which carried the following as its headlines in the opening edition "Boy and Pig have sex - A snake called Anaconda is born"
7.What is Baang:Oh no how did I ever forget to mention this....
I dont know if I got the speeling of Baang of rite but I know for sure what it can do.Baang is one of those queer Indian preparations which is considered divine on the day of holi and illegal during the rest of the year.A holi without Baang is like Morse Code without dots and dashes.It's suposed to contain some narcotics bundles along with badam and pista.It gives such an effect that you can count the bones in your spine forward when you look down.Another practise which took place was the holika.It was the bonfire.As holi generallz arrived in the mid of march in Hzd generallz things start to get heated up at that time.So u feel like a fool going around those fires and feel even more hot.Well in my flats there were so many people that there was a mad scramble for the holika.Rest assured that we would either put out the flames by our collective stink or someones balls would go for a roast.There are many stories about Baang.But the one which always comes to my mind is the one that happened at my hostel.My friend irrespective of my warnings had 2 balls of baang and was rendered into a bumbling bag of laughable shit.He kept smiling and laughing as if he had won the Olympic medal for India.But gosh he dint stop with that.He went to the loo all alone...well thats what he does generally but on that special day he was so attracted by the floors of the hostel bathroom that he decided to fall flat on his face thinking he could balance himself like Rajnikanth..but alas he lost a tooth.In memory of that incident we dug up a grave and put to rest his tooth that had suffered all these years .Whenever he smiled it looked like a check post with only one-half blocked and the remaining empty.It looked like a cave with Stalagmites and stalagtides.And he was compared with one tooth monsters and it was like a bridge for air to go in.He had a real chance of being the only human to carry an extra channel to take in air.But inspite of our requests he got himself a dupicate which is as good as a chewing gum.And baang has this strange thing of making a person do the same thing in a loop.Imagine if Sunny deol had baang my god he would uttering Pakistan Murdabad and keep screaming through the night.As to what I did this holi I played a bit at office until the security had to come over and politely inform us that this a S/W firm not some playground.Well we S/W guys are one unprivileged class...Happy belated holi...
cheers
ashwin
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Valentine's Day
Again and again this is that day of the year which I always hope hopen against.Now to all those saints who are just blinking like a new born kid,lemme tell you today is a very holy day in the Indian calendar.This is the day when Shani sits on the top of Rahu and Kethu.This happens only on this day.People take to the streets and sing hymns,bhajans and pray for more such days,especially the youth.Just kidding.No need for any grand introductions I guess.Today is another valentine's day.I dont know which one,I mean I do not know the number but according to some classified reports it is still behind the no of episodes of Ekta Kapoor's K serials.Well today is one day when I reflect generally on life.The years that have gone by and the sense of being a spectator again.But this is real cool you can watch all the action free of cost.No loss No gain.This was the day when I somehow managed to find myself alone.All around the city I can see red balloons floating everywhere.I dont know how people on this very day get so fascinated by balloons especially red ones.In all the excitement building up to this day and everything gets settled they forget to use the balloons recommended by the govt.Man how long can you blame the govt?Even they are trying their best.Initially they thought of passing a bill which prohibits selling of balloons on this day 'cos their were reports that all the MIG's were crashing specificallly only on the 14th of feb.I dont know the Rang De team could missed such a vital stat.But their were repulsions all over the country against it,strikes bigger than the one's in RDB.So the govt was forced to drop this move.The last time I saw so many balloons on one day was when Sonia Gandhi came to Hyderabad for the congress session.
Everywhere you go all you can see are those heart shaped balloons.I dont know who was that idiot who ever gave heart such a shape.Just walking down the pavement one can see those innumerable couples hand in hand talking ear 2 ear n god knows wat and wat not.Well I can understand their situation.Imagine they had to sit at home and they switch on the tv and all they can watch anywhere is Gay sex lover Karan Johar's endless love sagas Kuch Kuch Hota Hai,Kal Ho Naa Ho and not to forget yash chopra's contribution to all this his endless list of AMAR PREM kahanis like DDLJ,Veer Zaara were the hero heroine continuously cry and in the process so much of Phlegm is seen flowing from their nose that they clutch each other at the sight of Phlegm flowing and clean it with their bare hands.Wow wat a touching scene...this is real love..the Phlegm is the turning point in all shahrukh movies.He has got loads of them and can release it anytime like a dam for Yash Chopra and Gay sex hero.According to classified reports Yash Chopra was the one who caught hold of this talent of Shahrukh.During the shooting of Darr there was a scene in which blood had to flow out of Shahrukh's nose to show him like a Psychopath but instead guess wat flowed?And as they say the rest is history.Shahrukh went on to do great things without a handkerchief.Man imagine with such showings on all hindi channels wat else do they do.Instead of watching that they better move out and help guys like us.Us is meant for people who are working,working so much that their work is getting as tight as their pants and ever increasing waistline does not help one's cause for such occasions.
There are certain rules and regulations one needs to follow on such momentous occasions.I vividly remember my V-days at college.It was the first year of my engineering and I wud like everyone of you to believe that I was a kid then and I had no knowledge about this fantasy world of valentines.I had worn Black and Black on that day and attended college.I still remember he lecture I got from my prof.I was taken aback by the resounding lecture I got,not only me everyone were 'cos everyone had worn peculiar colours that day.It was later that we realised that the prof. was setting his sights on a girl in our class.Well I was the sacrificial lamb that day.He had become a hero and I as always zero.It was later in the day that I came to know that each colour meant something and it was more complex than spectral analysis of white light.Here you go
Blue - Already loving someone but wud be still willing when my partner isnt around
Red - Single and more than willing to mingle
Green - I am a vegetarian and love nature..sorry I am available to everyone(sounds like chameli)
White - It stands for peace meaning I am not for anything 'cos I cant shag or do anything man.I am a mix of Karan Johar and Elton John
Yellow - I love the colour of shit..so I dont take all this shit..friendship
Black - I will fall only for a person who is deaf,dumb and blind and one who walks on hands and legs.. I only believe in animal sex
Hey do not categorise me in that Black section..I was innocent at that point in my love life.Wat if someone wore white and black?I will have sex with a bull.I guess all this has got to do with the Romans for a change.Somehow they started to celebrate this in the memory of Sage Valentine.It's good that the Romans started this because for everything we keep blaming Pakistan.India's population is ever increasing and reason..this is the work of the ISI who are spreading their wings and Legs and blah blah...Well in between all this on V-day there will be another big comedy unfolding.This would be mainly at Mumbai.I can bet on anything on the world that the most despo people in the world will have to be the Shiv Senaites.They wud be vandalising Mcdonald's year after year and no one even gives a damn.Mcdonalds himself allocates some glasses and tables so that they can break it withou any fuss.Poor guys why dont they understand girls will not give into Bhaashans on being a true Maratha Warrior.Poor fellows end up showing all their frustration on already broken tables.Guess I am more or less behaving like an idiot who has not got his share of glory.Just a feeling of myn that you neednt have a specific day to feel your love or tell someone about it.Anyday would do.But for all those people who have booked tables and got chocolates for your dear ones....have a blast.......Happy Valentine's day...... Take her to a nice place..good restaurant dim lights and jazz music..get a good gift..and get ready to burn money and most important dont use any of those lines from Shahrukh's movies... and yeah dont forget the roses especially the Red one's 'cos those are the only one's they sell today.As to what I would be doing today there is always a Sunny Deol movie on T.V. No matter what ever the occasion he would be fighting terrorists.His latest movie has a plot in which Pakistan Jasoos plan to strike at all clubs and parks which are hosting V-day celebrations.He has to foil it and keep up the good work and so do I.
Cheers
ashwin
P.S:- Plannin to ask my Dad to take my Mom out.I guess I already got the answer.
Everywhere you go all you can see are those heart shaped balloons.I dont know who was that idiot who ever gave heart such a shape.Just walking down the pavement one can see those innumerable couples hand in hand talking ear 2 ear n god knows wat and wat not.Well I can understand their situation.Imagine they had to sit at home and they switch on the tv and all they can watch anywhere is Gay sex lover Karan Johar's endless love sagas Kuch Kuch Hota Hai,Kal Ho Naa Ho and not to forget yash chopra's contribution to all this his endless list of AMAR PREM kahanis like DDLJ,Veer Zaara were the hero heroine continuously cry and in the process so much of Phlegm is seen flowing from their nose that they clutch each other at the sight of Phlegm flowing and clean it with their bare hands.Wow wat a touching scene...this is real love..the Phlegm is the turning point in all shahrukh movies.He has got loads of them and can release it anytime like a dam for Yash Chopra and Gay sex hero.According to classified reports Yash Chopra was the one who caught hold of this talent of Shahrukh.During the shooting of Darr there was a scene in which blood had to flow out of Shahrukh's nose to show him like a Psychopath but instead guess wat flowed?And as they say the rest is history.Shahrukh went on to do great things without a handkerchief.Man imagine with such showings on all hindi channels wat else do they do.Instead of watching that they better move out and help guys like us.Us is meant for people who are working,working so much that their work is getting as tight as their pants and ever increasing waistline does not help one's cause for such occasions.
There are certain rules and regulations one needs to follow on such momentous occasions.I vividly remember my V-days at college.It was the first year of my engineering and I wud like everyone of you to believe that I was a kid then and I had no knowledge about this fantasy world of valentines.I had worn Black and Black on that day and attended college.I still remember he lecture I got from my prof.I was taken aback by the resounding lecture I got,not only me everyone were 'cos everyone had worn peculiar colours that day.It was later that we realised that the prof. was setting his sights on a girl in our class.Well I was the sacrificial lamb that day.He had become a hero and I as always zero.It was later in the day that I came to know that each colour meant something and it was more complex than spectral analysis of white light.Here you go
Blue - Already loving someone but wud be still willing when my partner isnt around
Red - Single and more than willing to mingle
Green - I am a vegetarian and love nature..sorry I am available to everyone(sounds like chameli)
White - It stands for peace meaning I am not for anything 'cos I cant shag or do anything man.I am a mix of Karan Johar and Elton John
Yellow - I love the colour of shit..so I dont take all this shit..friendship
Black - I will fall only for a person who is deaf,dumb and blind and one who walks on hands and legs.. I only believe in animal sex
Hey do not categorise me in that Black section..I was innocent at that point in my love life.Wat if someone wore white and black?I will have sex with a bull.I guess all this has got to do with the Romans for a change.Somehow they started to celebrate this in the memory of Sage Valentine.It's good that the Romans started this because for everything we keep blaming Pakistan.India's population is ever increasing and reason..this is the work of the ISI who are spreading their wings and Legs and blah blah...Well in between all this on V-day there will be another big comedy unfolding.This would be mainly at Mumbai.I can bet on anything on the world that the most despo people in the world will have to be the Shiv Senaites.They wud be vandalising Mcdonald's year after year and no one even gives a damn.Mcdonalds himself allocates some glasses and tables so that they can break it withou any fuss.Poor guys why dont they understand girls will not give into Bhaashans on being a true Maratha Warrior.Poor fellows end up showing all their frustration on already broken tables.Guess I am more or less behaving like an idiot who has not got his share of glory.Just a feeling of myn that you neednt have a specific day to feel your love or tell someone about it.Anyday would do.But for all those people who have booked tables and got chocolates for your dear ones....have a blast.......Happy Valentine's day...... Take her to a nice place..good restaurant dim lights and jazz music..get a good gift..and get ready to burn money and most important dont use any of those lines from Shahrukh's movies... and yeah dont forget the roses especially the Red one's 'cos those are the only one's they sell today.As to what I would be doing today there is always a Sunny Deol movie on T.V. No matter what ever the occasion he would be fighting terrorists.His latest movie has a plot in which Pakistan Jasoos plan to strike at all clubs and parks which are hosting V-day celebrations.He has to foil it and keep up the good work and so do I.
Cheers
ashwin
P.S:- Plannin to ask my Dad to take my Mom out.I guess I already got the answer.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Offers galore
Long time it's been I guess.I am finding it tough to put in words.Now I can feel how Ganguly feels each time he goes in to bat.It's been nearly 45 days since I have written any of my usual crap.Here I am again having broken my self imposed exile from the writing world.Well to say the least lots of things have happened.Another year has gone by,but this was the first I took a resolution and even managed to achieve it on the 1st of Jan itself.Had a good clean haircut.The barber was of the opinion that there was enough hair on my head to build a nest.In between all this I was fortunate to watch a spectacle called Rang De Basanti.I had a great experience just watching the movie.No words would be enough I guess to describe the movie.And yes let me tell you the joke of the year so far.
Fact:Jayasurya was ruled out from the newzealand tour
Joke:He slipped in the bathroom while trying to shampoo a vastly uncultivated piece of land-his barren head..LOL the moment I heard this news I was in splits.He deserved to slip and fall I guess.May be from now even shampoos will have statutory warnings:Do not apply to bald head.
There has been a spurt of offers recently at all the shopping malls in Hyderabad.You can find all these advertisements,hoardings and all such stuff saying so and so discount and blah blah.I was always scared of this word 'upto'.Anywere I see "Discount upto 50%" outside any shopping mall,I manage to tell myself "Do not go in and make a fool out of yourself".Reason is they would give you 50% discount on undies and stinking socks and there would be 5% discount on a cool denim jacket.See this leads to potentially disastrous situations.But what if you saw a sign "Flat 50% off".Man I almost jumped when my friend told me about this offer.And guess what the offer was on Pepe.The offer was at country club,Begumpet.Man I was already thinking of getting couple a cool denims and was even planning to get my brother one.We reached the place and we were delighted seeing the collection.Add to the delight it was siesta time so not many people fooling around.We were left to ourselves.There were jeans of the cost 899 and I was like wow,after discount only 450 bucks.But to my dismay there was no changing room.There clothes and clothes around,no place to change.That was the time I thought of those golden days when my waist was a strict 30 and I could confidently pick anything and keep moving.Now alas it is 34 and still showing no signs of stopping.So to my extreme discomfort ,on the suggestion of the brain dead owner I decided to try that jeans standing behind a bench.The thing was htere were no females until that point.The moment I striiped myself and had the Pepe one on,yo out of the blue there stepped in 2 damsels.God it was a horrible position to be in.The shop owner asking me to somehow strip the Pepe off and me caught between shyness and shame.It is exactly at such kinda moments that girls start talking about lemonade and serials.This is what exactly happened.
Owner:Sir plzz theeyandi sir...theeyandi maane remove in telugu(In a hushed tone)
Me:Hey boss paanch minute dhenaa..plzzz mere baap
Owner:5 more minutes u wear that u have to pay for it
Me:Un ladikiyo ko jaane de..mein tere liye nangaa naach bhi karronga..paanch minute mere baap
In the mean time I was standing like a japanese flowervase and cursing myself and the owner.These girls wont leave.They called another female and told her to rush down immediately to country club..Oh god I started visualising myself like a male strip dancer in a all women's club..And at last they moved out and I have never seized an opportunity as gladly ever in my life.Well this was not the end of it.And after regaining lost ground and getting back my composure I asked the owner to get the bill.Those females were watching and with all my grace I asked the owner"U accept card kyaa?".The owner replied in the affirmative.As he was about to scratch the card on the machine something caught my eye.The bill was reading 1798 only.WTF was goin on I only took 2 jeans.I managed to stop the owner and I told him the bill was wrong.It was then that idiot explained to me that the price was 899 after the discount.Oh god another embarassment before the fairer sex.Well this has always been the case.I learnt a lesson I guess girls and offers are never lucky for me.And when together-Dont read it girls for offer or girls on offer they are always elusive....
P.S:Will write something better the next time,now that valentine's day is approaching
ashwin
Fact:Jayasurya was ruled out from the newzealand tour
Joke:He slipped in the bathroom while trying to shampoo a vastly uncultivated piece of land-his barren head..LOL the moment I heard this news I was in splits.He deserved to slip and fall I guess.May be from now even shampoos will have statutory warnings:Do not apply to bald head.
There has been a spurt of offers recently at all the shopping malls in Hyderabad.You can find all these advertisements,hoardings and all such stuff saying so and so discount and blah blah.I was always scared of this word 'upto'.Anywere I see "Discount upto 50%" outside any shopping mall,I manage to tell myself "Do not go in and make a fool out of yourself".Reason is they would give you 50% discount on undies and stinking socks and there would be 5% discount on a cool denim jacket.See this leads to potentially disastrous situations.But what if you saw a sign "Flat 50% off".Man I almost jumped when my friend told me about this offer.And guess what the offer was on Pepe.The offer was at country club,Begumpet.Man I was already thinking of getting couple a cool denims and was even planning to get my brother one.We reached the place and we were delighted seeing the collection.Add to the delight it was siesta time so not many people fooling around.We were left to ourselves.There were jeans of the cost 899 and I was like wow,after discount only 450 bucks.But to my dismay there was no changing room.There clothes and clothes around,no place to change.That was the time I thought of those golden days when my waist was a strict 30 and I could confidently pick anything and keep moving.Now alas it is 34 and still showing no signs of stopping.So to my extreme discomfort ,on the suggestion of the brain dead owner I decided to try that jeans standing behind a bench.The thing was htere were no females until that point.The moment I striiped myself and had the Pepe one on,yo out of the blue there stepped in 2 damsels.God it was a horrible position to be in.The shop owner asking me to somehow strip the Pepe off and me caught between shyness and shame.It is exactly at such kinda moments that girls start talking about lemonade and serials.This is what exactly happened.
Owner:Sir plzz theeyandi sir...theeyandi maane remove in telugu(In a hushed tone)
Me:Hey boss paanch minute dhenaa..plzzz mere baap
Owner:5 more minutes u wear that u have to pay for it
Me:Un ladikiyo ko jaane de..mein tere liye nangaa naach bhi karronga..paanch minute mere baap
In the mean time I was standing like a japanese flowervase and cursing myself and the owner.These girls wont leave.They called another female and told her to rush down immediately to country club..Oh god I started visualising myself like a male strip dancer in a all women's club..And at last they moved out and I have never seized an opportunity as gladly ever in my life.Well this was not the end of it.And after regaining lost ground and getting back my composure I asked the owner to get the bill.Those females were watching and with all my grace I asked the owner"U accept card kyaa?".The owner replied in the affirmative.As he was about to scratch the card on the machine something caught my eye.The bill was reading 1798 only.WTF was goin on I only took 2 jeans.I managed to stop the owner and I told him the bill was wrong.It was then that idiot explained to me that the price was 899 after the discount.Oh god another embarassment before the fairer sex.Well this has always been the case.I learnt a lesson I guess girls and offers are never lucky for me.And when together-Dont read it girls for offer or girls on offer they are always elusive....
P.S:Will write something better the next time,now that valentine's day is approaching
ashwin
Sunday, December 25, 2005
IRIS
Puzzles,crypts,deciphering,decoding,google,imdb,freinds help.. these are the only things that I've been doing since friday.I must really thank my friend Sriram for asking me to try these puzzles or in the sense the klueLESS competiton of IIM Indore.I will tell you what exactly it is.It has 30 stages.I have given you the biggest clue 'cos I dint know how many were ther while I was doing.It was jus like walking on a highway without wearing my spex.There are clues given on the page in form of pictures or the clues are hidden in the source of the Internet explorer page.Dont worry all these things will be there in rules.It took whole of friday and friday nite upto late 3:30 in the morning and I finished it by 11 p.m. on saturday.No wonder I slept the whole day yesterday.Here's the link
http://www.iimi-iris.com/iris/irising/klueLESS
I dont have anything to write now or discuss with you.Try that link it's a really amazing one.U have to find the clues and type it in the address bar or proceed according to the information on the page.So all u people if anyone reading this page try it n if you are one of those who are ready for the battle go ahead it's real fun n any clues bank on me to give some.
signing off
ashwin
http://www.iimi-iris.com/iris/irising/klueLESS
I dont have anything to write now or discuss with you.Try that link it's a really amazing one.U have to find the clues and type it in the address bar or proceed according to the information on the page.So all u people if anyone reading this page try it n if you are one of those who are ready for the battle go ahead it's real fun n any clues bank on me to give some.
signing off
ashwin
Sunday, December 11, 2005
WEEKEND MUSINGS
Something was troubling me throughout the day.I was feeling uneasy and restless.No I did not Pee in my pants,it's the sort of feeling when am not able to recollect something which had taken place.And there it came to me like a flash.It struck me as a jolt.How cud I ever forget this?Immediately I rummaged The Hindu and to my surprise I found nothing.Mebbe it cud've escaped my blind eyes but am pretty sure there was nothing mentioned.I did not find the sunday magazine to have a thorough check but according to what dad had said it seemed that it wasnt mentioned even there.Bunch of jokers I guess the media has become.As Aamir Khan rightly pointed out there is room only for sensationalism and nothing else.So wat if anyone mentioned or not am not gonna wait anymore.So I thought, make use of Online Journalism available to you and that's what am doing right now.It was exactly an year before, not exactly 365 but 366 days to be precise,on the 11th of december 2004 that the Nightingale - M.S.Subbulakshmi or MS as she is fondly called passed away.It really hurts me now that I was very near to the place of her death - Isabel Hospital in Mylapore and I dint even go to the hospital to pay my homages.Not that she was expecting me 2 do it.I was doing the Clean ur ass after u shit routine.Ya u got it rite,it was my final year project which was supposed to break laws of computational science but ended no where.Coming back to the matter at hand I was shocked at that moment when she passed away because me and my friends considered her as the near thing to perfection.She was a Saint and a Queen bundled into one and add to that a voice that could make u hang like a raindrop on the tenterhooks of a slanting roof.Such was the mesmerising effect her voice had the world over.No wonder Gandhi proclaimed her voice as the next best thing after freedom.My father was the person who introduced me to this world of declared divinty.He was a very big fan of MS and it was natural that even I started to listen to her songs.I think lots of credit must go to her for introducing Carnatic Music to the world when she sang at the UN convention I think in 1967.Even today her Vaishnava Janato and Bhaja Govindam cud make you sway.How cruel that such a person was initially not even given state honours after her death.Only when the President said that he wud be flying to Chennai did they make all arrangements in a hurry.One could argue that Sachin on saturday had bowled over India and the newspapers dont need a second invitation to publish news as sensational as this but a small column atleast cud've been devoted to her.Well who am I to blame everyone?I myself remembered this yesterday nite and the same thing might have happened elsewhere.But lets see if anyone else takes the cue from me and does something.A person who has been awarded the Padma Bhushan,Padma Vibushan and Bharath Ratna cannot be forgotten so easily.
But weekend was real fun.I found that there is something better than the combo of Vodka and Floyd.Vodka and Pulikaachal is woooooow.I guess I can start writing a book now.And for those who are wonder wat on earth is Pulikaachal(in Tamil) it is the paste u use to prepare Pulihora or Imli rice.Am not getting the name in english damn.Had couple of gulps and was in wonderland for a long time.The last thing you can ask a drunkard is "Tell me Wat happened Exactly yesterday Nite?".But this combo man I can never forget I suppose.After getting up we decided to watch Ek Ajnabee and I had to use all my fucked up persuasive skills to get Venkat to watch the movie.He was really irritating me and was behaving like a mom who had to urgently breastfeed her child.Somehow we managed to get hold of the tickets and even though I knew it was a remake of Man On Fire I wanted to watch it as the promos were very slick.And yaa AB dint disappoint anyone.He is simply mindblowing in the movie and the kid is even more better.Arjun Rampal tries to act very cool but cannot just make it.But you see these Hindi films they cannot even make a copy.They would try to prove their intelligence and somewere down the line they wud screw the movie.The second half is a bit of a drag but AB makes it up.Classic eg of AB bigger than the movie.Anyways worth a watch.I got hold of a book called Vernon God Little.
But weekend was real fun.I found that there is something better than the combo of Vodka and Floyd.Vodka and Pulikaachal is woooooow.I guess I can start writing a book now.And for those who are wonder wat on earth is Pulikaachal(in Tamil) it is the paste u use to prepare Pulihora or Imli rice.Am not getting the name in english damn.Had couple of gulps and was in wonderland for a long time.The last thing you can ask a drunkard is "Tell me Wat happened Exactly yesterday Nite?".But this combo man I can never forget I suppose.After getting up we decided to watch Ek Ajnabee and I had to use all my fucked up persuasive skills to get Venkat to watch the movie.He was really irritating me and was behaving like a mom who had to urgently breastfeed her child.Somehow we managed to get hold of the tickets and even though I knew it was a remake of Man On Fire I wanted to watch it as the promos were very slick.And yaa AB dint disappoint anyone.He is simply mindblowing in the movie and the kid is even more better.Arjun Rampal tries to act very cool but cannot just make it.But you see these Hindi films they cannot even make a copy.They would try to prove their intelligence and somewere down the line they wud screw the movie.The second half is a bit of a drag but AB makes it up.Classic eg of AB bigger than the movie.Anyways worth a watch.I got hold of a book called Vernon God Little.
It won the Booker Prize in 2003 and man it sure rocks.My friend Vijay was the person who always spoke about that book and when he speaks about something highly it's definitely worth it.There's a story to the author of this book- DBC Pierre.Vijay told me DBC stands for Dirty But Clean.This guy was a big time drug addict and one day found himself fallen near some dustbin and the typical case of no money but hungry.The he had realised how low he had stooped in life and now look he has written one of the best books I've rad so far.Must match with Catch22,no 2 steps below that.I havent finished it but it's brilliant to say in the least.Hope the ending doesnt get screwed up like One night @ call center.Anyways do listen to MS songs.Every song will be a new experience.
P.S:- It's Thalaivar's Bithday,as he is called.So happy b'day Rajnikanth.
ashwin
Sunday, December 04, 2005
THE MIDDLE FINGER
How does it feel staring straight into this?It has hurt the pride n ego of many.Well the finger I have shown I mean the foto it is pretty small but the picture is bigger than that.We have seen many pictures of this all over the place.Be it on television or on a t-shirt it has caught the imagination as well as caysed outrage.I donno wat exactly it means now.Has many meanings,the primary one being fuck off or in the sense is used as the best humiliating weapon.It has become a sort of a tradition starting rite from skools where it is fashionable to show off ur middle finger and utter the f word.There was this incident regarding a girl at my bro's skool related to the middle finger.It seems a busty girl at my bro's skool had been the centre of attraction and for some unknown reason which I do not want to dwell upon was named CHAMELI.And guys do not need an initiative to call girls by names and there u go in the middle of the class some hero shouted "CHAMELI" and poor girl in a fit of rage showed the middle finger to the boy.LOL the boy was embarassed beyond words n the funnier thing was the teacher in the class had noticed wat had happened.And there u go here was one female who dint know wat it was n to the amusement of everyone she asked "wat does it mean?".Well all of u at some point wud've seen something as funny as this or even funnier.
But the thing is is pointing the middle finger a show of arrogance or contempt or a sign of sexual abuse or any other crap?Giving the finger was also known as "giving the bird".It was seen as the flight of the bird or something by the greeks and the bird was considered as an aggressive cut down.Any perverts like me who have stayed in a hostel wud've had the misfortune of watching a shitting,psycho adult movie called Caligula.Oops am revealing too many things about myself.It is about the roman emperor Caligula a pioneer in perversity who shocked his citizens and those watching the movie by asking his followers to kiss his middle finger and finally was assasinated by one of his subjects.Gees enuf of Caligula n perverse stuff but as a contradiction to it the church always frowned on the use of the middle finger as a perverse symbol 'cos it was considered holy during the mass.There was that other story about French soldiers expecting to win ,planned to cut the middle fingers of all captured British soldiers in order to stop them from drawing their famed English longbow.Much to the French astonishment the Englishmen won the war and began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at the defeated French.Now the finger is making headlines again due to our Indian coach Greg Chappell.I feel he was damn right in showing that finger to the Calcutta crowd which booed their own players.Well many feel he was not right n stuff but I sincerely hope he isnt punished for this 'cos I remember Saurav doing the same to a group of Australian supporters after India won a match there.Now I guess it's an Australians turn to show the same finger at the Kolkata public.Just c the impact,when the finger viewed on a wide range it can be quite devastating and LOL the Indian team manager, some wing commander guy told that chappell's finger was injured.Holy crap no wonder he is the manager. Remember that scene in LAGAAN where Aamir n his colleagues look up 2 the skies when the umpire raises his dreaded finger.Well that wud be quite a sught if all the umpires lift their middle fingers up.It wud create quite a ruckus I guess because ppl wud be guessing is he giving someone out or is he fingering the batsman or the bowler?Even better imagine when someone hits a six the umpire wud gloriously raise both hands and as if 1 wasnt enuf u wud c 2 there.Cricket wud definitely turn into a spectacle like football shud someone try all this.
The better eg of these happenings are Rose giving the finger to a certain Jack in Titanic.Better than these I will show u I have a couple of snaps of them.Here u go.
This was vice-president Nelson Rockefeller during his speech against some Senator I guess and the next yaa u shud've guessed none other than our smelly armpit George Bush.
The finger seems to be longer than his face.But the thing that was guessed at that time was Nelson was in first stages of Dementia and so that cud've been the reason for him 2 act so aggresively.But he died 2 yrs later.Same thing can be said about Bush, but the only difference is after 2 yrs he went on to become the US president.Irony I guess any finger poking asshole goes on to rule the world.Guess Laalu shud start following this in Bihar.He mite win the next election.And Mr.Bean is another eg at giving the middle finger but his misgivings bring a smile on ur face when u watch his funny antics.Some guy showed the finger to some judge and was sent behind the bars.Well all this middle finger concept,it being so intelligent cud've been only started by the Americans.None can beat us in giving gaalis Teri maaki.Hmm v Indians scold only the women I never heard theri baapki or something.It's only that men alone use this even women I have seen some use the same Maakiii,so yaa u got it right v Indians do not discriminate. But when it comes to shit,tits n fingers none 2 beat the Americans I guess.They r the best users of anything perverse.Pulp Fiction one of the all time best movies holds the distinction of using nax no of Mother F***** in a movie but I dont remember cing a finger there.And one middle finger which has still captured the imagination is this one
Guess whose it is?It is none other than than the Great Mathematician Galelio Galelei.Its been preserved till date in some museum in Italy.Some wierdy Bastard tore off the finger from his body but it's fitting that Galelio is still showing the finger to those who doubted that sun was the centre and earth revolved around it.As Chetan Bhagat puts it the Ultimate Indian male fantasy wud be to crack the skull of his boss but I think it wud be even better if v gave them the finger.Hey dont try it even if ur even remotely inspired by this inspid post.Before u give the finger to me I'll end this.
signing off
ashwin
Saturday, December 03, 2005
USELESS
I've been feeling pretty low in life.I have been writing lost in love poems,was watchin dud cricket matches,tried washin my clothes landed up being unsuccessful in that too.These days my favourite Ad on tv is Tata AIG Life Insurance,not because it is very creative or anything.It is jus that I have got tired of working in jus 4 months in an IT industry.Am already planning to retire.I have been consulting various people on how I should invest my savings of 350 bucks so that I can live peacefully after retiring.Well they all were unanimous in their reply - DADDY is the only solution.Seriously saving is tough n trying 2 save sucks.Well even though I am having a tough time at the office doing really difficult things like gobbling up sandwiches,presing Ctrl+Alt+Del on regular basis,cheking the charge on my mob every second,going to the rest room and shaking my hair n combing it again,calling up mom n asking her wats for dinner n lots a other things.But the thing which puts me apart from the rest is I have so many b'ful chicks earning hot cash by showing off their various skills at my office.There r 2 many 2 even count but alas cannot even speak 2 them.No am not dumb or anything.But the law of inverse proportions plays a significant part here.The law states that the better or the more b'ful category of girls wud always be with the lower or ugly proportion of the opposite sex.Boy many a time has my heart wailed,my ass burnt,all inner coals have been lighted when I c the usual scene happening.
There wud b that pretty beautiful gal standing across the cafeteria n I wud be in a vantage position to catch all her emotions n there out of n where like sunny deols dialogues at unwanted times,well his films itself suck so his dialogues too wud.Yaa out of no where this shame on the term "greek god" wud appear n walk away with her.Well that law has a flaw.Obvious the most handsome guy wud be with the most b'ful gal 'cos its a matter of prestige.But these gals they wud be both of them.Pretty intelligent females these section of b'ful gals are.They get 2 know sides of the coin called Manhood.But alas the ok category like me are ignored n stamped upon with ruthless akin 2 the Australian cricket side.And that 2 a south Indian guy n in that subset a Tamilian n in that subset of subset an iyer n in that dropdown listbox category of iyers - boy with braces n add 2 that a spex.Wow wat a sexy resume to impress a female.Now guys in this category find it the hardest 2 even get 2 smell the scent of a woman.The best possible thing for him 2 do is try a south Indian iyer female.That cud be acheived if:-
1.Highly qualified if not atleast more qualified than the female
2. In a good job n earning well
3. Doing Sandhyavandhanam on a regular basis
4.Should love vadumaanga n thairsaadam
Well the only thing going in my favour is the 4 point vadumaanga is a pickle and thair saadham is curd rice.All these females esp. good looking ones have this amazing memory in terms of mugging things through out their life n end up earning degrees bigger than their names esp. tamil iyer ones.I donno how their memory goes weak wen they act as if they dint recognise an ok looking fellow.And north indian females no chance,forget it.They r the strangest creations on earth.They will be with the rowdys gang only.They have this urge 2 make headlines n the way they can do it is to hang out with these so called dudes,not with thair sadhams.If anyone of these females by chance started to speak ur hindi skills will be put to extreme test 'cos they will not utter a word of english.And at that supreme moment a tamilian in his unimitable tamil accent wud be caught red handed n dutifully be shown the exit.Or even by chance u pass all these AgniParikshas,1 month before Raakhi itself u will be called Bhaiya n u wud revel in the glory of brotherhood.By the way any north indian female thinking of me,I have managed to get a list of things am useless at.Here I go:-
1.Using the comp n especially installing windows n using Microsoft applications.
2.Washing my clothes without tearing and bleaching them
3.Drinking water from a glass without spilling it on myself n guess were the water falls.... egzactly
4.Eating apples without breaking my braces
5.Trying to act like a seasoned IT pro
6.Driving bikes without the engine getting turned off atleast once... I drive Scooty also the same way In gearless case I fall down n make up for the engine loss
7.Athletics r for those who want 2 feel instant death,I was a record holder in Lemon n Spoon
8.Hopeless at Academics the only thing I remember till date is Pythagoras theorem 'cos once wrote 150 times imposition n had 2 repeat it for writing it 5 times wrong during the first imposition.
9.Cracking jokes are my strength.It generally brings a smile on their facs only after I have left the place.
20.Really useless in numbering.
10.The rising sun,the sound of the birds,the dew on the plants,the blossoming flower well I have seen all these a lot of times on Discovery never have I known early morning.
11.Have become more useless these days as I have even stopped watchin Discovery as it is being broadcasted in Hindi.
12.Handling children.I love children but any child who clings on to me invariably pisses n soils my clothes am the human toilet I guess.
13.My paintings r damn good.They wud look somewhere b/w a person puking in midst of a meal n a gorilla shitting
11.Again really useless in numbering things n even more useless at writing list of useless things.
byee n take care.
ashwin
There wud b that pretty beautiful gal standing across the cafeteria n I wud be in a vantage position to catch all her emotions n there out of n where like sunny deols dialogues at unwanted times,well his films itself suck so his dialogues too wud.Yaa out of no where this shame on the term "greek god" wud appear n walk away with her.Well that law has a flaw.Obvious the most handsome guy wud be with the most b'ful gal 'cos its a matter of prestige.But these gals they wud be both of them.Pretty intelligent females these section of b'ful gals are.They get 2 know sides of the coin called Manhood.But alas the ok category like me are ignored n stamped upon with ruthless akin 2 the Australian cricket side.And that 2 a south Indian guy n in that subset a Tamilian n in that subset of subset an iyer n in that dropdown listbox category of iyers - boy with braces n add 2 that a spex.Wow wat a sexy resume to impress a female.Now guys in this category find it the hardest 2 even get 2 smell the scent of a woman.The best possible thing for him 2 do is try a south Indian iyer female.That cud be acheived if:-
1.Highly qualified if not atleast more qualified than the female
2. In a good job n earning well
3. Doing Sandhyavandhanam on a regular basis
4.Should love vadumaanga n thairsaadam
Well the only thing going in my favour is the 4 point vadumaanga is a pickle and thair saadham is curd rice.All these females esp. good looking ones have this amazing memory in terms of mugging things through out their life n end up earning degrees bigger than their names esp. tamil iyer ones.I donno how their memory goes weak wen they act as if they dint recognise an ok looking fellow.And north indian females no chance,forget it.They r the strangest creations on earth.They will be with the rowdys gang only.They have this urge 2 make headlines n the way they can do it is to hang out with these so called dudes,not with thair sadhams.If anyone of these females by chance started to speak ur hindi skills will be put to extreme test 'cos they will not utter a word of english.And at that supreme moment a tamilian in his unimitable tamil accent wud be caught red handed n dutifully be shown the exit.Or even by chance u pass all these AgniParikshas,1 month before Raakhi itself u will be called Bhaiya n u wud revel in the glory of brotherhood.By the way any north indian female thinking of me,I have managed to get a list of things am useless at.Here I go:-
1.Using the comp n especially installing windows n using Microsoft applications.
2.Washing my clothes without tearing and bleaching them
3.Drinking water from a glass without spilling it on myself n guess were the water falls.... egzactly
4.Eating apples without breaking my braces
5.Trying to act like a seasoned IT pro
6.Driving bikes without the engine getting turned off atleast once... I drive Scooty also the same way In gearless case I fall down n make up for the engine loss
7.Athletics r for those who want 2 feel instant death,I was a record holder in Lemon n Spoon
8.Hopeless at Academics the only thing I remember till date is Pythagoras theorem 'cos once wrote 150 times imposition n had 2 repeat it for writing it 5 times wrong during the first imposition.
9.Cracking jokes are my strength.It generally brings a smile on their facs only after I have left the place.
20.Really useless in numbering.
10.The rising sun,the sound of the birds,the dew on the plants,the blossoming flower well I have seen all these a lot of times on Discovery never have I known early morning.
11.Have become more useless these days as I have even stopped watchin Discovery as it is being broadcasted in Hindi.
12.Handling children.I love children but any child who clings on to me invariably pisses n soils my clothes am the human toilet I guess.
13.My paintings r damn good.They wud look somewhere b/w a person puking in midst of a meal n a gorilla shitting
11.Again really useless in numbering things n even more useless at writing list of useless things.
byee n take care.
ashwin
Sunday, November 27, 2005
HIGH HOPES
Sitting high on a hilltop I watched the cattle graze
Suddenly I saw her silhouette,but she vanished without a trace
I rushed downwards on my knees stumbling and falling
To my dismay I saw her with someone else and my heart was left wailing
She always told "You are my best friend"
Little did I realise that with girls this was always the trend
Fool I was to press on the matter
Because she had warned me - Someday your dreams would shatter
I landed up with a job and was really inspired
Little did I know that something had already transpired
I told her "I really love you"
She said do not tell all this as I was not even in the queue
"What the hell do you mean?"I shrieked
It was you and only you that I ever seeked
I put down the phone with a bang
Only to feel something shoot up like a pang
Today I try to find myself and feel all alone
She is far away from me in a world unknown
Someone said life is like a mountain with many slopes
Strange it is that at such a time I am listening to Pink Floyd's High Hopes
Suddenly I saw her silhouette,but she vanished without a trace
I rushed downwards on my knees stumbling and falling
To my dismay I saw her with someone else and my heart was left wailing
She always told "You are my best friend"
Little did I realise that with girls this was always the trend
Fool I was to press on the matter
Because she had warned me - Someday your dreams would shatter
I landed up with a job and was really inspired
Little did I know that something had already transpired
I told her "I really love you"
She said do not tell all this as I was not even in the queue
"What the hell do you mean?"I shrieked
It was you and only you that I ever seeked
I put down the phone with a bang
Only to feel something shoot up like a pang
Today I try to find myself and feel all alone
She is far away from me in a world unknown
Someone said life is like a mountain with many slopes
Strange it is that at such a time I am listening to Pink Floyd's High Hopes
Sunday, November 20, 2005
LEFT OR RIGHT
Well well whoever doubted vaguely or completely about my literary skills especially writing,u neednt doubt it anymore.The article which I wrote n sent to my friend for the IIM Indore bloggers competition was put to its place i.e. as expected it dint win a prize and poor friend of myn Anoop was left wondering y did I ask him 2 write?So my dear friends I really pity ur patience 'cos u have 2 bear with me and my style of scribbling.Anyways today morning precisely from 10:30 - 1:00 I underwent a self esteem depriving test called CAT.Whoever thinks ur really intelligent plzz do try this 'cos u will find out the truth very fast.U neednt attend quizzes or by heart the encylopaedia but do write the CAT.After going thru the paper I felt even more worse than being rejected by a girl.1100 bucks for having a look at St marys church.If there was a window of an opportunity it was blown away very quickly by a b'ful lady who by the virtue of pure misfortune got to sit beside me.Now its not everyday that a b'ful gal comes n sits beside Ashwin.And when there was nothing to look in the paper I wisely thought otherwise.Half the time I was gawking at her and saw something very strange.I dont know whether it came actually to her or did she practise it for the sake of CAT.If it was for CAT I sincerely hope that she gets thru.She was marking the OMR sheet with her left hand and was using the eraser with her right hand.It was so continuous n rythmic.It was a very simple thing but I was amazed at the ease with which she was managing to do it.
This got me thinking.I was always amazed at the differences which arise when u do things the left or right.Simply staing it u find so many things which when percieved or done or when ur in the left or the right zone cud mean many things.Simple way to start, in India its always stated as a rule in the book to keep to ur left where as u do the same thing in US n u cud land up with a TICKET against ur name.When someone eats with the left hand v look at him in a disgusted way.Dont ask me U know why?Well if u still dint understand Americans dont have that problem.All this has been brought about due to so many factors but the main thing being superstitions brought about by religions. Centuries ago, the Catholic Church declared left-handed people to be servants of the Devil. For generations, left-handers who attended Catholic schools were forced to become right-handed.And from then on left was considered as woman and right as man.So woman is the devil huh.Crap I guess even though to an extent its definitely true.So many things these days like wearing a watch on the left side or the right side is a fashion statement.Wat's the difference?I guess I wont understand.And one more incident I remember from wat happened in my flats.A girl tied Raakhi on my left hand and I became the clown of the moment when my friends told that Raakhi on the left hand is tied for only their woh woh.And plzz solve this puzzle for me.A guy, if he wears a stud in which ear becomes a gay?Theres some more drama to it like if it is on left side durin nite ur a gay.Now females wear bigger studs or earings on both ears.so FEMALE=MALE+GAY.This is even more rubbish than my logic.
In almost every Indian movie I have a seen a scene of the good for nothing bride entering the house first slamming her right leg in.Well I have even seen it live.Jesus christ himself famously qouted "not let thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth".And how did I forget this?Everyday v c this scene in front of our eyes.The typically shy girl resting her head on the right shoulder of a guy and holding his right hand.The real reason is v guys keep our purse in the right pocket of our pant.Hmm got it now atleast be careful.Atlast I cud decipher something but anything I do generally is towards the useless.Thank god these ppl havent taken this left or right syndrome to obsession levels.Imagine hunks like Salman build only their right hand muscles and right side chest.That wud be quite a sight.The Roman word for "left" is "sinister", and the phrase meaning "masturbation" is translated to "left-handed whore".Now when did a guy turn into a whore?So do not trust any left handed males.He might after all turn out to be a whore.Now again there's the left brain and the right brain syndrome which is the only thing true 'cos it has been proven and accepted.Wat about Da Vinci then?He cud paint with his right hand and write something at the same time with his left hand.I guess all equations vanish if u consider him as an example.But ppl have found a clever way of tackling this also-Exceptions are not examples.Ironic it is that a left handed guy lambasted even in this blog is sending shivers down my spine by almost promising to comeback.Enuf of left n right I guess.When viewed separately ur brain imagines so many things with them or even worse contorts them into a series of unfathomable expressions.But watch it in sync like the girl who did it sitting beside me u'll know it's value and it's effect.Or even better the March Past which the Army is so proud of is a smooth sequence of these two things.View them together u'll know it's beauty or else u will have 2 read blogs such as these.I guess u wud be wiser for the thought.But one thing which is still beautiful even when it is single is a child sucking his left thumb.I have never seen a child suck his right thumb so far.Now y is that?
ashwin
This got me thinking.I was always amazed at the differences which arise when u do things the left or right.Simply staing it u find so many things which when percieved or done or when ur in the left or the right zone cud mean many things.Simple way to start, in India its always stated as a rule in the book to keep to ur left where as u do the same thing in US n u cud land up with a TICKET against ur name.When someone eats with the left hand v look at him in a disgusted way.Dont ask me U know why?Well if u still dint understand Americans dont have that problem.All this has been brought about due to so many factors but the main thing being superstitions brought about by religions. Centuries ago, the Catholic Church declared left-handed people to be servants of the Devil. For generations, left-handers who attended Catholic schools were forced to become right-handed.And from then on left was considered as woman and right as man.So woman is the devil huh.Crap I guess even though to an extent its definitely true.So many things these days like wearing a watch on the left side or the right side is a fashion statement.Wat's the difference?I guess I wont understand.And one more incident I remember from wat happened in my flats.A girl tied Raakhi on my left hand and I became the clown of the moment when my friends told that Raakhi on the left hand is tied for only their woh woh.And plzz solve this puzzle for me.A guy, if he wears a stud in which ear becomes a gay?Theres some more drama to it like if it is on left side durin nite ur a gay.Now females wear bigger studs or earings on both ears.so FEMALE=MALE+GAY.This is even more rubbish than my logic.
In almost every Indian movie I have a seen a scene of the good for nothing bride entering the house first slamming her right leg in.Well I have even seen it live.Jesus christ himself famously qouted "not let thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth".And how did I forget this?Everyday v c this scene in front of our eyes.The typically shy girl resting her head on the right shoulder of a guy and holding his right hand.The real reason is v guys keep our purse in the right pocket of our pant.Hmm got it now atleast be careful.Atlast I cud decipher something but anything I do generally is towards the useless.Thank god these ppl havent taken this left or right syndrome to obsession levels.Imagine hunks like Salman build only their right hand muscles and right side chest.That wud be quite a sight.The Roman word for "left" is "sinister", and the phrase meaning "masturbation" is translated to "left-handed whore".Now when did a guy turn into a whore?So do not trust any left handed males.He might after all turn out to be a whore.Now again there's the left brain and the right brain syndrome which is the only thing true 'cos it has been proven and accepted.Wat about Da Vinci then?He cud paint with his right hand and write something at the same time with his left hand.I guess all equations vanish if u consider him as an example.But ppl have found a clever way of tackling this also-Exceptions are not examples.Ironic it is that a left handed guy lambasted even in this blog is sending shivers down my spine by almost promising to comeback.Enuf of left n right I guess.When viewed separately ur brain imagines so many things with them or even worse contorts them into a series of unfathomable expressions.But watch it in sync like the girl who did it sitting beside me u'll know it's value and it's effect.Or even better the March Past which the Army is so proud of is a smooth sequence of these two things.View them together u'll know it's beauty or else u will have 2 read blogs such as these.I guess u wud be wiser for the thought.But one thing which is still beautiful even when it is single is a child sucking his left thumb.I have never seen a child suck his right thumb so far.Now y is that?
ashwin
Sunday, November 13, 2005
GARAM MASALA
Weekend weekend wow I really craved for this and yo I got it and guess wat I made use of quality time available to me.No I did not come back to office to finish something nor did I prepare Gung ho for CAT.It was becoming quite a fashion for all leading personalities even for idiots like Tamil actor Prashant to tell that "I am presently gobbling up the The Da Vinci Code,It's an amazing book".Well I never knew from where and when these guys all of a sudden started to behave like critics of Vikram Seth.Gosh it was hurting me and irritating me to find all these fools who act in movies which confirms my stand that they are indeed fools.It was irritating me because being an okay sort of a reader I cud not get hold of the da Vinci code for nearly one and a half years.But that bad streak was put to an end,when I not finding anything worthwhile to accompany me to the loo hurried off to Crossword joint at Shoppers Stop.Hurried because I was a man in a real hurry.I managed to come back with the book faster than wat Ganguly does at the wicket and resigned myself to the smell of Odonil and The Da Vinci Code.I was dumbstruck to say the least after reading 280 pages of the book.I just cud not get my hands off the book.I know wat u perverted minds are thinking right now.Did that asshole come out of the loo or not?
I did come out after 20 pages and its not my graveyard anyway.But really such compelling reading I guess this is the second best book in my rankings after Catch 22 even though I have not finished it.The fact that amazed me more was I read the remaining braindead novels of his Digital fortress,Angels and demons and one more sick one,I do not remember that name.When I read each of those books I thought wat sort of shit does this guy write when he is acclaimed to be a great writer.Ya I got that other novel of his Deception Point.I can say with a hint of arrogance that the last novel that I mentioned was even more worse than my blog.I just cud not believe what I was reading when the Da Vinci code was in my hand.I cud not understand so many things and had to take the help of the net a couple a times.That was the only time I guess I left my prized posession.Seriously anyone reverred in the field of symbols or iconography plzzz do enlighten me.But the weekend just did not pass by only with Da Vinci and his inner world.There is the match b/w India and South Africa coming up and I was trying desparately to get tickets.Again luk has not been on my side lately and I have not been able to push the matter further.Along with the iconographers someone having couple a tickets plzz do help me.I almost forgot to mention I did watch Garam Masala as the title suggests.I initially was unwilling to go to the movie because of 4 reasons:-
1.The director was Priyadarshan who according to me falls in third in list of worst personalities ever, the first two being Charu Sharma and Anu Malik in random order.U decide who shud be placed first and second.After Anumalik he is the biggest Copycat I have ever seen.His formula is simple copy hit Tamil comedy movies and thats what he did with Herapheri and Hungama.Everytime he has tried something original like Lesa Lesa in tamil or Kyun Ki in Hindi he has shown his true Aukaadh
2.It was rated as excellent by my brother who has given the excellent rating to movies such as Mujse Shaadi Karogi,Jis Desh Mein Ganga Behta Hain and innumerous other movies.He is good at rating tamil MEGA serials also.Want to know more about him?
3.The movie was being screened at IMAX.Now Imax is a place that has the feeling hip attached only to the name.Once u step inside it u will find the entire jobless section and the marvadi housewives and all the lovesick pairs inside.Its quite a sight to behold.I have always had a feeling Dawood is hiding somewere there.
4.There was Akshay Kumar in it whose sincere attempts at acting turns out into a comedy like his Khiladi series and not to mention the braindead dumbo John Abraham whose acting skills are as good Parthiv Patel's Catching skills behind the stumps.
Surprised was I when I saw the movie.It looked like PriyaDarshan's original effort 'cos there was some sick comedy too.But on the whole it was pretty ok.Just leave ur brains out when u enter the hall and it is 3 hrs of timepass.Akshay Kumar was surprisingly ok but John like Geoffrey Boyott says was getting no were.Again Priyadarshan proved he still is the worst around by offering limited scope to one of the best comedy actors around Paresh Rawal.And the songs were also surprisingly ok in the sense u dint have 2 go to the restroom each time a song came on but they were repetitive as like any hindi song.Anyways its a bit of fun and some timepass.For a weekend its pretty gud timepass.
signing off
ashwin
I did come out after 20 pages and its not my graveyard anyway.But really such compelling reading I guess this is the second best book in my rankings after Catch 22 even though I have not finished it.The fact that amazed me more was I read the remaining braindead novels of his Digital fortress,Angels and demons and one more sick one,I do not remember that name.When I read each of those books I thought wat sort of shit does this guy write when he is acclaimed to be a great writer.Ya I got that other novel of his Deception Point.I can say with a hint of arrogance that the last novel that I mentioned was even more worse than my blog.I just cud not believe what I was reading when the Da Vinci code was in my hand.I cud not understand so many things and had to take the help of the net a couple a times.That was the only time I guess I left my prized posession.Seriously anyone reverred in the field of symbols or iconography plzzz do enlighten me.But the weekend just did not pass by only with Da Vinci and his inner world.There is the match b/w India and South Africa coming up and I was trying desparately to get tickets.Again luk has not been on my side lately and I have not been able to push the matter further.Along with the iconographers someone having couple a tickets plzz do help me.I almost forgot to mention I did watch Garam Masala as the title suggests.I initially was unwilling to go to the movie because of 4 reasons:-
1.The director was Priyadarshan who according to me falls in third in list of worst personalities ever, the first two being Charu Sharma and Anu Malik in random order.U decide who shud be placed first and second.After Anumalik he is the biggest Copycat I have ever seen.His formula is simple copy hit Tamil comedy movies and thats what he did with Herapheri and Hungama.Everytime he has tried something original like Lesa Lesa in tamil or Kyun Ki in Hindi he has shown his true Aukaadh
2.It was rated as excellent by my brother who has given the excellent rating to movies such as Mujse Shaadi Karogi,Jis Desh Mein Ganga Behta Hain and innumerous other movies.He is good at rating tamil MEGA serials also.Want to know more about him?
3.The movie was being screened at IMAX.Now Imax is a place that has the feeling hip attached only to the name.Once u step inside it u will find the entire jobless section and the marvadi housewives and all the lovesick pairs inside.Its quite a sight to behold.I have always had a feeling Dawood is hiding somewere there.
4.There was Akshay Kumar in it whose sincere attempts at acting turns out into a comedy like his Khiladi series and not to mention the braindead dumbo John Abraham whose acting skills are as good Parthiv Patel's Catching skills behind the stumps.
Surprised was I when I saw the movie.It looked like PriyaDarshan's original effort 'cos there was some sick comedy too.But on the whole it was pretty ok.Just leave ur brains out when u enter the hall and it is 3 hrs of timepass.Akshay Kumar was surprisingly ok but John like Geoffrey Boyott says was getting no were.Again Priyadarshan proved he still is the worst around by offering limited scope to one of the best comedy actors around Paresh Rawal.And the songs were also surprisingly ok in the sense u dint have 2 go to the restroom each time a song came on but they were repetitive as like any hindi song.Anyways its a bit of fun and some timepass.For a weekend its pretty gud timepass.
signing off
ashwin
Thursday, November 10, 2005
READ THIS
I got a strange request from a friend of myn doing his M.B.A at IIFT Delhi.He was participating in the IIM Indore Bloggers competition which is open for all the B-Schools I guess essentially.The topic was "ARE BLOGS AN ALTERNATIVE FOR CONVENTIONAL MEDIA?".Ya the thing was he wanted me 2 write something on this topic and send it to him.I call this strange because having known him from my childhood I knew that his literary skills were pretty good.So I was thinking poor guy my friend he is willingly gonna loose his shot at glory.But anyways the crazy blogger that I am I wrote an article for him and he has sent it to the competition.The best thing about the competition is there is no screening.All entries are scanned and only the winner and the runner are announced.So I guess me n my friend are saved of maanabhangam.Anyways its nothing wrong to hope as long as u hope for the best.Have a look at what I wrote and put in ur comments as u have always done.Here it goes:
Weblogs or blogs as they are shortly called or affectionately called or lazily called are slowly but silently gaining importance as far as freedom of thought is concerned.There was always the case of "He is talented Machan but no one knows anything about his talent".It's obvious that you cannot sit atop a rickshaw and with a loudspeaker to ur mouth keep barking"I am talented" nor can your friend do that for you.I have personally seen many people whose scribblings were as silken as Ganguly's drives,but the sad part was hardly anyone knew that the person with so and so name could write.If anyone who was talented enough to screw words in the appropriate way wanted to show his or her expertise always had to go through a channel - The Media.In such cases there was a huge chance that you could go unnoticed or your work not reaching everyone.But all that was set right when weblogs came into existance.Imagine even a Whacko like me getting a chance to express myself.Now all of a sudden due to Blog Rennaisance you find a large no of Whackos but mind you mostly creative ones.The thing is what you wanted to say in your own style has been delivered.It is there for everyone to see and it is upto people to decide what they think of your scribblings.
In this sense the topic whether Blogs are an alternative to conventional media assumes higher importance.All of a sudden there is an excitement.This is due to the fact that to discuss such a topic am not speaking but writing ,to put it even better terms I am blogging.Blogs are getting more and more important in the sense that it is the first big step towards unleashing your creativity.When you are writing something for a newspaper or a magazine or for some news channel there's always the fear of filteration.Words could be told in a different way or published in some other way for any no of reasons and in the end you would be left wondering like Ganguly "What went wrong?".Now a days for every website you seem to have a place for blogs.Now why is that when already information is available?You have articles by people like Peter Roebuck,Nirmal Shekar and Mike Marquesse on sports and a variety of things and all these are available in the print media .But even then on the net you would find blogs on all such stuff which are available freely and are read by a large contingent of people and which are really good.The thing is for a blog creativity is the limit.Only that particular person is responsible for all he has written.Neither are u answerable to anyone nor can anyone question you.Precisely that is the place were telling that blogs can revolutionise or replace conventional media ends.There is so much that every person would want to tell.We love newspapers for the nice fact that they are precise and give necessary details because that is what is permitted to write.But imagine a situation where you want some international news, all the recent one's and all the tidbits.IF blogs were the only source at that time just imagine the chaos that would happen each person writing filthy articles like this one and havin a go at Ganguly almost once in every para and where is the news.Or imagine India wins a match and no media available only blogs.Wat do we do?How do we know what's Rahul thinking?Yaa very simple ask him to write a blog after every match that would be real cool.Imagine if Ganguly had blogged his tiff with Chappell instead of tellin it out.How would anyone ask him what actually happened?Write another blog I guess.Yaa but it would have been helpful in cases like Vivek Oberoi's tantrums.He would have tried to blog the entire episode and in sheer frustration building in due to the slow realisation of his poor English would have saved everyone's time.It happens once in a while.There would be no more speeches by Bush to the public- Thank god for that.He would blog his entire speech out and no would even give it a half read.In no sense can a blog replace conventional media.There cannot be even half thoughts of anything as catastrophic as that happening.It would be like Ganguly coming back to the team and scoring runs all over again.It is as simple as that.Media symbolises the freedom to push,to peep,to show the truth and everything one can name.With power comes respnsibility,once that is understood it is safe to reconcile to the fact that blogs cannot replace conventional media.Its a tough thing for all the bloggers to accept but that's what it is.But do remember the first step towards unleashing creativity is always the blog.For a blogger it will always remain his first love.
signing off
ashwin
Weblogs or blogs as they are shortly called or affectionately called or lazily called are slowly but silently gaining importance as far as freedom of thought is concerned.There was always the case of "He is talented Machan but no one knows anything about his talent".It's obvious that you cannot sit atop a rickshaw and with a loudspeaker to ur mouth keep barking"I am talented" nor can your friend do that for you.I have personally seen many people whose scribblings were as silken as Ganguly's drives,but the sad part was hardly anyone knew that the person with so and so name could write.If anyone who was talented enough to screw words in the appropriate way wanted to show his or her expertise always had to go through a channel - The Media.In such cases there was a huge chance that you could go unnoticed or your work not reaching everyone.But all that was set right when weblogs came into existance.Imagine even a Whacko like me getting a chance to express myself.Now all of a sudden due to Blog Rennaisance you find a large no of Whackos but mind you mostly creative ones.The thing is what you wanted to say in your own style has been delivered.It is there for everyone to see and it is upto people to decide what they think of your scribblings.
In this sense the topic whether Blogs are an alternative to conventional media assumes higher importance.All of a sudden there is an excitement.This is due to the fact that to discuss such a topic am not speaking but writing ,to put it even better terms I am blogging.Blogs are getting more and more important in the sense that it is the first big step towards unleashing your creativity.When you are writing something for a newspaper or a magazine or for some news channel there's always the fear of filteration.Words could be told in a different way or published in some other way for any no of reasons and in the end you would be left wondering like Ganguly "What went wrong?".Now a days for every website you seem to have a place for blogs.Now why is that when already information is available?You have articles by people like Peter Roebuck,Nirmal Shekar and Mike Marquesse on sports and a variety of things and all these are available in the print media .But even then on the net you would find blogs on all such stuff which are available freely and are read by a large contingent of people and which are really good.The thing is for a blog creativity is the limit.Only that particular person is responsible for all he has written.Neither are u answerable to anyone nor can anyone question you.Precisely that is the place were telling that blogs can revolutionise or replace conventional media ends.There is so much that every person would want to tell.We love newspapers for the nice fact that they are precise and give necessary details because that is what is permitted to write.But imagine a situation where you want some international news, all the recent one's and all the tidbits.IF blogs were the only source at that time just imagine the chaos that would happen each person writing filthy articles like this one and havin a go at Ganguly almost once in every para and where is the news.Or imagine India wins a match and no media available only blogs.Wat do we do?How do we know what's Rahul thinking?Yaa very simple ask him to write a blog after every match that would be real cool.Imagine if Ganguly had blogged his tiff with Chappell instead of tellin it out.How would anyone ask him what actually happened?Write another blog I guess.Yaa but it would have been helpful in cases like Vivek Oberoi's tantrums.He would have tried to blog the entire episode and in sheer frustration building in due to the slow realisation of his poor English would have saved everyone's time.It happens once in a while.There would be no more speeches by Bush to the public- Thank god for that.He would blog his entire speech out and no would even give it a half read.In no sense can a blog replace conventional media.There cannot be even half thoughts of anything as catastrophic as that happening.It would be like Ganguly coming back to the team and scoring runs all over again.It is as simple as that.Media symbolises the freedom to push,to peep,to show the truth and everything one can name.With power comes respnsibility,once that is understood it is safe to reconcile to the fact that blogs cannot replace conventional media.Its a tough thing for all the bloggers to accept but that's what it is.But do remember the first step towards unleashing creativity is always the blog.For a blogger it will always remain his first love.
signing off
ashwin
Sunday, November 06, 2005
GOVINDA GOVINDA
Hii people back after a long layoff.It was real fun till last friday when I had to pack my bag and go 2 tirupathi.Everything was perfect.Flight takin off at right time,landing without any fuss,picturesque environment greeting us when we landed.I cudnt have asked for anything more.Little did I realise the horrors of visiting the costliest God on the planet.Found out that VIP passes were as good as Ganguly's comments on Chappell and it would be of no use.So unceremoniously we were packed off from Tirumala back 2 Tirupathi.Took tickets went back,stood in q for 4 hrs,sacrificed food water and dint even urinate only to be out of the SANCTUM SANCTORUM as fast as Ganguly's stay at the wicket.Also found out a way to take frustration out of your system.Just go and get a job as security gaurd at that place.U can do anything to the pilgrims.Pull them, push them,shove them and repeat these steps again in increasing order of frustration.Do all the above things harder if ur more frustrated.So it keeps going on and on.U shud thank ur stars if u get out of that place in one piece.Since this was the first and this wud be the last time also.So anyone planning for Tirupathi do not think ur VIP's u will be put in ur place very fast.Take a bottle of scent with u very very necessary.Mentally prepare urself for getting mauled physically and guys if ur shy do not go 'cos there wud be lots a oomphs n aahs and girls if ur the typical Indian nari who wud take her slipper out even if a male fingernail falls on her then it's not the place to be.U can peacefully bide ur time at the loo.
Well u can consider all this as a joke or some pain in the neck writing.But seriously u must be there to know how they treat people within the temple premises.I saw some physically handicapped people too being handled the same way.Just cant imagine the plight of all thosee poor people standing in the DHARMA DARSHAN Q waitin for days together only to be swatted out like a irritant musquito.Agreed there's a huge crowd but I guess it cud've been handled in a better way.I guess am bitching about this 'cos if the VIP pass had been accepted I wudnt have spoken about all this.It was a rude wake up call which I certainly dint enjoy.I guess I will settle for Birla Mandir from now.There seems to be no difference at all and when u can relax and have a breathtaking view from there why rush 2 Tirupathi.There were many other things which were disturbing.Everywere in the town I found hoardings of MEGASTAR Chiranjeevi as they call him here.I dont have anything against hoardings of cine actors but the thing he was certifying THUMS UP.Who the hell is he to certify that a drink is good when it has been proved by reputed govt. bodies that it is as good as Harpic.Just imagine the effects it will have on innocent people who believe in their heroes blindly.And if MEGASTAR was doing this at state level another guy has taken this up a notch further.Aamir khan is stamping his authority on Coke.These guys are so sick.They wud tell anything for money I guess.God knows wat else is in stock.Mebbe u wud've Hrithik campaigning for Ganguly and sayin "OLD IS GOLD".Ads have always been a powerful weapon as far as capturing a persons imagination is concerned.Our govt seems to be the funniest they ban all sorts of things, but when something comes up against wat they themselves have clarified there is no action taken.For international brands u have guys like these and now one may see people like Sunny Deol certifying brands like gutkha.In that sense I think hats off 2 KamalHaasan for never being sucked into ads.Same even 2 Rajni.I guess all these people must be sent to Tirupathi without VIP passes.Everything wud be rectified.So from now I guess if my brother troubles my mom she wud scare the hell out a him by tellin "GOVINDA GOVINDA".Thinkin about Govinda I wish he certifies any of these controversial brands.Am speakin about Coolie no 1 Govinda.The brand wud never sell 'cos ppl wud definitely know its a sick joke.
P.S:-I still remain the samson even though many swords were out to cut my hair and I forgot today is Kamal's birthday so happy b'day Mr.KamaHaasan
cheers,
ashwin
Well u can consider all this as a joke or some pain in the neck writing.But seriously u must be there to know how they treat people within the temple premises.I saw some physically handicapped people too being handled the same way.Just cant imagine the plight of all thosee poor people standing in the DHARMA DARSHAN Q waitin for days together only to be swatted out like a irritant musquito.Agreed there's a huge crowd but I guess it cud've been handled in a better way.I guess am bitching about this 'cos if the VIP pass had been accepted I wudnt have spoken about all this.It was a rude wake up call which I certainly dint enjoy.I guess I will settle for Birla Mandir from now.There seems to be no difference at all and when u can relax and have a breathtaking view from there why rush 2 Tirupathi.There were many other things which were disturbing.Everywere in the town I found hoardings of MEGASTAR Chiranjeevi as they call him here.I dont have anything against hoardings of cine actors but the thing he was certifying THUMS UP.Who the hell is he to certify that a drink is good when it has been proved by reputed govt. bodies that it is as good as Harpic.Just imagine the effects it will have on innocent people who believe in their heroes blindly.And if MEGASTAR was doing this at state level another guy has taken this up a notch further.Aamir khan is stamping his authority on Coke.These guys are so sick.They wud tell anything for money I guess.God knows wat else is in stock.Mebbe u wud've Hrithik campaigning for Ganguly and sayin "OLD IS GOLD".Ads have always been a powerful weapon as far as capturing a persons imagination is concerned.Our govt seems to be the funniest they ban all sorts of things, but when something comes up against wat they themselves have clarified there is no action taken.For international brands u have guys like these and now one may see people like Sunny Deol certifying brands like gutkha.In that sense I think hats off 2 KamalHaasan for never being sucked into ads.Same even 2 Rajni.I guess all these people must be sent to Tirupathi without VIP passes.Everything wud be rectified.So from now I guess if my brother troubles my mom she wud scare the hell out a him by tellin "GOVINDA GOVINDA".Thinkin about Govinda I wish he certifies any of these controversial brands.Am speakin about Coolie no 1 Govinda.The brand wud never sell 'cos ppl wud definitely know its a sick joke.
P.S:-I still remain the samson even though many swords were out to cut my hair and I forgot today is Kamal's birthday so happy b'day Mr.KamaHaasan
cheers,
ashwin
Saturday, October 29, 2005
GOD IS BACK
Cricket is my Religion and Sachin is my God.Well u wud've seen all such banners when u go to watch a cricket match involving India.It's the same with me also and my God is back and he is back in spanking fashion.If anything was more eagerly awaited than Diwali it was Sachin's comeback.The way he has done it calls for some extra crackers n add to the pollution.But seriously it atleast calls for a Vodka.Wat 2 say about a man who has made ppl cry, laugh and when the ball misses the bat on those rare occasions it does the entire country is on the edge.He makes people like me to pray.Yes ladies and gentlemen Sachin is back n he is back with a bang.And as they say Ganguly's absence seems to be the icing on the cake.More than Sachin coming back or Rahul taking over I think it is ganguly's absence which seems to be the real fillip for this team.I hope it stays this way unlike those days where a Ganguly fart wud also make headlines.Each time a wicket fell the opposition bowlers wud be licking their lips in anticipation on wat is to come.I think Ganguly of late has contributed to other teams rather than his.It's not like the SMS jokes in which he leaves in a hurry.He jumps,cries,wails,shouts and happily consumes atleast 45 balls for those 20 runs of his.Agreed that he played a pivotal role in getting India back on track but it has come a whole cycle n it's time to step the rot.I think Atapatu might be cursing Rahul silently for not picking Saurav as he cud find himself in Ganguly's position if the current series is any indicator.
On the personal side it has been very disappointing as I have 9 days of leave and am not able to go 2 Chennai to meet my friends.Rain has really wreaked havoc in these parts.I think Hyd has taken the cue from Chennai and all trains are being cancelled or their travel time is long enuf to celebrate ur honeymoon.I think any newly married chicks take my advice and go for a trip to anywhere but it shud be thru Andhra.The cheapest way to celebrate honeymoon.Well take on look at this
Just have a look at the way the street has been completely inundated.That wud be a cool place to set up dinner.I dont know why it's always like this in India.Either it rains so heavy that u have to pee every hour or it doesnt rain at all n under the heat ur made to sweat.I guess this is the reason for goitre in the country.Excessive loss of salt-loss of Iodine.A poet gets disturbed by his surroundings.The same has happened with me.But even in b/w all this I can manage a small smile n sense of triumph.Thank you for the entertainment-Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar.
signing off
Ashwin
Monday, October 24, 2005
one night @ the call center
Well u guessed it pretty right.I was waiting for this book and I had read somewere on the net that it wud be releasin on oct 25 ,so naturally I was surprised when I got a call from my friend saying that he has purchased it.There was such an urge in me,I dont think I'll have this sort of a drive even before my first night.But screw that guy who has building bridges,filling cement and screwing my mouth.Ya I was at the dentist and had to contain myself.Once the ordeal had finished I just Vroomed on my activa straight into Odyssey n got hold of my catch like a bounty hunter.
Just tell me how would u feel when ur dressed up like a king for the party of ur life and ur stuck in traffic due to rains and get drenched all over or better when ur peacefully reading The Hindu in the loo ur dad knocks bang on the door and ur peace is ruined.Sadly that's how I felt when I finished reading the book.I would thank my dad if he screamed at me for reading this at the loo.It starts of in brilliant fashion in the typical chetan bhagat way.Lots of crisp comments n crystal clear way of putting things and giving a definite dose of trying to peep into a woman's mind.All these were the characteristics of his previous book.They definitely are there here.The first 225 pages exactly to say present the reader a wonderful exhibtion of creative writing.But from then on no one exactly knows wat's happening around neither did he I suppose.People do have their beliefs but the climax was turned into something which Ramanand Sagar would have been proud of.I think Ekta Kapoor is already itching to make a movie n screw every Indian.Gosh a movie wud be better instead of a soap.It is a story about 6 people working in a call centre their struggle,their ambition,their helplessness everything brilliantly told .I just wish those 40 pages werent there.Making a movie were everything is shown in frames n were one scene co-relates to another like Pulp Fiction and any of Mani Rathnam's movies is in itself a great art of telling a story.And imagine to write in suuch a fashion.It's almost unbelievable.It seems to come so naturally to him.He has got such control over his craft.Anyways I dont want to tell anything more n spoil ur mood.U ppl must be already cursing me n some might have already thought of crucifying me but it's definitely worth a read the first 224 pages.Well after that it's upto u.Anyways do read n temme how it is.And dont forget my blogs in between all this.
signing off
ashwin
Just tell me how would u feel when ur dressed up like a king for the party of ur life and ur stuck in traffic due to rains and get drenched all over or better when ur peacefully reading The Hindu in the loo ur dad knocks bang on the door and ur peace is ruined.Sadly that's how I felt when I finished reading the book.I would thank my dad if he screamed at me for reading this at the loo.It starts of in brilliant fashion in the typical chetan bhagat way.Lots of crisp comments n crystal clear way of putting things and giving a definite dose of trying to peep into a woman's mind.All these were the characteristics of his previous book.They definitely are there here.The first 225 pages exactly to say present the reader a wonderful exhibtion of creative writing.But from then on no one exactly knows wat's happening around neither did he I suppose.People do have their beliefs but the climax was turned into something which Ramanand Sagar would have been proud of.I think Ekta Kapoor is already itching to make a movie n screw every Indian.Gosh a movie wud be better instead of a soap.It is a story about 6 people working in a call centre their struggle,their ambition,their helplessness everything brilliantly told .I just wish those 40 pages werent there.Making a movie were everything is shown in frames n were one scene co-relates to another like Pulp Fiction and any of Mani Rathnam's movies is in itself a great art of telling a story.And imagine to write in suuch a fashion.It's almost unbelievable.It seems to come so naturally to him.He has got such control over his craft.Anyways I dont want to tell anything more n spoil ur mood.U ppl must be already cursing me n some might have already thought of crucifying me but it's definitely worth a read the first 224 pages.Well after that it's upto u.Anyways do read n temme how it is.And dont forget my blogs in between all this.
signing off
ashwin
Saturday, October 22, 2005
FAMILY O MELODRAMA!
Today was a real nice day .No office,but like a fool woke up early to realise it was a saturday n returned to my slumber n happily woke up at 10.My dad asked me 2 do a strange thing today.I was asked to attend the parent teacher meeting at my bro's school.I always wanted to have a look at his school-Little Flower Junior College n yaa I was damn happy to speak the typical elder brother style.He was throwin such looks at me for screwing him there.I still remember these happenings wen I was at school.Ok Ok I wont get bak 2 school.But I definitely have to speak about my family tree.I was thinkin about something to write,then it struck me y dont I continue the nomenclature part of my story.
Anyone who doesnt know my roots just scroll down n u'll find one blog on Initial.Yaa my dad's birth place was Thiruvaiyaru.A quite village with no roads n limited electricity near Tanjore.Well it has a changed a bit u have roads,by roads I mean Roads between pitholes.So anyone wanting to test their driving skills r welcome.But yaa as the climate started to get hot here my mom wud punish us by taking us every summer to Chennai.Chennai is a place were u sweat more than u pee.My mom's famiy was a moderate one with she being the eldest n 3 bro's n a sis to follow.I still remember making my uncle mad every time to take me 2 exhibition,rajnikanth movie and ofcourse beach.Thinking about all that god I cannot imagine the things I have done eating everyone's brain out.Man children r very cute n I love playing with them but 2 think if in future I add to this small population by some numbers n they all turned out 2 be more worse than me.whoa.Tha's 2 much 2 think of.I loved going out on walks with my grandpa.He got me Matka Kulfi always.He was the only person who cud tolerate me even though I named him appu-It was the elephant which was the symbol of Asian game which took place at New Delhi in 1987 I think.Come every summer my mom dragged me along with her and v used to cover the length and breadth of Tamilnadu.
My dad's family was a big one.They were a total of 7.I shud say 5 now.Couple of them have ceased to exist.But yaa they were n are a typical brahmin household u can find.Every year I used to go 2 my village my uncle wud b thrilled to c me.It was a typical village u cud find ppl shitting on the roads n if u knew them they wud coolly even say a hi to u.Most of the morning was spent in sitting before puja n praying n stuff.There never was a shortage of sound at that place.All my cousins wud b there n I as usual was the only person playin spoilsport always.Every year at that place u had a festival called SAPTHASTHANAM .For around 10 days the place wud be very colourful with ppl pulling big chariots all around the village.I loved the elephant rides there.But whoever wants to try that be careful wear pants not shorts 'cos the elephant's hair wud poke u right into ur crotch.Many a time have I been a victim of the elephant crotch syndrome.OOH I shudnt be sayin all this god knows wat the girls r thinking about me now.The best thing was the foos there.U name the variety u wud find it.And another thing was all my uncles names ended with an "AN".Even my dad's.Now this has nothing to do with ANNIYAN.I always loved munching the Black halwa which was sold for 25p n the THEN MITAAY meaning honey chocolate.And anoher thing common there was Paneer Soda.Not many at Hyd know of the existance of such a drink.No its definitely not better than Vodka but its a worth a gulp at the cost of a BACKFIRE.And I forgot to mention it, I used to look so handsome those days no braces around,wearing shorts smaller than the one's Saif wears n hair like Fido Dido.Anyways that was a bit about my native place n a bit about my family.Drop in ur comments as u always have.
signing off
ashwin
P.S.:I got my passport and u know wats my name there ASHIWIN SUNDAR THIRUVAIYARU.Now will anyone tell me wat shud I do to correct this.
Anyone who doesnt know my roots just scroll down n u'll find one blog on Initial.Yaa my dad's birth place was Thiruvaiyaru.A quite village with no roads n limited electricity near Tanjore.Well it has a changed a bit u have roads,by roads I mean Roads between pitholes.So anyone wanting to test their driving skills r welcome.But yaa as the climate started to get hot here my mom wud punish us by taking us every summer to Chennai.Chennai is a place were u sweat more than u pee.My mom's famiy was a moderate one with she being the eldest n 3 bro's n a sis to follow.I still remember making my uncle mad every time to take me 2 exhibition,rajnikanth movie and ofcourse beach.Thinking about all that god I cannot imagine the things I have done eating everyone's brain out.Man children r very cute n I love playing with them but 2 think if in future I add to this small population by some numbers n they all turned out 2 be more worse than me.whoa.Tha's 2 much 2 think of.I loved going out on walks with my grandpa.He got me Matka Kulfi always.He was the only person who cud tolerate me even though I named him appu-It was the elephant which was the symbol of Asian game which took place at New Delhi in 1987 I think.Come every summer my mom dragged me along with her and v used to cover the length and breadth of Tamilnadu.
My dad's family was a big one.They were a total of 7.I shud say 5 now.Couple of them have ceased to exist.But yaa they were n are a typical brahmin household u can find.Every year I used to go 2 my village my uncle wud b thrilled to c me.It was a typical village u cud find ppl shitting on the roads n if u knew them they wud coolly even say a hi to u.Most of the morning was spent in sitting before puja n praying n stuff.There never was a shortage of sound at that place.All my cousins wud b there n I as usual was the only person playin spoilsport always.Every year at that place u had a festival called SAPTHASTHANAM .For around 10 days the place wud be very colourful with ppl pulling big chariots all around the village.I loved the elephant rides there.But whoever wants to try that be careful wear pants not shorts 'cos the elephant's hair wud poke u right into ur crotch.Many a time have I been a victim of the elephant crotch syndrome.OOH I shudnt be sayin all this god knows wat the girls r thinking about me now.The best thing was the foos there.U name the variety u wud find it.And another thing was all my uncles names ended with an "AN".Even my dad's.Now this has nothing to do with ANNIYAN.I always loved munching the Black halwa which was sold for 25p n the THEN MITAAY meaning honey chocolate.And anoher thing common there was Paneer Soda.Not many at Hyd know of the existance of such a drink.No its definitely not better than Vodka but its a worth a gulp at the cost of a BACKFIRE.And I forgot to mention it, I used to look so handsome those days no braces around,wearing shorts smaller than the one's Saif wears n hair like Fido Dido.Anyways that was a bit about my native place n a bit about my family.Drop in ur comments as u always have.
signing off
ashwin
P.S.:I got my passport and u know wats my name there ASHIWIN SUNDAR THIRUVAIYARU.Now will anyone tell me wat shud I do to correct this.
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